Um….Two Crickets On Rye….Hold The Mayo Please……


Sorry….this story has nothing to do with these crickets.

Ever have a craving for something really crunchy? You know, like reallllly crunchy. Yeah, we all have at one time or another. But, something that will really satisfy that craving.

Hmmm. HEY! A nice tasty cricket sandwich! Crunchy yet not too crunchy and still very tasty to satisfy that craving. Yum


Not THIS cricket either…..

Ok, now that I’ve managed to gross you all out, for those of you who were not grossed out and are really into crunch eating stuff, as well as eating bugs, boy have I got the perfect treat for you.


Yep… got it…THIS cricket

Its called a “Chapul” bar and tastes just as good as other protein bars. The “Aztec” bar comes in three flavors, dark chocolate, coffee and cayenne chili. The “Thai” bar contains coconut ginger lime with almond butter and cashews. Tasty and delicious sounding aren’t they.

Um….did I mention that “Chapul” is the Aztec word for cricket? Oh…sorry…..just a slight fact I failed to mention there.



Yep, these bars contain crickets and it’s all a part of a couple of Salt Lake City businessman, Pat Crowley and his partner Dan O’Neill, to get us all to enjoy eating insects. After all, there are plenty of them all over the place. So, why not eat them. Makes sense to me.cricket5

Since 2012 Crowley and O’Neill have been making high-protein energy bars made from ground up crickets. The pair says that eating insects are environmentally friendly and nutritious and believes his Chapul bar will help to get Americans into eating bugs.

Which, when ya think about it may be a great idea for those of you who live in neighborhoods where there are an overabundance amount of bugs roaming through your houses and apartments and you can’t afford to continually buy cans of “Raid.”

Just scoff those little suckers up, add some flour, throw them in a frying pan, and voila! supper.


Oops….sorry Jiminy

Yes I said “flour.” They have also come up with an innovative cricket flour. I’m assuming next on their list will be some sort of a cricket drink. Anybody’s guess.

Presently, according to bug statistics, two billion people in the world already consume some of the world’s nearly two thousand edible insect species. This includes, (in case you’re already salivating at the thought) crickets, locusts, beetle larvae, scorpions and tarantulas.

“OMFG Harvey…..look out thar over the North 40! Locusts! Gazillions of locusts heading towards us!!!

“Ah calm down Alice. We gots plenty of time before the guests arrive to cook up them suckers. Here, fire up the grill and help me with this big net.”


Yeah, and got eaten up by a bigggg grasshopper

For those of you who tend to have queasy stomachs. Stop reading this NOW.

Sooooo, what parts do you eat on these insects anyhow? I thought you’d never ask. According to Mary Ann Hamilton, and entomologist at the “Butterfly Pavillion in Westminster, Colorado, “You eat the legs and the abdomen. That’s really where all the meat is.”

Me thinkith Mary does not have a lot of guests that accept invitations to her home when she invites them to a cookout.

She goes on to say that, “Sometimes they flash fry them in a wok, sometimes they boil them to get all of the (gag) hair off and then just gobble them up. And sometimes they just roast them over a fire.”

Which you may recall is mentioned in that famous Christmas song by Mel Torme, “Crickets Roasting On An Open Fire.”


Gil is now planning a cricket cooking show

Hmmm. You didn’t listen to me and now you’re barfing aren’t you. HEY! I warned ya. But you just had to read this didn’t you. Oh well, so much for looking forward to tonight’s supper.

Now Mary also stated that Americans and Europeans tend to think that eating insects is downright  disgusting. To which I would reply, “No s**t Dick Tracy.” Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to come to that conclusion.

BUT. In defense of eating insects, she points out that “If we were to forget that bugs are icky then we’d probably think that bugs are delicious. (yeah right) “It was easy for us to forget that lobster and shrimp, which are really the bugs of the ocean, were icky. Now they’re delicacies.”

Which, I guess makes sense when ya think about it. Then again, most of us do not have lobsters and shrimp crawling all over out houses in those nooks and crannies and bugging the hell outta us. I personally can’t ever recall using a can of “Raid” on a lobster or shrimp either.


Again….if you’ve just taken anti nausea medication from reading this stuff when I told you not to, DO NOT continue reading, because it gets worse.

Hamilton says that if you still can’t imagine yourself eating insects, she has some very unsettling news for all of us. (Oh my Gawd,….now what?)

“I want to tell you a secret,” she says. “We eat bugs every day.” (WHAT….are you freakin’ nuts?) “We eat bugs because we have bugs that are milled into our flour that the “Food and Drug Administration” can’t control.” (Damn you Obama!) “Cinnamon, chocolate, those are full of bugs.” (throwing out my cinnamon and chocolate) “Any kind of cereal or cereal grain, there is definitely a bug or two in there. Or at least a piece of one.”

“Honeeeee! Get me my “Frosted Flakes” and a magnifying glass quick!!!!”

You still read all that and now you’re even more nauseous aren’t you. HEY! I warned ya.nauseous

The good news to all this is that for the most part most of our food is safe to eat. Like, I guess, 99.9 percent bugless.

The bad news is that the U.N.’s Edible Insects report warns that “population growth coupled with climate change will make feeding the world extremely difficult in the future.”

Which ultimately means………………..bring on the bugs dear, al dente.

Presently the idea of going buggy is catching on. Chapul bars are now being sold in 100 health food and outdoor recreation stores across America. Which is the main reason I never buy any health food bars at health food stores and recreation areas.

I’m still a bit suspicious of Wal-Mart too, but I cut them some slack. Only because I’ve seen a bug or two crawling across their aisles now and then and I figure if they were into putting insects into health bars there would be no bugs crawling around in their aisles. (logical thinking)


Oh thank Gawd……I was gonna get ya the crickets

Crowley laughs while admitting that some people still buy his bars just for the gimmick. “Yeah, I’d probably say at least 25 percent of the people buy it to give to somebody else, then tell them what is was AFTER the fact.”

Which most likely accounts for the high murder rate among friends visiting other people’s houses and having a quick snack and then discovering what they just ate.

Which, I think, if given one of those insect bars by a friend, and you murder the SOB, can be called “justifiable homicide.”

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to Um….Two Crickets On Rye….Hold The Mayo Please……

  1. katydidknot says:

    I have a tarantula that dines exclusively on crickets. I have to go buy crickets every other week for him to eat, since I don’t trust the ones I find around outside to NOT have traces of poison in them.

    The tarantula doesn’t have teeth, of course, so he has to catch them, fill them full of some sort of acid and then drink them as they break down.

    The upside is that crickets are 7 cents a piece at PetCo,. so it’s a cheap pet.

    I might have steal some of his food sometime and see if I can cut my grocery bill drastically!

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Remind me NOT to visit your house…. : )

         Click here for my daily blog.


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