What we have is the title to that old song….”Happeeeee Days Are Here Again.”
Hmmm. Now how would that song go today….let’s see…..
“Happeeeee days are here again, because we (GOP) can all dredge up again,
That incident in the White House, when Clinton’s pants were down,
And Monica sure as hell went to town,…….Happeeeee Days Are here Again.”
Soooo, ya got Rand (I stand a snowball’s chance in hell of ever becoming President) Paul, Mitt (OMG does anybody remember me?) Romney, and the rest of the media salivating over a BJ decades ago because……um…..because…er…..Geez….what is the freakin’ reason?
OH Yeah….I remember, because Hillary Clinton might run for President in 2016, which I think is a month or two away, isn’t it?
Um, maybeeeee not. But I could be wrong. It just seems like that.
Sooooo, because “EVERYONE” is on the old Bill Clinton got a BJ from Monica Lewinsky decades ago kick, I thought I’d get on it too.
I said E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY! What the hell. Why let all those wonderful BJ cartoons go to waste. There’s a whole new generation out there that missed them. As well as all the sordid details of the story…..and the actual BJ.
So kiddies, here’s the breakdown briefly for ya. You can thank me later.
Once upon a time (1998) a young innocent intern named Monica Lewinsky found herself in peril in a White House closet along with President Bill Clinton, who just happened to be in the same closet after Hillary, his wife and the First Lady, banned him from smoking cigars in the White House, other than in the closets.
Sooooooo, almost overcome by cigar smoke from smoking several cigars in that closet, and ready to pass out, Monica offered to perform a lifesaving measure on the President, which would revive him, get his heart beating, and save the Presidency.
Having experience as a young child performing this valiant act, she immediately saved the President from passing out and, wanting to forever remember how she “asked not what her country could do for her, but what she could do for her country,” saved the dress.
Rather than simply using one of the products she endorses to clean the dress and use it should she have the opportunity to meet another President down the line.
Step in the beautiful and voluptuous Linda Tripp who then said to Monica, “You have a WHAT with a WHAT stain on it from WHO?”
Tripp, sensing the historic nature of that dress…………um….strike that last line. It should read, Tripp sensing the historic nature of getting her grubby hands on that dress and making a name for herself, as well as possibly making a lot of money off it so that she could get a nose job, among other cosmetic surgery perks, got on her horse in the dead of night and as she rang a bell and yelled out, as she rode through the streets of Washington, “BJ News….BJ News….the President got a BJ and I have the stained dress,” the GOP awakened and sensed an opportunity.
Which was, “Hey where can we get a BJ?”
Um…no…sorry. The opportunity children was that the GOP and those that simply hated Clinton, figured this would be the dastardly act that would bring down his Presidency and forever restore peace to the nation and the world.
Hence, and forsooth, as I like to call it……..”Blowjobagate.”
Unfortunately in the land of OZ (America not Australia) BJ’s are not illegal. If they were, 99.9 percent of our politicians as well as the rest of the American male population would be behind bars. Or, (gasp) if the GOP had their way, castrated. Except for GOP politicians.
Sooooooo. BJ’s NOT being illegal, the next best thing was to prove that the President actually did get one of those them thar BJ’s.
HOW….um…..how about we ask him under oath. Yeah, that’s it. Ask him under oath and if he denies it we impeach the SOB.
Which is what happened.
I think it went something like this:
“Mr. President, did you get a BJ from that woman Monica Lewinsky?”
“Um could you define BJ?”
“Ok…ok….um, did you have sex with that woman?”
“Um, could you define sex?”
Which, in his mind, my mind, and a gazillion other males minds, was kinda true. If you kinda look at the definition of sex. Which is……
: the state of being male or female
: men or male animals as a group or women or female animals as a group
AH HA! “Touch each other bodies, kiss each other!”…..Damn, I just had sex with my cat!
OR: “Physical activity that is related to and often includes sexual intercourse.”
Is getting a BJ considered sexual intercourse? Um……maybe it’s that word “related” that nailed Bill. I guess BJ’s are “related” to sexual intercourse. WTF knows.
Anyhow, Clinton denied all that whatever stuff figuring that if “I” Misfit,” or a gazillion other guys just got BJ’s, and they got away with the ol, “Ah did not have sex with that woman” line, “Hey, I’ll give it a shot.”
BUT, step in knight in shining armor special prosecutor Kenneth Starr…..an expert on lying and BJ’s.
Who eventually said that Clinton (gasp) lied about getting a BJ, at which point he was impeached, slapped on the wrist, and sent home.
Alas, the country did not fall into a state of anarchy and we all lived happily ever after until he was out of office and we had to worry about other less important trivial things other than BJ’s, like 9/11, 2 wars, soldiers getting killed, global warming, Obamacare, and……the possibility that Hillary may run for President.
UNTIL……now. When once again BJ’s are in the news. Thanks to Rand Paul, Mitt Romney, the media, the GOP and me.
Um…well ya can’t actually pin that BJ rap on me. “I” didn’t start the fire. As that old philosopher Billy Joel once said.
So there ya have it in a nutshell, or closet, my innocent little children. Now sit back and enjoy the next round of “OMG the President got a BJ, lied, got impeached, and now Hillary might be running for President so lets dredge all this all up again” saga.
Geez……I can hardly wait for the movie.
Hope it’s in 3-D.
Especially the closet scene.
For some insight on hating Presidents check out this article at: :http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/02/17/the-mount-rushmore-fight-club-a-history-of-hating-presidents.html
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