Gawd I Miss Those Erotic LP Covers…………

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Where could you buy erotic art under the guise of innocently buying music that you were into? A record store. Yep….you could purchase erotic art in a record store. They were called “LP Album Covers.”

If you were into erotic art you would then purchase the LP, throw out the vinyl disc, and then spend hours ogling your art. OR…..keep the vinyl disc and enjoy both. The art and the music.

Trouble with that today is that most people download their music and never see the artwork such as the following LP artwork I’m going to show you. WHY! Because, (sob) I miss them.

This first one for some reason everyone agreed was really sensuous. I think it was due to the whipped cream and what every guy thought they’d like to do. Um….with regard to eating…er…..the whipped cream…and…um…beyond.

mmm

Geez….where do I start?

Never one to slight women, Prince figured, what the hell, lets just drop the whipped cream and get down to business.

mmm

50 Shades of Purple

Even the church got into the erotic LP album cover craze. Well, at least “The Monks,” did. Maybe spending all those lonely days and night secluded in monasteries pushed them over the edge.

mmm

WHAT! 

Robert Palmer was under “Pressure” (name of album) to either continue playing with his yo yo or…………….

MMMM

Gimmie a sec baby…..I almost got this mastered

The “Three Degrees” biggest hit was, “When Will I See You Again.” This LP opened up into a full single page of three degrees basically naked which allowed you to REALLY SEE them again….just about naked.

mmmm

Peek-a-boo inside honeeeee

Then there’s one of Carly Simon’s first LP covers showing “No Secrets” by wearing no bra.

mmm

HEY! It was a cold day. I should have worn a jacket.

Then a little bit more for the boys……………

mmmm

Not only can’t I afford any furniture for my place, but clothes either.

Then jussssst a little bit more for us older boys……………..

mmm

Pant……

And one last one just to drive us nuts. Personally I think Carly’s covers were the best. My opinion, “Nobody Does It Better.”

mmmm

Eat your heart out James Taylor

I must have been too busy ogling Carly’s cover and missed “Sugar Ray’s” “Lemonade.”

mmmm

Soooo, what has this got to do with lemonade?

OMG! NIPPLES! Um….WAIT! Oh, sorry, in this instance it’s ok. They’re only Jim Morrison’s nipples. And, as we all know, it’s only women’s nipples that freak out people.

mmm

Light My Fire baybeeeeee

The group “Roxy Music” never quite had any number one hits, but, who gave a rats ass. We only bought their LP’s for this cover.

mmmm

Ok….take three….geez Roxy, ya can’t scratch yourself while we’re tryin’ to do a photo shoot here for cripes sake!

“Buckingham Nicks” was actually Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham which later became “Fleetwood Mac,” at which point they became a huge success and were able to buy clothes for their blockbuster album “Rumors,” but if you observe that album cover you’ll see that their clothes were bought at a local “Goodwill Store.”

mmmm

“Lindsey….I’m freezing my butt off here.”  “Chill out Stevie. One more sec then you can “Go Your Own Way.”

Most of us recall Cher as a brunette. But one of her album covers featured her as a blonde. So I’m not sure if her being a blonde or a brunette is “Closer To The truth.”

mmm

Only my hairdresser knows for sure

I never heard too much about the group the “Strokes” but who cares. I like this cover.

mmm

Too bad THEY didn’t record Clarence Carter’s song, “Strokin.”

And the champions of erotic covers, (my opinion) has to be the “Scorpions.” I’m NOT gonna censor this one either. I figure if they sold it in the stores this way, who the hell am I to censor it.

mmm

(front cover) “This is either my gum or your implants are melting.”

mmmm

(inside sleeve) “Nope…it’s my gum….sorry.”

mmmm

(back cover) “Sorry the gum is stuck on ya, so just show one boob.”

So there ya have it. Some really great erotic LP album covers. Yes, there are hundreds more that I’m sure a lot of you can think of. And will. Like “Two Virgins” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Which was one of the few albums that had to be sold in stores with a paper bag covering it.

Other than Tiny Tim’s album because he was so butt ugly people would barf just looking at it.

I'm

I’m feeling nauseous all of a sudden

To end all this titillating LP erotic stuff, I thought I’d end with the one LP album cover that did not require any censoring.  I think.

mmmm

A rather subtle hint

But I actually did buy this many eons ago so that I could strategically place it in my apartment when I had a date come over as possibly a conversation starter as we both sat on my sofa thinking of something to do. I figure if it worked for married couples, hey, what the hell, might serve as an incentive.

But, it usually ended up with my date saying to me, “Hey, what are ya some kinda perv ya damn jerk!”

At which point, after she stormed out, I put on my unsensual “Gallahads” LP and played their song, “I’m Without A Girlfriend.”

(sigh)

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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