I’m tellin’ ya folks, the people at “Yahoo News” must have a lot of time on their hands to send out reporter Chris Nichols to investigate a story about some scientists who researched why dogs spin in circles when they poop.
Like, was this a really burning question that the editors at Yahoo felt needed an answer to?
Apparently so. Why just yesterday I said to my other half, “Lets hear it for the cat,” when I saw some guy walking his dog in 6 inches of wet snow and the dog was spinning around in circles looking for the perfect spot to squat and poop while his owner had icicles dripping from his nose in the 10 degree weather.
So, me being the curious type, I figured I’d pass this crucial information on to you dog owners so that you have the “poop” on why dogs spin in circles when they do their business.
Besides, I kinda felt sorry for Chris having to write this story and then explaining to her husband and kids how important her assignment was on that day.
“Sooooo dear, what cutting edge reporting did you work on today?”
“Um….er…..oops….sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.”
According to Chris, who I’m sure followed scientists around as they followed numerous dogs around, as well as possibly conducting extensive interviews with various dogs while they were pooping, here’s what she has come up with.
It seems that dogs have a keen sensitivity to the Earth’s magnetic field and when they poop they are attempting to align their butts up to that magnetic field so as to perfectly experience the perfect poop.
Quoting Yahoo: “Dogs preferred to excrete, (poop) with the body being aligned along the north-south axis under clam MF (magnetic field) conditions.” This is according to the findings by dog poop experts in the Czech Republic and Germany, who apparently also have waaaay too much time on their hands.
Sooooo, how exactly do ya test out this dog pooping magnetic field theory. Besides following a bunch of dogs around with a compass in your pocket.
To test their theory, scientists, (and you thought Dr. Frankenstein was one weird dude) had 70 dogs from 37 breeds and they observed them over a two-year span. The orientation of the dogs during defecation (pooping) was cataloged 1,893 times and during urination, (peeing) 5,582 times.
Which means to me, that dogs pee more than they poop. Don’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
The report said the planet’s magnetic field is “calm” for only about 20 percent of the time during the daytime. Which I guess means you should take your dog out to poop at night. My guess anyhow.
Furthermore, and forsooth, in the case of dogs, the researchers contented that they weren’t affected by human voice commands or facial expressions as might be the risk with other studies.
In other words, “Comon’ Fido, will ya take a damn crap NOW for gawds sake. It’s freakin’ 10 degrees out here and I’m freezin’ my butt off.” Which obviously dogs just ignore.
Now if you think I’m nuts, just look at this explanation those scientists gave to Chris during that interview:
“This is certainly not a confounder in our study because the dogs do not have to fulfill a certain task, but perform everyday routine behavior. The study was truly blind. Although the observers were acquainted with our previous studies on magnetic alignment in animals and could have consciously or unconsciously biased the results, no one, not even the coordinators of the study, hypothesized that expression of alignment could have been affected by the geomagnetic situation, and particularly by such subtle changes of the magnetic declination.”
WTF! We’re talkin’ about freakin’ dogs pooping here guys. Do ya think you could have put it in more of a less gobbledygook way.
Like, “Dogs poop because they have to poop and who the f**k knows why they go in circles before they poop, so to justify our inane study we’re issuing this confusing explanation that only Einstein himself will understand.” Because, I sure as hell couldn’t figure all that out.
To confuse matters even more those scientists, said, “Our analysis of the raw data indicates that dogs not only prefer a north-south direction, but at the same time they also avoid east-west direction.”
Which, to me, basically means that when you take Rover out to poop better take a damn compass with you and then align his butt up with the north-south direction. Providing, of course, that the vernal equinox and the planets of Mars and Mercury along with Uranus, (the dogs) are in the exact position. Might wanna check out your dog’s daily horoscope first before going out.
Once again, lets hear it for the cat. They don’t give a rats ass, or a dogs, what damn direction they poop in as long as their litter box is clean. AND…..I don’t have to stand out in the freezing cold to watch a cat poop. Although on occasion I do watch my cats poop only because I think it’s pretty neat how they cover it up afterwards. Um, but I do have one cat that refuses to poop if I’m watching it. Vanity issue I guess.
Presently these same scientists are also studying other animals such as birds and cows to determine if they too have a behavior related to that magnetic field. Again, how they exactly do that is beyond me. Maybe standing in a field with a magnet near a cows butt or something.
“Yah, look Professor Zinkenberg, da cow iss pooping on der magnet!”
When it comes to determining if birds are also affected by that magnetic field, that might be a bit difficult considering birds usually poop in flight. As evidenced by the number of times I’ve had to clean bird poop off of my truck windshield.
Which, and I’m no scientist, leads me to conclude that birds might be prone to pooping by an attraction to Dodge Hemi engines. Or red pickups.
Or, they just have to poop and don’t give a rats ass about magnetic fields. My conclusion anyhow.
Dogs aren’t stupid ya know. If they have to poop, they have to poop. Who needs a scientist to figure that out?
As far as that research on dogs goes. As Arte Johnson used to say on “Laugh In,” “Verrrrrry interesting…..but sthupid.”
And you wonder why scientists haven’t discovered a cure for some major diseases yet.
Yep, too busy with their noses up dogs butts trying to figure out why they spin in circles before they poop.
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