For some reason there’s something funny about people sneezing. Its even more funny when you’re someplace and you really DO NOT wanna sneeze. I can think of a few places off the top of my head. Like during an emotional moment at someone’s funeral.
Or during sex. Which really isn’t THAT bad considering the next worse thing next to sneezing during sex is farting.
“Pfffft! Oh geez….sorry honeeee.”
“Soooo, was it good for you or what?”
“Cripes yeah….awesome….I had to let that fart out sooooo bad.”
But its apparent in this day and age of high technology if you so much as screw up doing ANYTHING, including sneezing, you might wind up on the Internet. As in the case of the trombone player for the “London Central Fellowship Band” who was performing at St. Lukes Parish Church in Essex, England and just couldn’t hold back that sneeze.
Yep….achoooooo! Right into his trombone. Which, when ya think about it, may or may not have improved on the tune the band was playing. Take a look:
Take the case of Miles Standish, John Alden and Priscilla Mullens back in the days of the Pilgrims when John asked his pal Miles to ask Priscilla if she’d marry John. We all know Priscilla’s response when Miles asked her that question on behalf of John.
Which was, “John, why don’t you speak for yourself?”
To which John replied, “Well Priscilla I, (ACHOO!) oh, scuse me, touch of allergies from turkey feathers there. Um, ok, Priscilla I, (ACHOO!….ACHOO!…ACHOO!) son-of-a-bitch….damn it……um….hold on a sec Priscilla….ACHOO!”
“Miles ol buddy. Ya wanna try to get this proposal out for me for cripes sake. I gotta run into town and pick up some Nasonex or Claritin or something. ACHOO!!”
“Hey, no problemo ol pal. You go right ahead and ride into town and I’ll ask her to marry you while you’re gone.”
So what really happened was that Miles asked Priscilla if she’d marry John and that’s when she asked him why John couldn’t speak for himself and Miles then told her of John’s allergies and she then understood, and after John returned with his allergy medications and wasn’t sneezing any longer she agreed to marry him, but with the stipulation that Miles not be allowed to hang around with John due to the fact that he tried to hit on her while John was in town getting his medications.
Yes, John and Priscilla were married and lived happily ever after.
Standish was labeled as a womanizer until he got his eyeglass prescription filled, saw how butt ugly Priscilla was, and swore off womanizing for the rest of his life.
Sneezing can be funny. Unless you happen to be standing next to somebody who is sneezing uncontrollably and you’re a germ freak. Here’s an example of how the great Spike Jones incorporated sneezing into one of his funniest bits, “Flight of the Bumblebee.”
Sneezing is always embarrassing in public. But, the worst time you can ever sneeze is if you are sitting around with a cat in your lap. A cat with bigggg claws. AND….if you’re a male, the cat is in the proximity of your crotch. Trust me on that one.
And as most people on computers will vouch for, sneezing, which tends to sneak up on you at the least inopportune moment, usually happens while you’re on your computer and unable to reach for a tissue. hence, “computerterminmalsprayscreeninitus.” Or commonly referred to as “snot screen.”
Lore has it that when you sneeze your heart actually stops. I have no idea if that’s true or not, but considering I’ve never seen a CSI program where death was attributed to sneezing, I’m kind of skeptical on that theory. Unless the guy was shot or stabbed by some perp just as he was sneezing.
But all in all there’s nothing like a good healthy sneeze sometimes. It’s like you’re disposing of a gazillion tiny germs with little feet that are walking around inside of your nose and driving you nuts. My idea of what sneeze germs look like anyhow.
But, to me, the most funniest sneezes of all are the fart sneezes. It’s totally impossible to control, (sneezing and farting) and is always good for a great laugh at a party. Along with carrying a “whoopee cushion” just in case you have the sneezies but can’t muster up a really good fart.
Besides, you know that old saying. Never trust a fart. If you catch my drift here.
(UPDATE) Today’s troll from the U.K. (note ref to (“Dick”)
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