See this guy and his wife pictured above……..they’re not only convicted spys who’s are behind bars for the rest of their lives, um….er……oops……sorry…..wrong picture.
Um, let’s start over.
See this guy who’s pictured below. He’s not only a convicted spy who is behind bars for the rest of his life, but he’s screwed up my television programming. Which is worse than spying as far as I’m concerned. Next to football which also screws up my television viewing.
Aldrich Ames is responsible for screwing up my life. YES! This damn spy not only did those despicable things that spies do, like spying, kinda like the NSA, but they spy on us and not for other governments, while Aldrich spied for the Russians back in the 80’s, but now he’s gone and ruined my life.
Well, at least my life when it comes to watching TV.
So how is my life screwed up? Well it’s like this. As you know I absolutely hate reality shows. And, as I’ve always said, I have enough freakin’ reality going on in my life so why in the hell would I want to watch anyone elses reality when I can’t even handle my own reality.
So, with that in mind I generally opt to watch movies, crime dramas like “CSI,” “Criminal Minds,” “Hawaii 5-0,” “Elementary,” “Blue Bloods,” “Castle,” “Person of Interest,” and Governor Chris Christie.
The latter bordering on an actual reality show, has lots of drama in it, and on occasion the possibility of the Governor flipping the bird to someone, which is always entertaining.
Anyhow, I just got into watching that new show on ABC, “The Assets,” (not about some model with big boobs) although I thought it was about some model with big boobs and tuned in to discover that it was about that spy Aldrich Ames. So I figured as long as I was tuned in I might as well see what it was all about. I love a good spy verses spy TV show.
And, being the patriotic person that I am, I’m always keeping a close eye on my neighbors jusssst in case they’re spys. Ya never know.
For those of you too young to remember Aldrich Ames, as I said earlier, he was a spy for Russia while in the employ of the CIA. And ABC scheduled an 8 week miniseries about Ames which encompassed his spying for Russia and, I assume, his eventual discovery as a spy. Which we will never know the full story because the show was just cancelled by ABC for……yes folks….for lack of $$$$$$$$.
Meaning that because “The Assets” lacked in “assets,” meaning viewers, and only got a 0.6 rating among adults between the ages of 18-49, it got the ol hook.
WTF is wrong with you 18 to 49 year olds? Don’t you give a rats ass about spies and spying for cripes sake?
Oh….wait! Yeah, much more intellectual programming on TV like “Honey Freakin’ Boo Boo.” Hold on, another one’s comin’ down to ol pike for you brainiacs too. “The Goldbergs.” Oh joy.
So basically this is what I’ve been trying to tell you people all along for eons. NEVER……..EVER…….buy into any network that says they have this hot new TV series that will last only eight weeks and then get you hooked on it, and then, SHAZAM! cancel it before you find out how the f**k it ends.
Not that I don’t know how it ends. Spy spies. Spy gets caught. Spy goes to jail. The end.
But it’s not just that. I having an inquiring mind, and want to know the inside story on all that spy stuff. Yeah….I wanna know why he spied, why he was a Russian ratfink, and the mechanics of how he got caught.
Does ABC care? Of course not. No money to be made because of low ratings……screw those viewers. Cancel the show and replace it with “Shark Tank” reruns. Gawd, I’m sooooo excited about THAT I could climax in my freakin’ pants.
The bottom line is money. Networks don’t care if you’re into watching a show that has a continuing story line and you faithfully watch it every week unless six hundred gazillion other people are watching it too. Well, um, not necessarily watching the show, but the commercials. Because if only a smidgen of people are watching the show, (0.6) then sponsors panic and go into a wild frenzy and will pull their ads and place them somewhere else.
Like on reality shows, because the people who basically watch other people’s lives don’t have lives of their own, need to see what having a life is really like, and will obviously go out and buy those advertisers products to keep up with whatever it is reality show people on reality shows buy.
My guess would be toilet paper for all the crap that’s dished out on those shows. And some serious drugs because other people are watching how f**ked up their reality lives are. Just a guess.
So, I’m NEVER, EVER gonna get sucked into ANY mini series that ANY network EVER promotes EVER AGAIN.
I’m still agonizing over the cancellation of the TV series “V”. Who TF knows what happened there!!! Aliens ate everybody and went home? And “Without A Trace.” WHAT…..it just disappeared without a trace?
How about others that I got sucked into watching that weren’t even series and they cancelled them. “Body of Proof.” Yeah…..just when I was getting into proving that actress Dana Delaney sure as hell had a body that was 100 proof. Bastards.
“Fringe.” Got sucked into watching that one too. And my suspicion is that the cast and crew got sucked into some vortex between time dimensions where they don’t have any TV commercials so the show got axed.
“Vegas” was another one. WTF! All you damn casino gamblers out there couldn’t watch this show and give it good ratings? Now I’ll never know if Michael Chiklis was really Donald Trump in disguise.
“CSI New York,” another one of my favorites…gone! WHAT! No more crime going on that requires a CSI team in New York anymore? Um….I personally think they cancelled this one because Gary Sinise went back to work for Forest Gump on that shrimp boat.
Some of those I just mentioned were not series, but they did have a continuing story line. I mean, how would you feel if a story started out, “Once upon a time,” and then it was cancelled. Just think of all the fairy tales we’d all be left hanging with and no ending.
“So Sleeping Beauty slept for a verrry long time until the somewhat handsome Prince, (reality there) leaned over, caressed her hair, kissed her, and suddenly Snow White in a moment of uncontrollable passion grabs his……………………….”
Oops….show cancelled…………… and the Prince was just getting into it.
Screw you ABC and the alphabet you were named after.
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