Yep, I got that “Would You Believe” line from watching too many episodes of “Get Smart” starring Don Adams. In case you don’t remember that continuing bit during the series, here it is………..http://youtu.be/0Hd2e_tRBlY
Soooooo, with regard to Bonnie and Clyde, I came across a really old Internet story on the couple posted by “Ancestry.com” back in May. Why it popped up on my computer today is beyond me considering their article starts out with:
“This month marks the 79th anniversary of the deaths of notorious crime duo Bonnie and Clyde, May 23, 1934.”
I just checked my calendar and, if I’m correct, it’s January 26, 2014 and not May 23, 2014. Sooooo, I’m assuming the article was on the Internet back in May of 2013 and they posted it simply to promote their site, “Ancestry.com” and figured, what the hell, people might read the Bonnie and Clyde story and then go to their site and research their family trees, or bushes, and discover they might be related to Bonnie and Clyde.
Otherwise, I don’t have a clue.
Anyhow, I did enjoy reading about the “Would you Believe” part of their article. Bit didn’t get sucked into joining their site. I don’t have a family tree worth researching. In fact, my family tree is so small it’s a twig.
So what about this “Would You Believe” Bonnie and Clyde stuff.
Would you believe that Bonnie Parker was still married to her first husband Roy Thornton while claiming to be married to Clyde Barrow. Yep. In fact, on the day she was riddled with bullets she was wearing her first husbands ring and actually had a tattoo on her knee that said Bonnie and Roy.
“Clyde! Clyde! We’re being ambushed by those dirty rotten low down no good nik motherf***ing coppers……..duck…..duck!!!!!!”
“Ok Bonnie honey, I’m ducking…and…um…….wait a goddamn second here! WTF! You still got your ex husbands tattoo on your freakin’ knee!!!!!!!!!!”
“Um, well, er….Clyde baybeee….um…..but I’m with you now honeeee.”
“Yeah, and I see you’re still wearin’ his wedding ring too…WTF!!”
“Don’t but baybeee me ya two timin’ bitch. If I’m goin’ down in a hail of bullets, so are you baybeeeee. My freakin’ bullets….pow, pow, pow.”
Would you believe Bonnie and Clyde were both short people. Bonnie was 5′ 11″ and Clyde was only 5′ 4.” So basically, considering I myself only stand 5′ 4,” better not f**k with me either you bastards.
Would you believe Bonnie was an honor student and a poet. Which really helped out her cause when she was being riddled by bullets.
“I thinkith I am being shot. Therefore alive I am not.”
She did manage to write “The Story of Bonnie and Clyde” which was actually published in several newspapers and immortalized their tale. Unfortunately she never finished the ending of that story. Why? Because, once again my children, they riddled her body with a gazillion bullets. Not good if she was hoping for a book deal.
Would you believe Bonnie and Clyde remained close to their families. Which is what led to their eventual demise due to their pattern of visiting their families on a regular basis. The feds were able to track them down by those regular visits,
“Heyyyyy Bonnie, Heyyyyy Clyde, nice to see you two again. Takin’ some time off from all that bank robbin’ stuff are ya?”
“Yeah mom, dad, we figured there’s nothin’ like family and some really good home cookin. Um, geez…..have we been gone that long…I don’t recognize all the other relatives here today. Nice suits there wearin’ too.”
“Ohhhh, um, yeah…um…relatives…er……RUN BONNIE…..RUN CLYDE!!!!!!”
Would you believe that when Bonnie and Clyde were gunned down by the coppers hordes of people flocked to the scene of their death. Hordes I tell ya, hordes. Um, I said “hordes” not “whores.” Sometimes you have to make these things perfectly clear. Especially for the spelling impaired.
Some went there to collect souvenirs such as body parts Yep, ears, fingers, (good thing there were no whores there or some other body part of Clyde’s may have been of interest) snippets of Bonnie’s blood soaked dress and pieces of the bullet riddled glass from their car.
In fact, one guy offered Clyde’s father $30,000 for his body.
“Mr. Barrow, mah name is Frebus Slocknerd and ahm prepared to offer you $30,000 fer yer son Clyde’s bullet riddled bloody body.”
“$30,000 thousand dollars!!!! Fer the entire body?”
“Um, is that $30,000 dollars fer the entire body or bits and pieces?”
“Bits and pieces? I don’t understand what ya mean.”
“Well sonny, you DO know Bonnie and Clyde were shot by them there low down coppers and they fired over 100 bullets hitting each of them 25 freakin’ times.”
“Yeah, so what?”
“Well, do ya have any idea what a slice of Swiss cheese looks like?”
“Um yeah but……..”
“Well keep that image in yer mind sonny and if ya catch my drift you might wanna consider yer offer for an intact Clyde body. Now, if ya wanna negotiate fer some pieces of Clyde, well maybe we can work somethin’ out. Say um….so much for various body parts.”
And finally, would you believe that eight decades later, (80 years for those of you who flunked math) you can actually see the bullet riddled car that Bonnie and Clyde were shot in at “Whiskey Pete’s Casino” in Primm, Nevada just outside of Las Vegas.
Unfortunately there are no actual body parts included in that display. Bummer.
You would have thought that if Clyde’s father had actually sold his son’s body to that guy who offered him $30,000 that it might have been part of that display at that Nevada casino. Could have shellacked Clyde’s body to preserve him, attach a slot machine arm and a few neat graphics like cherries or bananas, or better yet, machine guns and bullets in the payout window, which obviously would be where his eyeballs would have been, and “wha-la” an instant attraction for any slot player….who was into Bonnie and Clyde.
Maybe even a Bonnie slot machine right next to Clyde’s. With boob buttons for the spins. Sure as hell would attract male Bonnie followers. Just sayin.”
HEY! Ya think I’m kidding. Take a stroll through ANY casino and you’ll see what I’m talkin’ about. For instance…………………………
And you thought my idea for a Bonnie and Clyde slot machine was stoopid! Hah!
I didn’t fall off the ol crap table yesterday ya know.
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