Phil Robertson Continues To Give Ducks A Bad Name


Yet another use for Duck tape

Ok, the first comments made by “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson I kinda let slide. I figure that any guy who is friendly with ducks can’t be that bad of a guy. Besides, I think he was quoting from the Bible or something, and, not being an expert on what the Bible has to say, I just figured leave well enough alone and let all those other big mouths have their say.

And, for the most part, even the “Aflac” duck seemed to agree with me. And you know how much respect I have for the Aflac duck. Even though of late he seems to be associating with some seedy underworld figures.


The SOB called the “Aflac” duck a mafia stooge

BUT, as it goes here in the world of cyberspace where whatever you say will live on for eons, another video has surfaced where Robertson made yet another inane comment in 2009 to a crowd at a Georgia Sportsmen Ministry event where he suggested that men should marry girls as young as 15 or 16.

His well-chosen words of advice to that crowd regarding teenage marriage: “Look, you wait til they get to be 20 years-old the only picking that’s going to take place is in your pocket. You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16. They’ll pick your ducks. You need to check with mom and dad about that, of course.”

I’m not quite sure I get the meaning of that other than you should marry 15 or 16-year-old girls. Where the part about them picking ducks out for you is beyond me. Maybe he means that once they’re 20 years-old, they get tired of picking ducks and rather pick pockets. My guess anyhow.


What led A&E to suspending Phil

Hmmm. Maybe more comments that he said might clear this up for me.

“Make sure that she can cook a meal. You need to eat some meals that she cooks, check that out. Make sure she carries her Bible. That’ll save you a lot of trouble down the road. And if she picks your ducks, now, that’s a woman.”

WTF is it with all this picking ducks stuff? Does the Bible say that if you marry a 15 or 16-year-old girl thouist will have an abundance of ducks with which to cookith and thereby, providing she can cookith thy some ducks, then by far thou hath a really good woman?”

What The Duck!!!


Hmmmm… about duck.

Oh Gawd Phil….where…..where did I go wrong. Two failed marriages under my belt and all I had to do was snag a 15 or 16 year-old girl who could have picked out some really good ducks for me and I might not have failed.

AND….considering that “A&E” (the Arts, Duck and Entertainment channel) has reinstated Phil after his last remarks regarding homosexuals, I must be doing something wrong.

Soooo, how did A&E come to the conclusion that Robertson should be reinstated.

“Duck Dynasty” is not a show about one man’s views. It resonates with a large audience, (ducks included I guess) because it is a show about family…a family that America has come to love. As you might have seen in many episodes, they come together to reflect and pray for unity, tolerance and forgiveness. These are three values that we at A&E Networks also feel strongly about.

As well as the welfare of ducks and any 15 or 16-year-old girl who can demonstrate that she’s really a woman who can pick out ducks for you. Now that’s a woman. So to quote Phil.


Like “A & E” says… values.

Seems to me that in most states that if you take up with a 15 or 16-year-old girl the Gestapo is gonna clamp down on your butt in a Hannah Montana minute and slam your ass in the slammer. Either that or I’ve been watching way too many “Law and Order Special Victim’s Unit” episodes and Detective Elliott Stabler and his partner Sgt. Olivia Benson need to free anybody they’ve arrested for having sex with a minor.

Um, is that where that “heinous” word comes in at the beginning of each show?


Holy crap!

Then again, Robertson was talking to a group in Georgia and I have no idea what the rules are there. Who knows, maybe its legal to get married at 15 or 16 or have sexual relations with someone under 18. Maybe even marry a duck for cripes sake.

HEY! Cut me some slack here, I’m from New England. Yeah, we’re a bunch of people who descended from those damn puritans that got off that Mayflower boat and laid down a bunch of stupid laws, one of which, I think, was, “Don’t step on that big rock.” Then asked for some volunteers to go to Salem, Massachusetts to burn witches. But, I didn’t see any note of what the age of consent to marry was in those days.duck6

If it was 15 or 16, and there were plenty of ducks around back then, Phil may have a valid point. We all know turkeys were in abundance, (Thanksgiving) so makes sense to me that there might have been a lot of ducks around as well. Perhaps Phil left out that part and should have said, “”You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16 if they’re Pilgrims from Massachusetts and know how to snag a duck. Now that’s a woman.”

Unless of course, realistically, some 15 or 16-year-old girls immigrated to the area where Phil resides because of his families duck calling gizmo business and state law says that it’s ok to marry a 15 or 16-year-old girl as long as she has experience snagging ducks…..and promises not to pick your pocket.

This is all soooo confusing. Wish I knew more about ducks and stuff. Damn, I should have paid more attention in history class in school. AND….had I known that the Bible had some sort of passage in it about ducks and marrying 15 or 16-year-old girls, damn, I would have been all ears.


Was this covered in the Bible too? Geez…..I did miss out on a lot of stuff.

Considering Phil is 67 years old and I’m a tad older than him, would either of us get our butts thrown in the hoosegow if we want to marry a 15 or 16-year-old girl?

On second thought, maybe Phil might want that option but not me.

I can hardly keep up with 30 or 40-year-old woman, never mind getting down on my knees to play a game of “Jacks” with my 15 or 16-year-old wife and her duck.

Just sayin.’ (quack!)


Um….try Animal Planet

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to Phil Robertson Continues To Give Ducks A Bad Name

  1. katydidknot says:

    I have never seen this show and I am having a hard time getting mad about anything this guy says.

    The “marry’em young” thing is a little creepy, especially considering who is saying it.

    Myself, I don’t have much in common with 15 year old girls. Of course, I also am not in need of anyone to pick my ducks, so these things are all relative.

    (And when I say these things “are all relative,”it’s not a reference to other marriage trends in the Duck Dynasty end of the country…)

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