How The Hell Did I Miss Out On “No Pants” Day!

Ya know, being a short person, just slightly above the “dwarf” stage, (5’4″) I have suffered my entire life with trying to get pants that fit me. They just do not make clothes for short people like me. Yep, they have”big and tall” stores, “fat and plump” stores, even stores for nudists, although I think the clothing selection there is very sparse.

And if I buy a pair of jeans, by the time I take them to a tailor to have them altered, it costs me twice as much as I originally paid for the jeans. The only good part to that is with the leftover material I have the tailor make me two pairs of Levi’s underwear.


And you thought I was kidding…..

BUT… I find out that one day a year people in Australia, Beijing and Hong Kong go out pantless and ride the subways in what has been dubbed the 13th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” which took place this past Sunday.

WTF! Why didn’t I know about this? Cripes, I would have flown to Australia or Hong Kong just to ride the subway without any pants on. Just to protest the fact that it costs me a fortune to have my pants altered.

That, and my desire to once again use that line, “Is that a kangaroo, if I went to Australia, or in Bejing, “chopsticks,” in yer pants or are ya just happy to see me.”


As the “Big Bopper” would say, “Hellooooooooo Baybeeeee!”

The idea behind this “no pants” thing is simple. Get on a subway with no pants, (duh) and shock the hell outta people as well as get a few laughs. Unfortunately rules state that you must wear underpants when riding the subways with no pants. Damn!

Only because it would be fun to be riding on a subway with no pants or underpants on and see just how many people mistake your doo dad for one of those support poles with which to hold on to. This applies to men only.

“Pardon me ma’am, we’re about to come into one of those really curvy sections of track on this subway ride so if ya wanna hold on to somethin’ may I be of assistance…heh heh.”


And for those “Kodak” moments…

Now if you do participate in this annual event, say like next year, you can bring an array of props with you if perhaps you are a bit shy. Then again, why the hell would you want to get on a subway with no pants on if you’re a shy type person.

Anyhow, you can bring shopping bags, a briefcase, or pretend to be reading a newspaper, a book, or just bring along a sewing kit. Um….jussssst be a bit careful with that needle lady.


Heh, heh, heh,…wanna see what I’m wearin’ under my overcoat honey?



Organizers of this event told participants that, “If questioned, you do not know any of the other pant-less riders. (plead the 5th) Tell folks that you forgot to wear pants.”

“Oops, geez….now how in the hell did I forget to wear my pants today? Damn! Oh well, anybody for a quick game of grab ass?”

In Hong Kong 40 people, including Australian Bess Hepworth and her 18 year-old son, joined in the “no pants” fun saying, “It’s the first time he will be publicly taking off his pants, although he does it regularly.” She was of course referring to her son and not her husband. I think.


Good point…..

22 year-old Huang Li, wearing blue underwear decorated with dots said, “I want to show that, (Chinese people) are internationalized now. People say I’m a psycho.”

WHAT! They call her a psycho because she gets on a subway with no pants on except for her underpants and they call her a freakin’ psycho? What’s wrong with those people. Have they no sense of fashion trends? Why the hell do ya think they put designs on underpants for if no one can see them.

YEAH! Why the hell bother to go to a store and find a neat pair of underpants with some really beautiful designs if you’re going to cover them up with a pair of jeans or something. Doesn’t make sense to me. If I’m gonna spend big bucks on designer underwear I sure as hell want to show them off. AND….why the hell would “Hanes” or “Fruit of the Freakin’ Loom” put their names on underwear for advertising purposes if no one can see them?


My point exactly…..

For instance, if you’re not gonna wear pants on “no pants day” might as well throw some cute one liners in there. like…..


Just wait till we get off the subway….

And, with regard to riding the subway with no pants and possibly offering yourself up to anyone who needs a pole to hang on to, as I mentioned  earlier…….


Bad curve comin’ up ma’am….why don’t you hold onto Pinocchio  here……

So damn, I missed out on this event this year. I’m really pissed off now. And I had some really neat underwear that I could have worn. Like my favorite one I always wear around the house.


Eat your heart out Anthony Weiner

Ok ladies….I know they’re really hot looking, so try to control yourselves. Maybe you’ll catch me next year on “no pants” subway day.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to How The Hell Did I Miss Out On “No Pants” Day!

  1. Damyanti says:

    rotfl I remember this day from some of my friends’ FB updates last year!

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