First of all if I need an iPhone app to find a bathroom I’m way beyond help. Like there’s only one bathroom in my house so why in the hell would I need an app to find it? Unless senility starts to set in pretty soon because I’m older than dirt and forget where it is.
But that’s not what this new iPhone app is for. It’s actually for the rest of you who suddenly get that urge, commonly referred to as “nature calling,” and need to find a bathroom ASAP if you’re out and about roaming around.
It’s called, “Flushd,” and is currently available for the iPhone and iPad and allows you to filter local restroom options on a map according to distance and amenities, which include changing tables or attendants.
And for those of you who cherish time spent in a restroom, the app also includes where you can find in-stall reading material and it also can track your bathroom habits. Oh joy.
“Good Morning America’s” Joanna Prisco, apparently spends a lot of time searching for the perfect restroom considering she wrote this article.
“Soooo Joanna, what ya doin’ today.”
“Well, I’m off to do some research on restrooms all over town. I’ve been holding off going to the bathroom until I can find just the right one. You know how it is. Quality time in a restroom is kinda like a spiritual experience.”
“Like a spiritual experience?”
“Yeah, cause I wait till the last minute until I find just the right one, and when I do, I say to myself, “Thank Gawd….I just made it.”
James Edwards, CEO of “AhhhMedia, LLC,” in a statement said, “Our goal is to take a conversation that is happening on the fringes and bring it mainstream.”
Ya mean people are talking about going to a restroom and they do it in secret and you want it to be up front? Like on talk shows and maybe even a reality TV series. Hmmmm. Like maybe, “Manhattan Poopers.” Or, “The Real Johns Of New York.”
He went on to say, “Can a funny and novel approach to sanitation issues change the world in one flush at a time? We think so.”
Hence another reality show title, “One Flush At A Time.”
Going just a step further in these flush wars. “Airnp.co,” says that just in case you happen to be travelling somewhere just off the grid, (far from a toilet) you can download their app which has a novel twist to it. It allows you to actually reserve a seat in a private homeowner’s toilet for a small price.
Yes….one small step to get to a toilet, one giant poop for you.
“Hey….hi…thanks buddy for participating in the rent-a-toilet app. I really gotta go, so um….I’ll thank you after I get out of your bathroom.”
“Hey pal, you DO know it’s $1.00 extra for every square ya use after 10 don’t ya?”
“Oh…yeah….yeah….no problem. Here, here’s two bucks. That should cover it.
“Oh, and if ya flush more than once it’s an extra .50 cents.”
“Ok…ok….geesh….here’s an extra buck just in case.”
“Oh, one more thing. If ya wash yer hands we charge $1.00 for the use of soap and a clean towel and….HEY! where ya going….I thought ya needed to use the bathroom?”
“Forget it pal….I just pooped in my pants ya bastard.”
Finally, just in case you’re not impressed with those two above app options, “Charmin” toilet paper also is getting into the poop on the go business. Their app is called, “Sit or Squat.” Which seems to me a bit sexist when you consider that us men stand when peeing. Unless the app is only if you’re pooping. Not quite sure there.
The Charmin app searches out the nearest commode and allows users to leave their critique, (and poop) afterwards. So you can do your thing and then go on to your iPhone or iPad and tell the world about your bathroom experience. As if we’ll all be waiting with baited breath to hear about that.
Is it me or are there just waaaay too many things on the Internet that we really do not need to know. Like I’m gonna give a crap about who’s taking a crap and where.
PEOPLE……GET A FREAKIN’ LIFE FOR CRIPES SAKE!!!!
One reviewer of those apps says, (poop reviewer) “It gives me a heads up on the nearest restrooms and whether or not they are suitable for my tush.”
YES! Short of taking out a measuring tape and sizing up a commode to see if your butt will fit on it obviously would be a good reason to get reviews on available toilets. My guess anyhow.
I’m assuming that’s what that reviewer meant by getting a “heads up,” on restrooms.
So now all of you who are totally excited about these new iPhone and iPad apps can now download it to your devices and feel safe and secure about leaving your home after eating a cheese burrito and having it hit bottom before you reach your destination.
Depending, of course, just how quickly you can type in that info before that burrito hits bottom. And the distance to the nearest facility….or someone’s home.
Oh…..good luck if you’re on Interstate I-95 and there’s 22 miles till ya get to the the next exit, (according to your app info) when “nature comes calling.”
No app is gonna save your butt then pal.
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