I Think I’m Allergic To Doctors Who Give You Allergy Tests.

mmm

Um…what about the leeches Sally?

Ok…so you have allergies. For the most part you live with it. Unless, like myself, you go to a doctor to get a prescription for something to give you some sort of relief and the doc says, “Hey, as long as you’re here, why not we check you for what you’re allergic to.”

mmm

And marriage…..

“But doc.” I says. “I came here because my eyes are falling outta my head and I wanna know if you have some glue or something to hold them in.”

“Yes Mr. Misfit, I understand your problem, but first we have to determine why your eyeballs are falling out of your head. Do you like spend a lot of time on your computer writing useless stuff?”

“Um, yeah, but I have computer glasses that help me with that.”

“Hmmmm. Do you on occasion, when you’re bored, surf porno sites?”

mmmm

Because she bitches when I go to porno sites

“PORNO SITES! Cripes no. Um…WAIT…..um….sometimes when I search the Internet for cartoons an occasional nude picture appears within those cartoons, and, um, out of curiosity I do look at them.”

“AH HA! And when you look at them do you click on the image to make it appear in full screen mode so that you can see it better?”

“Um…well, sometimes, but only because I wanna see why they snuck in a porno photo with the cartoons and….”

“THERE! See….you’re straining your eyeballs observing that porno stuff. And by doing that your eyeballs are going to eventually swell up and fall out right onto your keyboard.”

mmm

Shoulda had a shot of Jack Daniels

“Look doc, I’m sure everybody stares at photos of naked women on the Internet. And yeah, maybe my eyeballs are getting strained, BUT, what the hell has that got to do with my runny eyes and nose and constant sneezing?”

“Hmmm. Well, although I think you ave a porno addiction, we’ll have to send you to the allergy testing department to determine if you DO have allergies, or if you’re just a damn freakin’ pervert.”

mmmm

My cats suffer from allergies too….to humans

Sooooo. Off to the allergy testing department I go. And on that particular day, of course, no allergy problems. Which is always the way it works when you go to any doctor.

Now if you’ve never had an allergist test you for allergies, let me clue you in. If you were feeling pretty good when you went in, you’ll feel 100 times worse when ya leave.

Why? Because the test involves the allergist sticking your arms with about 30 to 40 needles which contain various things that may cause your allergies but that you’ve only not heard of in your lifetime, but would also never come in contact with.

mmm

Ouch, ouch, ouch….!  “Um, Mr. Misfit, these are only drops of allergens. We haven’t even stuck you with a needle yet.”

“Well Mr. Misfit, we’ve now finished sticking 40 needles into your arms and I see by the test results that you are allergic to the African Tsetse Fly, Kangaroos, Panda bears, giant Anaconda snakes, rats asses, Gazelles, marriage and the IRS. Oh yeah, along with dust mites, Oak trees and cats.”

“WHAT! Besides dust mites, Oak trees and cats I don’t go anywhere near those other things. So WTF is with that!!!!”

mmm

Got any Calico?

“Well, simple, do you surf the Internet?”

“Um yeah.”

“And do you on occasion come across porno sites with naked photos of women?”

“Um yeah..but….”

“AH HA! There’s your problem. You’re straining your eyeballs to look at those porno sites and because you come close to the computer screen which feature those naked women, who by the way always wear exotic perfume extracted from the African Testse fly, kangaroos, panda bears, giant Anaconda snakes, rats asses and gazelles, you’re inhaling things that you are allergic to. Very simple deduction.”

mmm

It’s a vicious allergy circle. I’m allergic to cat dander. My cats are allergic to me. And my rats ass is allergic to the cats.

“But doc, they’re on computer screens. How can I be allergic to animals on computer screens?”

“Well, very simple. You have cats. You have Oak trees in your yard. You have dust mites all over the place and you’ve been married twice, and you use a rats ass in your blog header. All the main ingredients for some serious allergies. BUT…they are not triggered until you go to one of those porno sites, get all excited by what you’re seeing, and then, SHAZAM, you have an allergy attack.”

“Um, so you think that because I spend so much time on my computer and I look at an occasional naked woman while surfing for cartoons that it may be causing my eyeballs to fall out and that contributes to my allergies?”

“YES….YES….by gawd now you’ve got it. It’s as simple as that!”

“So what should I do to control all these allergic reactions?”

“Well, we here at the “Stickim and Fixim” allergy clinic suggest the following: Stay away from all those exotic animals for one. Do not allow any dust mites to come into your house. Never get married again, just mess around with a bimbo or two but never take her home. Avoid eye contact with any naked women on porno sites. And, because you have cats, encase them all in Saran wrap or tin foil so as not to inhale cat dander.”

mmmm

ACHOO!!! Damn freakin’ rat blog header.

“Geez….thanks doc. So I’ll be allergy free and my eyeballs won’t fall out anymore if I follow your advice?”

“That’s correct. And one more important thing. We’ve injected you with those 40 needles containing all kinds of really weird stuff that no normal person EVER comes in contact with in their lifetime, so if you tend to have some reactions to them within the next 24 hours, don’t panic…..they’ll eventually wear off.”

“Like what kind of reactions doc?”

“Like maybe your eyeballs falling out. Oh yeah, and don’t drink anything for 24 hours either. We DID stick you with a lot of needles ya know and those holes in your body take some time to close up.”allerg13

(sigh)

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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