NOW! Phone Sex In Living Color! Thanks Skype….I think.

MMMM

Was it good for you dear? Um…yeah honey….especially that sensuous touch tone thing ya do.

Remember times from the olden days, you know, before cars, electricity and working toilets when ya had to just endure such hardships as having phone sex while actually talking on the phone and not being able to see the person you were having phone sex with.

Which is still somewhat of a problem today if you do not have “Skype” and are not able to see your partner. Like some of you who dial those 1-800-sex line numbers, for a fee, and speak to some woman named “Candy” or “Sweetlips” and you begin to do all that kinky stuff over the phone.

Because 95% of the time “Candy” or “Sweetlips” is some 75 year-old retired woman with hair on her face making a few bucks by talking to you dirty over the phone. But, not seeing her, it may work for those of you who can’t find a real honest to goodness actual woman with which to have sex with.

mmmm

Before Skype

Now it’s much more easier to have phone sex and actually know who you’re talking to thanks to “Skype.”

Geez, back in my day as a teenager I had to hide in a closet when I was having phone sex so that my parents wouldn’t hear me. Which is why I have a severe case of claustrophobia today and are allergic to mothballs.

Skype

Skype in my day

But, according to an article in “Laptop,” which I assume is either a magazine about laptop computers, or articles about having sex while a stripper is sitting on your lap, long distance relationships can get hard, (so can you) but thankfully we have phones, text messages and, as they say, video chats.

Which is obviously a great way to meet someone special.

mmm

Hey….ah feel your pain pal…..I’m dating Mrs. Butterworth

According to a survey of “Skype” users in America and the UK, 96 percent of respondents say that “Microsoft’s” video chatting program makes for a closer connection with their far-away partners. AND…..nearly 30 percent of those perverted respondents also admitted having engaged in “naughty” calls over “Skype.”

Which may also account for the rise in disinfectant wipes you spot that are kept near phones and computers when you go to people’s houses and want to use their phone or computer.

(NOTE) Always carry a pair of latex rubber gloves when visiting anyone’s house who uses “Skype.”

mmm

One advantage of having Skype

Many a long-distance relationship has been saved thanks to “Skype.” 47 percent of those having long-distance relationships say that without the service the distance would have been too much to carry on a relationship.

Not to mention that if you were already carrying on a relationship and THEN got “Skype” and really saw that the person you were having a relationship with was butt ugly, then you could simply pull the plug, change your phone number, or hire someone to say you died.

mmm

Dear Monica. It’s that Clinton guy isn’t it.

This feature allowing people to have phone sex while watching each other, according to 61 percent of the horny toads who responded to this survey, said that it helps to improve their romantic relationships.  Not sure if they meant with their computers or the person they were talking to.

Then again, I suppose having phone sex via a computer is a lot better than no sex. Once Microsoft develops a USB port that you can insert your…um…….well you get my drift.

Geez….I’d love to read about the first idiot that has to dial 911 because he got his woody stuck in a USB port while having phone sex. Watch for it folks.

Now you do not necessarily have to have phone sex at home either. Nope, you can take it on the go. Or….get it on the go.skype2

Users can take “Skype” on the go with mobile apps so they can chat, (yeah right) anytime, or, (rather than chat) take these naughty calls or dates somewhere discreet. Like maybe behind a Wal-Mart store parking lot or some other secluded spot.

(“Skype” sex)

“Ohhhhh Seymour……OMG! Do that one more time so I can get a little bit more turned on.”

“Ok, sure baybee……do ya want me to do it slower this time so you can see what I’m doing and catch all of the action?”

“Yes…realllll slow.”

“Ok….here we go…..ready?”

“Yeah…do it….do it…..!”

“Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Honeeeeeee WTF happened?

“Damn! I was so turned on with our video sex I lit a cigarette and THEN stuck my Johnson into the lighter hole before it cooled down…DAMN!”

“The cigarette lighter hole…..cripes why’d ya do that?”

“Hey….ya gotta improvise using phone sex sometimes when we’re not actually together ya know. DAMN! Hey, dial 911 for me will ya.”

mmm

Cause she thinks I joined the priesthood

Now that video chat and “Skype” is being widely used, the “Laptop” site says that they expect a huge spike in calls with Valentine’s Day approaching.

Which may prompt the “Hallmark Card Company” or “American Greetings,” to offer a slight variation in their traditional Valentine’s Day card verses.

“Roses are red, violets are blue,

We’re miles and miles apart, and I miss you.

Fear not my love, I know what we can do,

Call me on Skype, and we’ll video screw.”

Kinda romantic don’t ya think.

(sniff)

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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