Um WAIT! This politician was Alexander Hamilton. Geez….and I thought Rand Paul would have jumped all over this one too. After all, he is taking us back to the days of “Ah didn’t have sex with that woman,” era. AND….as we all know, if you are a politician and have sex with a woman your career is basically over.
As we know the careers ended for Bill, Newt, Mark Sanford, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, JFK, FDR, and Warren Harding. And, as Sonny and Cher once sang, ‘The Beat Goes On.”
So what is it about sex scandals that get us Americans all in a tizzy. I mean here we are having a White House state dinner in honor of French President Francois Hollande’s visit to America and the media is going berserk because he’s (gasp) alone and not accompanied by his whatever you call her that he is no longer with.
I dunno, mistress, lover, first lady, second lady, third mistress, who the f**k knows. And….basically, other than we Americans, who the f**k gives a rats ass.
I’ve always been of the mind-set, (as feeble as my mind is) that if a politician does his job 100% while governing the country, what the hell does his sex life have to do with anything. I don’t care who the hell he’s screwing as long as he’s not screwing us. My motto.
So now Rand Paul is on a Clinton roll dredging up the Monica Lewinsky BJ incident, which, as we can recall, brought down the government and sent all of us back to the stone ages never to recover again.
Why is Paul doing this. Oh, I dunno, maybe because he’s going to run for President in 2016 and is scared of Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton and any new cats, (to replace Socks the cat) that may get involved in the 2016 election.
Half the people alive today most likely remember the Clinton episode. The other half, mostly young people, could give a s**t. WHY! Sex is sex….EVERYBODY does it believe it or not. Although I do have my doubts about Rand Paul. So who cares.
OR….in using that famous anti Hillary Republican war cry, “WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE.”
Sooooo, let’s put this in perspective. As Congressman Mark Foley probably would say as he was sending titillating text messages to several young male pages…..”#R U Free 2 nite.”
I mentioned Alexander Hamilton at the beginning of this blog. Apparently Rand Paul missed that one as well.
According to Ken McMurry in his article entitled, “9 Of The Most Famous Political Sex Scandals Throughout History,” Hamilton “might have had an affair, or he might have stolen a ton of money from the federal government. But rumor has it that Maria Reynolds, the wife of a Philadelphia speculator, approached Hamilton one night crying a sad tale about her husband leaving her and asking to borrow money to get back to New York.”
Sooooo, after giving her the money, “Hamilton also realized that he could tap that, (Mary) and he continued to give her money and “tap” that for 3 years.” Which is most likely why his photo appears on our $10 bills. Hey…if you’re gonna “tap” some babe, might as well give her some remembrances of you when you also give her cash.
Rand Paul also might have given a free pass to Senator Larry Craig’s airport bathroom escapades. As you may recall he was arrested for lewd behavior at the Minneapolis airport in 2007.
“Psssst. Hey pal, um, ya got any extra toilet tissue there with ya in the next stall.”
“Oh, yeah, sure…here, I’ll slide it under the stall.”
“Oh….no problem sweetie, I’ll come over and get it myself…heh heh.”
Not playing party favorites here, there was JFK who dallied his dilly with various women. Like Marilyn Monroe, Gunilla von Post, Judith Exner, gangsters girlfriends and Jessica Rabbit. Um, not too sure about that last one as Jessica was after JFK’s time. Unless he nailed her when she was very young. Might wanna research that one Rand.
And of course FDR. Even though he was crippled by polio as a child, it did not stop him from cheating on his wife. Then again, have you EVER seen a pic of FDR’s wife? So, as far as I’m concerned ya have to cut him a bit of slack there.
Lucy Mercer was First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt’s social secretary. Tall, blond and beautiful. Ok…..enough said. I get it. Um, ok…so what else?
FDR fell hard for Lucy, and she, like all good patriotic Americans, served at the pleasure of the President. LITERALLY! As far pleasuring the President goes. As Bill Clinton will also attest to.
As will the former Presidential cat “Socks.”
Anyhow, Mrs. Roosevelt found out about the affair when she discovered a bunch of love letters from Lucy in her husband’s belongings. Geez….what a dummy. Hiding your love letters in your belongings. Any guy knows ya never hide love letters in your belongings for cripes sake. Mayonnaise jar or tool box, but NEVER in your personal belongings.
Sooooo, FDR promised, (with fingers crossed) that he would never see Lucy again….nor Peanuts or Linus and never read the comic strip as well. BUT….he continued to see her on the side, (which side of the White House is unknown) any time he was in D.C. for the next 30 years, (obviously not hiding any more letters in his belongings) and on the day that he died, it was in her arms.
Thomas Jefferson, (not related to the TV show the Jefferson’s) slept with his slave Sally Hemmings and fathered her last child. Being a slave did have some advantages I guess.
We all know about Eliot Spitzer who built his career on busting prostitution rings and at the same time playing with boobs busting out all over.
Rand, are ya taking notes here?
Lest we not forget what brought all of this on, Bill Clinton’s BJ in a White House closet courtesy of obliging Monica Lewinsky.
Yes, much to the glee of Clinton haters, (soon to be carried over into Hillary’s campaign if she runs…um…WAIT, it already has) Bill was impeached for lying about sex. And we all know, at least us men, that if your spouse or girlfriend asks you if you’ve had sex with another woman, you ALWAYS admit to it. Unlike Clinton who lied.
Soooo, how would any of us red blooded American macho honest to goodness guys respond to that same situation……
“Dear, you no good rotten slimebag. Did you go out last night and have sex with a hooker?”
“Um, what do ya mean by sex dear?”
“Did you or did you not either jump her bones, she jumped your bones, inserted your woody into her, or received any sort of activity involving your Johnson which at any time would be construed as having or participating in sex of any nature?”
“Um, well, as long as ya put it that way…YES!”
“Ok…..as long as you’re not lying about it…..nite dear.”
Finally, good ol Warren Harding, who had a big one similar to his last name, and nailed Carrie Fulton Phillips, the wife of a prominent department store owner. After Harding was nominated for the Presidency, she threatened to come forward about the affair. Which led the Republican party to say, “GADZOOKS!!!” At which time they forked over $50,000 as well as monthly stipends to Ms. Phillips and then shipped her entire family off to Japan.
Ah sooooo, how low can you go.
So, in conclusion Mr. Rand. Dredge up all of the ancient history ya want to about the Clinton’s, but keep in mind sex has no party favorites. Democratic or Republican.
When a politicians gavel gets hard when he comes across any hot woman, and the opportunity arises, among other things, it’s boh-dee-oh-doh time in the city. Namely D.C.
Taking a line from that “Capital One” TV commercial.
“Whats in your pants Rand.” Or…better yet……who’s been in YOUR pants?”
Or, to put it in a better perspective for all of you sinners:
“Jesus faced a mob that was eager to execute a woman caught in adultery. He put a stop to it with a simple challenge: anyone who has no sin in their life should step forward and throw the first stone.”
At which point his mother Mary picked up a stone and threw it at him.
And Jesus replied: “For cripes sake mom, knock it off will ya.”
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