Yes…..gadzooks and forsooth! A new invention that will save all of mankind from….um…
WHAT! A USB type thingy that detects if your kid has a wet diaper!!!!!!! WTF!
Ohhhhh, I get it now. You plug this USB device into your computer, then plug another USB flash drive into your kid and if it short circuits from the dampness of a wet diaper, shazam! the kid has a wet diaper. Ingenious!
Oh yeah, like really ingenious from having to determine if your child has a dirty diaper the old-fashioned way. FEEL HIM OR HER!
Or, perhaps notice the wet spot slowly trickling down those snuggies towards your shag rug.
OMG….how would I have ever known otherwise without this remarkable new invention? How did gazillions, if not trillions of parents EVER know their child had a dirty diaper? How ever did mankind survive without this? Just blows your mind doesn’t it.
So, you’re asking yourselves, why do I need and want this new invention? Maybe because you’re too freakin’ lazy to determine if your kid has a wet diaper by checking to see if he or she has a wet diaper. My guess anyhow.
But, perhaps you should look at the promo video for this new invention before you pass judgement.
I know what you’re all thinking. OMG! I gotta have it! I gotta have it!
Which I would reply to you: “Gimmie a freakin’ break. You need a USB device to determine if your kid has a wet diaper!!!! OMFG!
How about a USB device that detects if you’re a complete idiot if you go out and buy this because you’re too damn lazy to check your kids’ diaper. Plug it in and if the light comes on and says IDIOT! just go shoot yourself.
Yes, I know, some of you are gonna rush out and buy this gizmo. So, as a public service, in case you missed this earth shattering story from the tech people at Yahoo and writer Alyssa Bereznak, I shall attempt to explain how this amazing USB device works. Which you already know from observing the video, but without my input.
Besides, I’m sure a lot of you already have experience with diapers even if you don’t have any children if you’ve flown on one of those transatlantic flights.
Michigan based engineer Eric Schuh, (huh) was totally frustrated by the inconvenience of checking his daughter’s diaper. (So like, why inconvenience yourself by having a kid in the first place..geez)
Soooooo, he decided to build an inexpensive key chain that you could hold up next to your kid that will light up when it senses that it’s near moist clothing.
Works very well if you’re walking down any street and you pass a wino that has peed his pants. Might wanna just alert him that his pants are wet just in case he doesn’t know it. As a public service of course.
The design for this key chain pee detector is basically a “juiced-up” USB stick. You press a button and hold it up near a wet diaper and a sensor detects the moisture and the top of the stick lights up. Oh joy.
I’m assuming you charge this USB stick in your USB input on your computer. Um, personally I would be careful if it detects pee and THEN you plug it into your USB port. Somehow I don’t think the word “wet” and “electronics” go together very well. I could be wrong…….but why chance it.
Now, furthermore, Schuh’s unnamed device is somewhat reminiscent of something called, “TweetPee,” which is a Twitter-connected device that alerts you that you have peed in your pants from reading too many funny posts on Twitter.
Um, no, that’s not actually what it is. It’s called “TweetPee,” and it IS a Twitter-connected device that “Huggies” debuted in select markets in May of last year. That gadget attaches to your child’s diaper and tweets at you whenever it has detected moisture. It also measures the rate at which families use diapers.
Now why in the hell didn’t Edward Snowden reveal that! Huggies monitoring who, what and where families use diapers! Bastards.
But, according to the article, who wants a gizmo attached to your kid at all times. Besides, who knows what other information Huggies is collecting. Ya never know. Maybe they can detect if you’re wearing diapers too. Or even worse, play acting out your weird fantasies with your other half while wearing a diaper. OMG!
So they suggest rather than worry about Huggies or the NSA monitoring your activity, or your kids, why not just fork over a mere $12 for that USB device that Schuh has invented.
There is just one slight downside. Schuh says that so far he hasn’t been able to experiment with all types of diaper-fabric combos. Which basically means that if you purchase that device it may or may not detect a wet diaper if your kid is wearing say, Reynolds Wrap if you’re too cheap to spend money on actual diapers. Or even Saran Wrap. OR….no diaper at all. In which case I thinkith you’d be able to spot if your kid peed his pants or not.
So, I guess the world will now be a better place in which to live now that this new device will be available sometime next month.
(marking date on my calendar)
Only because, I for one, do not want to walk into a “Best Buy” or “Staples” while I’m in a rush to pick up a new USB flash drive and inadvertently pick up one of those pee diaper detectors, get home, plug it in, and nothing happens.
Then I’d get all pissed off that I bought the wrong USB device.
Which would then mean, if I got all pissed off, that it would work by detecting that I got all pissed off.
Might just by one for those moments when I do get pissed off.
You know how it is. You get so into doing what you’re doing, get pissed off by something, not realize it, and the next thing ya know your jeans are soaked. Don’t ya just hate that!
(placing order for a pee USB)
And finally, for you new dads, again, as a public service, a cartoon for you to clip and hang on the fridge:
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