Have I Got A Cruise Deal For Ya. If you don’t mind a few rats.

Hey, if you can get a really great deal on a cruise why let a few rats on board bother you. My thinking anyhow.

The

The beautiful cruise liner “Lyubov Orlova.” 

Um….wait just a sec here.

Well, um, maybe ya might wanna wait till authorities get rid of those rats before you book a cruise on this particular ship which is currently inhabited by packs of disease-ridden rats who, because rats do not carry any cash on them, are eating each other. Either that, or the food on that ship really sucks.

Plus....no rats allowed

Plus….no rats allowed

By now you’ve heard of that ship that’s been out there in the North Atlantic since 2012, the “Lyubov Orlova”, which is a Russian ship, and was cut loose a while back from Canada.

The problem here folks is that the ship is drifting towards Ireland, Scotland or perhaps towards the southern tip of England. Not good if you live in any of those places because, being Russian rats, obviously they do not speak any English, so communicating with them might be a problem. And ya never know which rats are just regular rats and not Russian rat spies.

The ship was named after Russian actress, Lyubov Orlova, which I’m sure all of you are familiar with, and holds up to 110 passengers, not including the rats.

You named

You named a rat infested WHAT after me!!!!!

Now my question here is this. Why is it that no one can seem to figure out how to exactly solve this rat problem. Let alone getting them to pay for their cruise.

One guy, Belgian Pim de Rhoodes, said that if he can get on board, he’ll have to spread poison everywhere. How you exactly do that with a gazillion hungry rats running around and not get eaten by hoards of them is beyond me. Seems to me the guy would be totally outnumbered. Kinda like the same situation General George Custer faced at Little Big Horn.

Remember his famous last words: “Holy crap, lookit’ all them f**king Indians!” Or something like that. I think they cleaned it up a bit for the history books.custer5

If that guy Rhoodes gets on board that ship he may be saying the same thing, shortly before he’s eaten alive, “Holy crap, lookit’ all them f**king rats!” Aghhhhhhh!!!!

Rats simply do not give a rats ass about who they eat or what they eat. Which is why they’re called rats I guess.willard5

See, the Canadians were smart when it came to dealing with these rats. In 2010, the ship was impounded in Newfoundland, Canada in a dispute over debts and then it was deserted by her unpaid crew. At that point, the rats, who were also unpaid, figured, what the hell, might as well stick around and eat one another.

So, after two years of being tied up in that Canadian port, the decision was made to tow the ship to the Dominican Republic in the Caribbean where it would be scrapped. Which also got Canada off the ol rat hook.

Unfortunately, in heavy seas, the tow-line to a tug broke which prompted the Canadian government to send out another ship to drag it out to sea and release it. Good plan Canadians. As Sarah Palin would say, “How’d that work out for ya?”

Heyyyy

Heyyyy…I didn’t really say that about rats, but WTF, if it gets me in the news…

So now everybody is up in arms, or rats, as to what exactly to do with this ship. Let it go to Ireland, Scotland or England. Sink it at sea. Or have a giant rat barbecue.

No one seems to have a solution to this rat problem.

Now I’m no rat expert, other than various human rats I have encountered in my lifetime, but I think I’d approach this problem differently.

I would hire a helicopter loaded with some really tasty cheese, which I’m assuming rats love, and lace it with some sort of poison, drop it on the ship, and let them suckers have a feast for themselves. And if some of those rats don’t like cheese, they’ll eventually eat the ones that ate the cheese and die anyhow. How simple is that!

Or, simply hire Officer John McClane, (Bruce Willis) to go on board and single-handedly wipe out each and every rat with a big gun. Just like he always does in those “Die Hard” movies. If anybody can do it, Bruce can.

If not, hey, at least we won’t be subjected to anymore of those totally believable “Die Hard” movies once those rats get their paws on him.

MMMM

At least before you turn 80

Then again, might make a nice action sequel movie to go along with those “Die Hard” movies.

“Get Rid Of The Rats or Die Hard.”

Kinda catchy don’t ya think.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Have I Got A Cruise Deal For Ya. If you don’t mind a few rats.

  1. Katy says:

    What a screwed up story! This needs to be made into a Pixar film.

    The cannibalism can be implied, I guess. Either that or it can be the first PG-13 Pixar film.

    • misfit120 says:

      Hey…’Snakes On A Plane,” why not “Rats On A Cruise.” Makes sense to me.

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

      ________________________________

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