Petitions: On Chickens and Crematoriums. WTF!


As highlighted in that song by Chuck Berry, “My Ding-A-Ling.”

I recently became aware of a chicken problem in a place called Baiadia, Australia, which is far far far far away from me, as well as a lot of other of my blog readers, but, not far from one of my followers who, although she simply adores chickens, thinks, along with a bunch of other concerned citizens, that a chicken facility located in this area is not such a good idea. For various reasons which you can read about by accessing the link below. If you’re into reading about chickens and stuff and why these people are concerned. You can also sign their petition at this same link.


But this got me to wondering about petitions. Some of which are really good, while others kind of boggle the mind. For instance, a petition in Colorado wants to ban crematoriums from, obviously cremating people. Why you ask? Because the petition claims the following:

“Google studies on Heavy metals produced by Crematoriums. This produces ADD in Children and adults. We all should be promoting Ecological Funerals in biodegradable caskets and planting natural shrubs and trees above the deceased who returns to the Earth Mother with a natural gift to make this world more livable and sustainable.”

Now personally I’ve always said that I wish to be burned to a crispy critter and have my ashes placed in an envelope and mailed to the IRS. Only because of the many years they’ve sucked me dry through all of the taxes they levy on me and other people. However, considering they would panic getting an envelope full of ashes and think it was some sort of terrorist plot, I decided to just send them a picture of my ashes accompanied by a photo of me flipping them the bird.


Which is why I always carry a can of “Raid” with me when I’m being audited

But, I’m kinda concerned that a petition started by some people in Colorado may inspire other people in other states to do the same. I always thought being cremated was a really good way of disposing of your cold dead body. Not to mention the bucks ya save by eliminating all those expenses related to funerals.

Well, um, actually “YOU” would not be saving those bucks, but your survivors will. Like on a casket, all the funeral home expenses, travel expenses, (to and from) like from your house to the funeral parlor, and then to the church and then to the cemetery. And ya can’t opt for a taxi either.

Me, I wanna go from my house directly to the crematorium. Kinda like cutting out all those middle men if ya catch my drift here. HEY! When you’re dead you’re freakin’ dead. Why the hell continue to do all of that unnecessary travelling. Why do ya think they call it, “Rest In Peace.” Because you can finally rest without being disturbed.


There goes my other half’s idea for a neat conversation piece in the living room

Now that petition claims that heavy metals are produced by crematoriums. Well I don’t have any heavy metals in me or on me. So there! Maybe a guy like “Mr. T” with all of that expensive jewelry, but not me.

I’ve got no problem with biodegradable caskets. Damn, if they’d let me use some of the cardboard boxes I’ve got stored in my basement, I’d go with that. More bucks saved.

As far as planting natural shrubs and trees on top of me in what that petition claims would be an “Ecological Funeral,” I guess that’s fine if you wanted to planted in the ground as well. As they said, “a natural gift to make this world more livable and sustainable.”

Yeah, if that’s so great for the ecology why in the hell can’t my other half just dig a hole and plant my body in my backyard along with all those natural shrubs and trees? Makes sense to me.



But, as I said, I’m still opting for the old barbecue route. I won’t be taking up any valuable space as a lot of cemeteries do, which presently prevents developers from creating more parking spaces for those of us still living. Gawd knows you can never find a good parking space. Except in a cemetery. But then it’s always 2 miles to the nearest shopping center.


And a Wal-Mart

And how clean is being cremated in comparison to dumping your cold butt into a box and dropped into a six-foot hole and then covered with messy dirt and then a big rock dropped on top of you with your name on it. WTF is with that!

Then there’s the disgusting bug factor. Ever wonder why all of the insects you come across in a cemetery are so fat? Because they’re munching on you! Blacccch!

Nope, just cremate me and do whatever with my ashes. Like I’m really gonna bitch if my other half makes a potted plant outta me or something. Or mixes me in with the kitty litter. Hey Colorado petition signers, put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

Which I suppose is yet another option in dealing with where to put ones ashes.


Why women outlive men

Soooo, if you’re into this biodegradable stuff, or chicken petitions, which actually is a good petition, you might want to check out the “care2 petitions site” for a gazillion other petitions that you can spend your day signing for a number of causes. And there are hundreds on that site.

But I’d give some serious thought to signing that crematorium petition in Colorado.


Think about it seriously punk!

In fact, you might wanna start your own petition on that “Care2” site. A petition to stop silly petitions about stopping cremations. And while you’re at it, a petition promoting biodegradable burials by allowing your butt to be planted in your backyard thereby saving the environment and helping trees and shrubs to thrive as you biodegrade into the ground.

Not to mention all those critters living underground. Like earth worms who till the soil. Which then gives you a greener grass. Which then makes your property look really great. Which then means you save money on lawn care products. And all of which will attract a wonderful array of birds and bees which will contribute to the growth of everything from flowers to trees. And all this from having your cold dead body planted in your backyard.

And I have my suspicions that out there in Colorado they might be pushing the old recycling envelope just a bit over the line……………ya never know what some idiot will think of recycling next…………….



Hmmmm. On second thought, I think I’ll just go with the cremation thing and have my other half spread my ashes out all over the backyard if I should suddenly buy the farm in the throes of sex whilst wearing a condom.

Just doing my part to help the environment.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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