HAH! Proof….Old People Are Freakin’ Einsteins…..Um…well….not all of them.

mmm

Comment from the late Stanley Kroznorf

I’m way over the hill when it comes to my age. Do I look it? NO. Do I sound like I’m older than dirt? NO. Can I still find my way to the bathroom without getting lost? YES. Um, unless it’s in the middle of the night and I try to get there when the lights are out. But, ya gotta cut me some slack there pal.

So, all that said, which I just did, there are some, and I detest using this word, “elderly” people who do look old, sound old, and can’t find their way to the bathroom without tinkling along the way. Or tripping over a cat.

mmm

And try not to do all three at the same time

But, even though that’s a problem for some, (gasp) elderly people, some of those SOB’s still mange to beat me to a freakin’ slot machine while using a walker, cane or scooter on top of that.

Now I’m not dissing older people, because, I DO fall into that category. So if any of you reading this blog today are ELDERLY, and you’re thinking of sending me hate mail, too freakin’ bad…….cause if I’M as old as you, and that gives me the right to bitch ya damn idiots. Have a damn joint and chill out for cripes sake!memory9

Well, actually I’m not bitching about elderly people, but I’m making a point today about the brains of elderly people, which are slow, except when it comes to beating me to a slot machine or sensing that it’s freebee gift Monday at any business establishment.

Now “I” wasn’t the one who determined that the brains of elderly people are “slow.” Nope, can’t pin that rap on me. It was Dr. Michael Ramscar of Tubingen University in Berlin, Germany.  Yep, the ol doc has conducted a study which concluded that the brains of older people work slower only because they have so much information to process, much like a full-up hard drive on your computer.

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Which basically means you young people won’t be able to remember s**t when you’re old

SEE…we’re not stoopid….we just have too much damn information stored up in our brains. In my case, it’s mostly useless information. As evidenced by these stupid blogs I write every day.

According to Dr. Frankenstein, oops…sorry, according to Dr. Ramscar, “The human brain works slower in old age but only because we have stored more information over time.”

For instance…..this old age common occurence at the MisfitWisdom household……

Ms. Misfit

Ms. Misfit

And yours truly……………

MMM

She didn’t buy the joke explanation

In comparing older people’s brain to computers they explained it this way:

“Computers were trained, like humans, to read a certain amount each day, and to learn new things. When the researchers let a computer “read” only so much, its performance on cognitive tests resembled that of a young adult. But if the same computer was exposed to the experiences we might encounter over a lifetime – with reading simulated over decades – its performance now looked like that of an older adult.”

Huh?

Hmmmm. I guess what that means is that computers can only handle so much information too if compared with what we old coots have to store in our tiny pea sized brains. So basically a computer would either be slow or crash if we fed it everything we have stored in our brains over a lifetime.

In my case, my brain is stored with millions of one liners that I can pull up in a second when the opportunity arises….like……………

And live to

Just to good a line to pass up

So, some elderly folks are a bit slow because they know too freakin’ much. Which is not a good thing if you are an elderly person who worked for the Mafia and know a lot of stuff. Because once the Godfadder reads this blog and realizes that you can still remember a lot of stuff, like where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is buried, and that you’re not a senile idiot after all, boy are you screwed.

Shut

The cat has not been seen since

So this report obviously is good news and bad news for elderly people.

The good news is that you can always refer to this report by Dr. Ramscar when some jerk makes fun of you for being slow on the uptake.

“Grandpa……you just put the cat in the microwave and you’re trying to get the meatloaf to eat “Kibbles N Bits!”

“Huh…or….sorreeee. But ya gotta cut me some slack here sonny. The meatloaf is 3 weeks old and has hair on it soooooo…..easy mistake.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right……it does kinda resemble the cat.”

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CHECK FOR THE CAT!!!!!!!

The bad news is, if you’re really a basket case when it comes to being elderly and can’t remember s**t, or are sitting in it, (blachhh) and you’re hard-drive no longer gets hard, or you can’t even remember what to do with it if it got hard, nothing in this report is gonna bail you out from being labeled reallllly old and decrepit.

mmm

My point exactly

(one more time….different scenario)

“Grandpa…..you just put the cat in the microwave and you’re trying to feed the meatloaf “Kibbles N Bits.”

“Huh….oh…..no problem sonny. I’ve done this on a number of occasions and the microwave really does a fine job of heating up the meatloaf. And I always like to give all my cats nibbles of it but I can’t seem to find any of them lately. Here kitty kitty kitty.”

So, in conclusion, it’s ok for most elderly people to be a bit slow with all of that information stored in their brains from decades of storing information most of which, as I said, is useless information but it gets stored in there anyhow. And it’s that useless information that slows our brains down. So you younger people just bear with any elderly person who appears to be a bit slow when you’re conversing with them.

They’re very easy to spot, say like in a park for instance…………memory7

A clear sign of an elderly person who is a bit slow can be evidenced while riding on a elevator.

Which is, if you are on a elevator with an elderly person and they are humming a tune. This is referred to as, “I have no freakin’ idea where I am syndrome so I’m gonna hum some stupid tune stuck in my brain since 1956 so that I won’t appear to be completely stupid and hopefully no one will talk to me.”

Hmmmm.

Maybe THAT’s the reason I have “Can’t Smile Without You” by Barry freakin’ Manilow stuck in my brain.

For those elderly elevator moments when I can’t remember s**t. OMG!!!!!!

And, finally, from my friend Charlie Is Australia:parking ticket

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to HAH! Proof….Old People Are Freakin’ Einsteins…..Um…well….not all of them.

  1. katydidknot says:

    Fortunately, I try to store as little information as possible, so my brain should have plenty of empty space for the foreseeable future.

    I’ve always been convinced that it’s not that older people’s brains go downhill all that much but that they’ve figured out that most things aren’t that important to remember.

    Who won the Oscars this year? Who cares? No one is going to give a crap about that in two days, so why waste valuable time and brainspace putting it into your long term memory?

    This is a good theory, and I hope I remember it.

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Some good points Katy. Just remember not to forget this blog link. : )

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

      ________________________________

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