You gotta know that I’m pretty bored today when I’m writing a blog on how you can use banana peels. Then again, I kinda felt sorry for Ellen Sturm Niz who writes for “iVillage” and had this assignment handed to her.
Which makes me feel a lot better writing about bananas, because I figure if she got that assignment to write about bananas, and has to explain that assignment on any of her future resumes, at least “I” don’t have to explain that to anyone.
“Sooooo Ms. Niz, what do you think was your most compelling article that you ever wrote?”
“Oh gee, gollee, by far I think I should be up for a Pulitzer Prize for my article on how to use banana peels around your house.”
Yep….a shoe in for a major Pulitzer Prize if not some other prestigious award.
But, as long as Ellen took the time to write about bananas and how you can put banana peels to use, other than throwing them on the floor at a Wal-Mart so your spouse will slip on them and you can sue the bastards, make a gazillion dollars and retire, here’s some of the suggestions she has for you.
If you’re too cheap to buy shoe polish, you can rub the inside of the peel on your shoes, then buff it, as in Jimmy Buffett, with a soft cloth and it actually works. And drink a Margarita at the same time.
Wanna tenderize meat. Yep, add a ripe banana peel to a roasting pan to keep boneless, skinless cuts of meat from toughening up and drying out during cooking. And while you’re waiting for that roast, eat the damn banana you’re holding in your hand.
Peels also relieve rashes and itches by rubbing the peel over bug bites, poison ivy rashes or psoriasis patches to reduce itchiness and promote healing. Which is one reason I always carry a banana peel in my back pocket during allergy season.
You can also polish silverware with a banana peel. You’ll look stupid doing that if anyone walks in while your polishing silverware with a banana peel, but just claim insanity. Or you can blame it on the fact that I told you to do it.
If you’re a gardener you can get rid of those pesky aphids by burying banana peels around your garden which scares those bugs away. I guess aphids think banana peels are disgusting or something. Actually they are after a few days if ya throw them into your kitchen trash. So it’s understandable why aphids would be repulsed by them too.
For you Harley-Davidison motorcycle riders with all of your leather attire here’s a tip just shortly before you go out and loot and pillage small towns and terrorize the residents. You obviously wanna look your best, so you can do that by polishing your leather skull and crossbones jackets using banana peels. It’ll really scare those townsfolk if you ride into town sporting hundreds of banana peels.
“Gawd Martha, what the hell are them thar motorcycle guys gonna do with them banana peels!”
“OMG Harry, I dunno, but for gawd sakes don’t antagonize them. Heaven knows what the hell they did with the bananas….and I don’t wanna know.”
Hey, how about whitening your teeth using banana peels! Yep, just rub a banana peel on your teeth for about two minutes every time you brush. However, do not attempt to gargle using a banana peel.
You can also treat bruises and scrapes using banana peels because the potassium helps with the healing process when rubbed on a wound. In fact, I would think that instead of using Band-Aids you could simply strap a banana peel to whatever place your wound or scrape is and just keep it there for a bit until you feel it has healed. Or until the fruit flys become too much to handle.
Love vinegar? Well you can use the sour flavor of banana-peel vinegar on salads, to flavor water and tea, or in any recipe that calls for vinegar.
“Sir, would you like some vinegar on your french fries?”
“Um, no, but I’d really like about two or three banana peels instead.”
And my favorite use for banana peels, besides that Wal-Mart suggestion, is treating acne. All ya have to do is the following. Scrub blemishes for 10 minutes with a ripe banana peel. Leave the residue on your face for as long as possible before washing it off before you go to bed. Otherwise, if you leave it on when you’re in bed you could be constantly slipping off the mattress.
There are many more uses for banana peels listed on the “iVillage.com” site if you’re seriously considering using any of these suggestions. None of which involve doing kinky stuff with.
Which was somewhat of a surprise to me considering bananas sometimes do pop up on various porno sites. Not that I would know anything about that mind you, but so I’ve been told. But, if it’s any consolation, I think, and this is just a guess, they only use the banana and not the peels.
Soooooo, slipping along here, time to “peel out” and see what other uses I can find for other stuff that I’d normally toss in the trash.
Hmmmm…..wonder if anyone has figured out a use for notices from bill collectors and junk mail? Besides fireplace kindling.
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