It’s not easy for me to come out of the closet. But, after years of denial, I’m admitting I’m addicted to ABBA. YES! ABBA! That Swedish group from the 70’s.
I only admitted it to a few close friends who really understood my addiction. Yes, I know that they secretly laughed at me when they learned I was into ABBA music, but I didn’t care. I needed my daily fix of ABBA.
ABBA songs. ABBA videos. And…YES…(sob) even ABBA cartoons:
Then…(sob)….then the group disbanded and there were no more new ABBA songs. OMG! What the hell was I gonna do? I became depressed and went to ABBA withdrawal sessions. It took years, years I tell ya to get over my addiction.
And those counseling sessions..OMG….the pain! Recounting my nights of driving a taxi and constantly playing “Angel Eyes” by ABBA just to get that rush and make me drive faster. Then following it by “Honey Honey” and “Mamma Mia.”
Several times during my counseling sessions they had to slowly ween me off of ABBA music by subjecting me to rap music. But, alas, it didn’t work. One time they locked me in a room and piped in Bobby McFerrin’s, “Don’t Worry Be Happy” for 3 hours. But, I DID worry and I wasn’t happy in the end. I wanted my ABBA music back.
FINALLY after several months of intense therapy, and some really neat Lady Ga Ga videos, I got over my addiction. Although I’m now addicted and lusting after Lady Ga Ga.
So that was back in the 70’s.
Here it is some 40 years later since ABBA came onto the music scene (1974) and I’m completely cured. Except for that one time back in 1999 when evil forces got together and produced the Broadway musical “Mamma Mia.” Damn you Meryl Streep!
Fortunately it was a stage show and I wasn’t subjected to constant ABBA music on the radio.
Yes…I’m over my ABBA obsession! Or so I thought.
It all happened one morning when I opened my new issue of “TIME” magazine and began reading an article by Lisa Abend entitled, “Building A Better Pop Song. How Sweden Re-engineered The Worlds Music.”
Instantly, with just the mention of the word “Sweden” I began to feel the pulsation of ABBA music tremors entering my brain. OMG! It’s happening all over again! THEN….then….they go and mention ABBA in that article. OMFG! I’m starting to feel the urge to listen to ABBA music again. Helllllp! Someone Helllllp!
On top of that there are new Swedish groups in on this diabolical plot to make me become addicted all over again. Swedish groups like “Icona Pop” and their ABBA type happy happy infectious beat type sound in, “”I Don’t Care,” and “We Got The World.”
I can see where this is all going. Months of ABBA therapy down the drain. 40 years of being ABBA free and now I’m back off the wagon. OMG! Sure….thanks Sweden. Thanks for nothing.
Now look what the hell you’ve gone and done. Millions of other ABBA addicts are gonna be addicted once again thanks to your lack of compassion for us ABBA addicts. And just so you can promote Sweden all over again. Isn’t it enough we import Swiss cheese!
Damn! Isn’t it enough you Swiss never get involved in any world conflicts…up until now that is. YES…..you’re gonna pay the price for making me and millions of ABBA reformed addicts become addicted to ABBA music all over again.
I for one am going to boycott Swiss cheese. And ya know that scene in “The Sound of Music” where they make it to the top of that mountain and head for Switzerland….do ya….well I’m deleting it from my DVD’s. And all that Swiss chocolate ya make……well screw you……I’m going to find another country that makes chocolates. So there!
Um……well maybe I’ve been a bit rash here. Maybe not the chocolates. Um, ok….maybe not the cheese either. Um….aw screw it….I’m addicted all over again. Damn you Sweden!
(digging out my ABBA CDs)
Gawd! I gotta hear “Angel Eyes” just one more time. Um, maybe “Mamma Mia” and “Honey Honey”, too. Well, maybe just a tad of “Does Your Mother Know.”
OMG! I’m addicted all over again. Aghhhhhhh!!!!
“It’s my ‘Waterloo” happening again.
What on earth will “I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do?”………”Mamma Mia!!!!!!!!”
Damn you Sweden. I’d smash my Swiss watch but it cost me way too much and it’s specially made with a photo of ABBA on the dial and when it gets to each hour it plays “Chiquita.”
Only because I’m not just addicted to ABBA once again, but I absolutely love Chiquita bananas.
I think I need help. “S.O.S!”………………..”S.O.S!”………………..”S.O.S!”
Sniff……thanks ABBA…..thank you for the music………http://youtu.be/0dcbw4IEY5w
“Hello…..this is Misfit, um, can I talk to Dr. Frosnick in the ABBA addiction clinic.”
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