Self Driving Cars?


Just tell him you bought him a super motorized scooter along with $100 bucks to play a slot machine at a casino

Technology  is moving way too fast for my liking. I’m still trying to figure out how to get that #!&%$#! engine light to go off in my truck. Yet, do ya think those brainiacs in Detroit have figured that out for me yet? NO!

Instead they’ve developed new technology that allows you to some day, by the year 2025, to let your car drive you instead of you driving your car.

Sooooo, if a self-driving car hits you, and then takes off, (hit & run) who the hell ya gonna blame?


Ok…I will……”Dear a**hole…..

I’m not sure if I would immediately get on board with this. Not until they at least see what glitches may develop in the first few years. ya never know.

I say this because you know damn well some idiot is gonna get behind the wheel of one of those cars and figure, hey, what the hell, might as well take a snooze and let the car do the driving.


A “Volvo” safety driver reads the paper and sips coffee while his car drives him. Taken shortly before he plowed into the back of that semi.

“Sir, are you alright? That was some terrible thirteen car pileup you were involved in.”

“Huh….pileup….thirteen cars…..whre the f**k am I?”

“Um you’re lying in the road here sir. Do you remember anything about the accident?”

“Accident? What accident? Last thing I remember I was lying on a beach in Hawaii with three gorgeous chicks waiting on me sipping a cocktail.”


Instant milkshakes too

There apparently are a lot of complex questions about insurance and liability involved in cars that drive themselves. Like I would think who is to blame if your car slams into another car. Do you get outta the car and say, “Hey, wasn’t my fault…..I wasn’t even driving.”

This also opens the door for more interaction with people who may be in your car with you. Why pay attention to the road when you can be getting it on in the back seat with some hot chick. Makes sense to me.

Then, if per chance the automatic driver takes a wrong turn or something, both of you could be back seat drivers and really lay into that computer with all kinds of nasty comments.

“Hey you dumb ass computer. WTF are ya doin? The turn was two miles back you dumb jerk. WHAT! Are you runnin’ on Windows Vista or some other outdated system?”


Google “Google car crashes.”

In this article about self driving cars I especially like the statement, “Driving down a twisty mountain road is fun, for instance, but it might be nice to read the paper or play a hand of cards with fellow passengers while the car’s electronics take care of the daily commuting chores or a long mind-numbing highway trek.”

Yeah sure. Like I’m gonna trust a computer to navigate a twisty mountain road while I’m playing cards or reading the paper. Half the time I don’t even trust myself navigating a twisty mountain road let alone a computer. AND……………

What happens if some wisenheimer computer nerd decides to invent something that can hack into a car’s computer? Yeah, think about that! One minute you’re cruising along on the FDR highway in Manhattan without a care in the world, reading your paper, or scarfing down a McDonald’s fish filet sandwich and the next thing ya know your 30 feet below the Hudson River and fish are snacking on you!


Harvey now sleeps wid da fishes….thanks to technology

Now I’m not one to go out and try new technology right away. I usually wait about 20 years till it’s perfected. Which is why I’m still using an Atari computer. But people who get paid big bucks to know about these things, (computer dorks) say that the technology behind autonomous (without control) driving has largely been developed now.

Geez. That’s comforting. What else did they say?

“The remaining technical hangups are miniaturization, cost containment and system integration.”

Which, to me, is gobbledygook for, “Hey, so we got a few glitches to work out. Whats a few minor accidents involving 50 car pileups and body parts….nooooo problem.”

Want more comforting news. Ok. Google has been testing its self-driving cars for several years now.” The key words here are “several years.”

“Those vehicles have collectively run up more than 300,000 miles on real streets and highways without an accident. (The good news)

(The bad news) “Although there are reports that human monitors who sit in the driver seats have had to intervene a few times.”

“Ralph!  Ralph! Quick grab the steering wheel! Something’s wrong! We’re heading for a cliff with a 2,000 foot drop…RALPH!!!! RALPH!!!! For gawds sake stop shaving in the rear view mirror and grab the wheel…..RALPH!!! RALPH!!!!”

“Um…..what Harry?”


Um….just add a woman driver

In defense of these self-driving cars, researchers sent one of these cars up Colorado’s “Pikes Peak” which is  a 12.42-mile stretch of road that has about 160 turns and rises 6,500 feet from just about halfway up the 14,100-foot mountain without incident. Except for a few engineers who pooped in their pants. Just kidding, but if it were me, that would be a given.

But the lack of technology isn’t what’s holding back these cars from being mass-produced currently. It’s due to the fact that computers are only good as the humans who program them. “If you say putting a computer in place of the human driver makes a car safer, you’ve got to remember that the computer is susceptible to human error.”

Which basically means that if there’s a glitch in your self-driven car, NEVER let some guy, like your best friend or next door neighbor, attempt to fix it for you. That and the fact that if you own a computer you know at the most critical time they either freeze up or suddenly decide to do an update.

Which would not be good if you’re zipping along a road in the Grand Canyon just sightseeing and your self-driven car decides to suddenly do an update or freezes up.



Then again, if that does happen, just think of yourself contributing to society.

From your sudden demise behind the wheel of a self-driven car much will be learned from examining why you went off that cliff in the first place.

One small step for man………… giant leap off of the Grand Canyon for mankind.

Hmmmmm. Wonder if parachutes are an option with these self-driven cars?

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2014 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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