If THIS is any indication of how Dorothy will look in NBC’s new mini series, “Emerald City” coming to your network Oz TV this year, then I’m in folks. Maybe.
Then again, being the demented sort of slug that I am, most likely it really won’t be too far off base from the original “Wizard of Oz” storyline. I mean, just how much can ya change things?
Tornado hits Kansas, Dorothy and stupid dog Toto get sucked into tornado, wind up meeting three weird characters, find their way to OZ, (not Australia) hook up with a bunch of really short looking strange people called “Munchkins,” (which is where Dunkin’ Donuts got their idea from) then discover that wizard guy is a fraud, then finds out some expensive Italian ruby red slippers work if ya click on them twice, then she winds up back home, and opens up a travel agency. So how much can they veer off of that story?
According to Maggie Furlong of “Yahoo TV,” (Yahoo has a TV? Go figure) she reports that NBC is planning a live musical event with “Peter Pan Live” coming in December, (12/4/2014) and then “Emerald City” that same month.
Do ya think perhaps the networks are running out of ideas for new shows so their scraping the bottom of the barrel. Or is it that this new generation of TV producers are just brain-dead from using smart phones and tablets to have any original ideas.
Ok, so what’s new and different from the original Oz? Considering Dorothy was around 18 when she went to Oz and most likely is either presently living in an assisted living facility or dead. And Toto, so freakin’ old he can’t even lift his leg to pee, has to wear diapers.
Well, here’s some of the ideas floating around at NBC.
Dorothy, in the new series, will be 85 and living in Encino, California when an earthquake sucks up the rest home she’s living in and she falls out the back door with her pet goldfish and winds up in Oz where she meets the Tin Man, who is now a spokesman for “Reynolds Aluminum,” and then meets the Scarecrow, who keeps using that one liner (see below) in his stand up comedy routine.
And finally hooks up with the Cowardly Lion, who finally gets a set of balls, and teaches self-defense courses at a local Karate school.
Um…well, that’s how I would have written it, but NBC has other ideas.
Like, according to the article, Dorothy will find herself at the center of an “epic and bloody battle.”
REALLY! Like with who? And just how bloody can things get in the Wizard of Oz?”
Um, ok….makes sense to me. Give the lion some courage and things could get epic and bloody.
So basically if you’re a child and haven’t seen the original Wizard of Oz and get to see the remake, you’ll be traumatized for life.
Hmmm. Maybe parents shouldn’t let their kids watch this 10 episode series lest their children wind up hating all things made out of tin, or even, (gasp) tin foil and never be able to purchase “Reynolds Wrap.”
Or go to a zoo and see a lion and get totally pissed off at it. Or even worse, never be able to see an “MGM” movie without getting flashbacks to all that epic bloody stuff by seeing “Leo the Lion,” the MGM mascot.
Or even worse, never be able to roll in the hay with anyone who resembles a Scarecrow. Or, if you’re into that stuff, an actual scarecrow.
Now a word of caution here with regard to NBC stating that this “Emerald City” miniseries will only be 10 episodes and then it ends. You know, like Dorothy knocks off the Wizard or something and gets those Munchkins jobs at the “Willie Wonka” chocolate factory owned by Johnny Depp. Then returns back home to California, writes a memoir on her experiences in OZ entitled, “50 Shades of OZ,” and eventually poses naked in “Playboy Magazine” along with Toto.
The warning is that if this series does not pull in the ratings, SHAZAM! down the ol cancellation tube. If you think I’m jesting, here’s a quote which appeared in my local newspaper this very morning by the AP with regard to CBS developing new programs as well with a tiny blurb about the “Fox Network.” It reads as follows, “the network is doing away with the traditional pilot season, when dozens of prospective new shows film test episodes and network executives decide in early May which will become series and which will be thrown out.”
SEE! They film pilots, advertise them on TV, suck you into watching them, (The Assets) then if not enough people watch them, down the garbage compacter……………..AFTER you’ve been hooked. Bastards.
As that old “ABBA” song so well defines the TV programming industry, it’s all about, “Money, Money, Money.” And you thought it was about entertaining you. WHAT! Are ya nucking futs!
Sooooo, with regard to watching “Emerald City” here’s my plan. Because I for one DO NOT wanna get sucked into watching a series again and then have it cancelled. Record “Emerald City” for the entire 10 episodes. BUT…DO NOT watch it until you have recorded all of the episodes. THEN if they cancel it along the way……you will not suffer any trauma from not knowing how it ended.
OR….you can just assume that this “Emerald City” mini-series will not be a hit, opt not to watch or record it at all, and send a letter to NBC telling them you’re too freakin’ smart to be sucked into watching it with no assurances that it will not be cancelled for lack of viewers.
Might wanna add a P.S. to that letter as well.
Like, “Go ahead and cancel it you damn idiots. But screw you…..I already know how it ends. I saw the original “Wizard of Freakin’ Oz”…..so THERE ya bastards!!!!
And I can get “Munchkins” any damn time I want at “Dunkin Donuts.”
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