Ya know folks, sometimes it just blows my mind how Hollywood comes up with new ideas for movies. I say this because of a new movie that “Warner Brothers” is making entitled, “Spacesuit.”
Yes, a movie about a spacesuit…or spacesuits, depending, I guess, on how many actual spacesuits they have in the movie. Um, wait a sec.
Oh, sorry, it’s not about a movie that features spacesuits just floating around in space, but a movie about how “Playtex,” yes, the same people who make booby holders, contributed to the design of astronauts spacesuits.
Now doesn’t that sound absolutely thrilling. Gawd, I can’t wait for this movie to hit the theaters.
I mean, look at this thrilling scene from the movie:
Sorry, that wasn’t one of the scenes………..
I think THIS one was………………maybe.
Holy crap! Was that exciting or what! (putting DVD of that movie on my “Netflix” cue)
Apparently what producers think will draw us to movie theaters by the hundreds, if not thousands, is the story about how “Playtex” contributed to the development of astronauts spacesuits by using the same technology they used for making bras.
Most likely because back in the Apollo days, I guess, NASA wasn’t quite sure if male astronauts would develop boobs from being in space for long periods of time, or, if women astronauts would develop huge gigantic boobs for the same reason. Better to be safe than sorry.
Hugh Hefner was rooting for the latter.
But, actually it was developed because of the hostile environment of space. Past spacesuits made out of cybernetic, armor-like suits continually failed. So “Playtex” stepped in and created suits of softness, with world-class stitching and perfect design. As any man who has unbuckled a bra will tell you is very important. Without EVER having to go into space.
So the movie, as thrilling as it appears to be, will highlight the development of “Playtex” bra spacesuit material with each breath-taking stitch.
Exciting moments such as how they reused bra straps and showing how the Nylon fabric that a bra-cup is made of was used to give strength to the latex so that it didn’t expand under air pressure.
Obviously if you’re in space wearing a bra or bra material you DO NOT want the material to expand under air pressure. Then there’s no support and things, or various body parts would be floating all over the place in space. Not very good if you’re trying to maneuver a spacecraft and you’re distracted by floating boobs or gawd knows what else.
But, the real story is the human story according to Nicholas de Monchaux, who wrote the book “Spacesuit: Fashioning Apollo,” which is where the idea for this movie came from. He cites the “women,” (seamstresses) who were literally taken off the bra and girdle line, and, instead, asked to create a spacesuit that had to be sewn within a sixty-fourth of an inch without any pins that might puncture the bladder.”
Yep, ya don’t want a pin prick in your bladder when you’re floating around in space.
“Yeah, what is it Grosnick?”
“Um, I think I have a prick in my bladder.”
“Grosnick, we ALL have pricks near our bladders. Knock off the jokes for cripes sake!”
“No, No….I mean my spacesuit has a prick in it and I think it punctured my bladder.”
“Ya know Grosnick, you’re beginning to piss me off with the prick jokes.”
“YES! YES! That’s it…I’m getting pissed off……literally!!!!”
Might be an actual scene from the movie but I’m not too sure about that. You might have to wait for the previews.
de Monchaux went on to point out that the seamstresses “have the most amazing stories.” They’re incredibly proud and they have incredible stories, and no one had really told their story before.”
“So there I am sitting next to Irma when I suddenly realized I had sewn my skirt by accident to part of the bra I was making. In a state of panic, I got up and attempted to shut off the sewing machine but tripped over Horace the janitor and we both fell on the floor and my entire dress ripped off exposing my undies which then revealed that I was wearing a “Maidenform” bra and not a “Playtex” bra, which was a requirement for anyone working on the assembly line.”
OR, as in those past “Maidenform” ads, “I dreamed I fell on top of a janitor wearing my “Maidenform” bra.”
Geez, too bad “Playtex” didn’t come up with that “I dreamed I was wearing” ad before “Maidenform” did. Then they could have capitalized on their space connection by having a woman astronaut saying, “I dreamed I was Sandra Bullock floating in space wearing my “Playtex” bra while George Clooney was ogling me.”
So the reporter who wrote this story, Bryan Adams, summed up the plot of the movie by saying, “Act One: Unexpected firm gets the (spacesuit) contract. Act Two: They lose it. Act Three: They get it back but they have to figure out the bureaucracy and then the climax, moon landing.”
OMG! I can hardly wait for this movie. I’m sure all of you are just as excited as I am too. So we’d better keep an eye open for the release date. Don’t wanna miss this one like I missed the last exciting movie about underwear.
“Fruit of the Loom:” How Anthony Weiner Exposed His Fruit.”
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