Never Trust A Squirrel. A Live One or A Ceramic One.

Breaking News:

Breaking News

I usually like to center on current events topics that are of a cutting edge nature that affect all of us with a bit of humor thrown in. Just so that I can make my point without being too serious. So, that said, I spend my mornings scouring the Internet just to see what’s making the news on any given day.

Some days it’s very easy to find an idiot or two by just looking at what Congress is doing. Other days it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Fortunately there

Fortunately there are options available

For instance, here’s some not so main stream news items I came across today that caught my eye.

Like the fact the U.S. government is gonna spend $60 million dollars to repair the Capitol dome. No, not some bald-headed guy who is a doorman at the Capitol, but the dome itself. Yep….60 million dollars. Meanwhile, extended unemployment benefits for millions of Americans amounting to $19 million dollars was not extended. What’s wrong with this picture?

MMMM

Loosely translated: GFY

What’s wrong with this picture is that Congress obviously does not have a working digital camera that would allow them to actually take a picture of those millions of Americans who are out of work through no fault of their own and will be unable to survive without those extended benefits. BUT….who will at least be able to take some comfort in knowing that the Capitol dome will survive for another 100 years. Unlike those unemployed Americans who wills starve in 2 weeks time. Go figure.

Then there’s a 44-year-old woman in North Charleston, South Carolina who is giving squirrels a bad name. She sent out a guy to get her some beer at a local store and when he returned empty-handed she grabbed a ceramic squirrel and beat the bejesus outta the guy. As if that wasn’t enough, she also stabbed him.

That

That bitch comes near me again and I’m ready for her

Ok, ya wanna get all pissed off over not having your beer….fine. But don’t use a ceramic squirrel to beat the crap outta that guy. The next thing ya know the headline on the web reads, “Woman Beats Man With Ceramic Squirrel,” and then sales on ceramic squirrels will be dropping because it will be considered a dangerous weapon. Cripes, it’s bad enough rolling pins sales have dropped off.

You’ve all heard by now that A&E has decided to reinstate Phil Robertson, the star of “Duck Dynasty” after suspending him for some remarks he made about gays and stuff. This of course after many people threatened to boycott A&E.

Just

Just freakin’ shoot me now Phil

If you ever wondered if MONEY influences network programming, and perhaps the loss of MONEY, need I say more. And all this time you thought networks were simply showing you these wonderful programs just for your entertainment. HAH! Lose money…..reinstate Robertson. OR…..no revenue coming in from a show……cancel it.

Anybody know what the conclusion of that TV show “V” was? Oops…..I forgot…it was cancelled. Geez….wonder why?

Ok…..the aliens ate everybody and the world ended. Good enough for ya?

Another thing that caught my bloodshot eyeballs was a list of the worst toys of 2013. And there were a few of them that were kind of idiotic. But the one that caught my eye, after I put Visine in it, was a toy replica of an AK47 assault rifle. OH JOY! Just what we should give every kid.

mmmm

OMG! Prancer!!!!!!!!

Damn! Where was this gun when I was playing cowboys and Indians back in the 50’s? Can ya imagine Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, or Gene Autry packing an AK-47. Maybe even General George Custer.

Instead of Custer turning to his aide standing beside him and saying, “OMG, look at all them there f**king Indians,” he might have said, “OMG  all those Indians are f**ked.”

mmm

Oops….toooo late George.

Yes folks, in light of recent events regarding incidents involving shootings what better gift to give a kid on Christmas morning than a replica of an AK-47. Other than a replica of an Atomic bomb or something.

“Ohhhhhh boy mommy and daddy. Thanks for this toy Atomic bomb. Can I go out in the yard and blow something up?”

“Sure honeeee. But just don’t blow up any squirrels. Mommy might need the to beat the crap out of daddy if he forgets to pick up some beer at the store.”

MM

OMG! It’s set for 10:11 and it’s 10:10:59 and………..

Yes, I could go on and on about stuff that without us knowing about would just ruin our day. But, my day is already ruined because I spent time writing about this stuff when I could have been doing something constructive. Like trying to figure out why my brain is so f**ked up that I’m writing about this useless stuff.

BUT….just one more….because, as long as I’m on a roll here, might as well make this blog a total write off.

The only really good news, as far as I’m concerned, was that Jennifer Lawrence beat out Miley Cyrus by one vote for top entertainer of the year in the Associated Press annual survey of its newspaper and broadcast members. Pisses me off that they never even asked me. I mean, WTF do its newspaper and broadcast members know that we didn’t already know?

That Jennifer is a great actress that doesn’t need to twerk or stick her tongue out to become famous.

An

Yep, and if it wasn’t for Miley Cyrus I’d never have learned how to twerk for food.

Well, um, if Jennifer actually DID stick her tongue out and twerk I’d still have given her my vote. Only because Jennifer is a hot looking babe while Miley looks like she’s 9 years-old. Think about it for a sec. What’s gonna turn you on more. Jennifer twerking while sticking out her tongue or Miley? Your choice.

MMM

Kinda sensual pic…….if you’re 13 years -old or so.

mmm

My eyeballs just glazed over…..and there’s no tongue involved here.

Yes…if you’re between the ages of 9 and 16 you’d vote for Miley. Fortunately for us adults, the AP and its newspaper members are most likely between the ages of 25 and 50 and have brains. Um….obviously not too many brains considering Jennifer only won by one vote.

Which was probably cast by Fox News Corps. Rupert Murdoch because he’s so freakin’ old and senile he has no clue as to who the hell Miley Cyrus is, what twerking is, and thinks Jennifer Lawrence is related to “Lawrence of Arabia” and because he’s still mourning the loss of actor Peter O’Toole, he voted for Jennifer.

My guess anyhow.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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