WTF Is With Cable TV This Week?

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Yep….Helen was into kinky stuff, Samantha knew how to seduce Darrin by wiggling you know what, and TV wasn’t invented when the Waltons were around. So today, John Boy has 15 kids due to those  sucky reruns.

If you’re like me, poorer than dirt, you basically just subscribe to basic channel service on your cable TV subscription. That, and the fact that who the hell needs six gazillion other TV channels to watch that’s just as inane as the ones you pay for on basic cable.paytv3

Look, it costs me $109 dollars a month for basic cable with one of my 5 TV sets HDTV enabled, which the cable company charges me for allowing me to watch HTDV programs. Although there are only a handful of HDTV programs that I watch. And even then, with the exception of baseball, I really can’t tell the difference between HDTV and analog TV. Might be an eyeball problem. Not too sure.

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Many many eons ago

But that’s not my point today. My point is that TV sucks. Not only during the Holidays, but because no one works at the networks during the holidays, so basically TV is garbage. $109 dollars worth of useless garbage.

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Um, at least we HAD intelligence

You may think differently if you’re from a younger generation because you’re used to TV cable companies sucking you out of your hard-earned money. Me, on the other hand, remembers when TV was FREE! YES….believe it or not….TV WAS FREE!!!!

Until a bunch of greedy bastards said to themselves in a corporate meeting some eons ago, “Hey, how can we f**k consumers outta big bucks by making them pay for TV?” And they did.

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 What’s left of a family watching TV today. The rest of the family killed themselves.

Now sure, I understand that in return we get all those various 1,249 channels to occupy our otherwise dull lives, but, you’d think at least one…yes, “one” would interest me today. (excluding sports channels for you sports nuts who’d watch a race between the turtle and the hare just to get your daily sports fix if no other sports action were available)

Now for instance, I’m scanning yesterday’s TV listings, because by the time you’ve read this blog, it’s a day old. Here’s a sampling of the movies that were offered.

“The Godfather Parts 1 and 2” (1972) OMFG……I haven’t seen the Godfather in um….er….at least a week or so. How many freakin’ times do I have to watch Don Corleone say, “Guido, make him an offer he can’t refuse.” And how many times is the guy that Guido makes an offer to finally gonna figure out that if he doesn’t take that offer he’s gonna sleep with da fishes.

Or, be forced to watch Godfather movies in a closed room for a month before he cracks.

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Seven nights of free showings of “The Sound of Music.”

Scratch that one.

“National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.” (1989) Cripes, Chevy Chase will be dead and buried and they’ll keep showing this one at Christmas time. OK…OK…I get it already. Can’t ya show us something else ya dumb jerks. Maybe National Lampoons Inventory of their other movies….like “one” maybe.

Hey Chevy, think I’m kidding? Jimmy Stewart has been dead and buried for years and he’s still on the tube with “It’s A Wonderful Freakin’ Life.” How the hell would he know….he’s dead for cripes sake!

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F**K….guess that covers everything

“Rocky Balboa.” (2006) If I so much as see one more Rocky Balboa movie I’m gonna smash the hell outta my TV to the tune of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson. Sylvester Stallone is 67 years old. Damn…..make another Rocky Balboa move and see if someone in the ring doesn’t kick his 67-year-old ass then! Now that might be worth watching.

Come on….secretly haven’t you ever wanted to see someone kick Rocky’s ass for a change?

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Whaddya figure Arnold? Geez Sly…we got our butts kicked. Time to give it up.

“Pretty Woman” ((1990) At some point all women as they age are not gonna be so pretty. I’ve already seen this movie seven million times, or so it seems, and I know the plot. So why do they keep showing this movie? Oh….I get it…they think we’ve all turned senile since 1990 and forgot the plot. Damn….make another “Pretty Woman” sequel with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere and call it “Somewhat Pretty Woman” considering the stars are all much older now. Maybe instead of Julia playing a hooker, she could be the madam. Just a thought there.

And speaking of sequels, or remakes, I noticed that “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,”  (whoever the hell he was) was being shown from its original release (1947) What a coincidence that they’re showing that when there’s a new version out. Running out of new ideas for movies guys? Um….here’s an idea for ya….how about a new “Titanic” movie. This time instead of it hitting an iceberg, how about it ramming an oil rig owned by BP oil.

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Yes, I know, there ARE some pretty neat educational programs to choose from

It just goes on and on with these TV listings. Half are which reruns. Makes me wanna scream out, “HEY! GIVE ME A FREAKIN’ REBATE YOU IDIOTS!”

I’m paying for the same programs I’ve seen over and over. WTF is wrong with this picture?

Soooooo. I scrapped the entire idea of watching regular TV programming and opted for video on demand. NO….not the PAY video on demand. Then those bastards get even more bucks outta me. Which I think is their ultimate goal by showing bad movies and reruns.

So, I go to the “free movies” and what do they have? A bunch of movies nobody in their right mind would EVER go to a movie theater to watch or buy on Pay Per View. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a conspiracy to drive us all nuts. Well, at least me.

As far as I’m concerned cable TV is a freakin’ rip off. I’ve said it a gazillion times that cable TV companies should offer a menu option where you select just the channels you want to watch….and pay for. In my case, it would be 6, or at the most 10 channels, which would then mean my cable bill would amount to $20 bucks. Which is why you’ll never see that happen.

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Cable TV subscriber Ben Dover sends a message to Comcast

So…..the only reason I subscribe to cable TV now is due to my other half, who simply cannot live without mindless TV. Which is fine with me because it keeps her occupied, (mindlessly) for four to five hours and keeps her from thinking of things for me to do around the house.

Which, in the long run, might be worth that $109 dollars I fork out every month.

Now if I could only find something mindless to keep her occupied for the rest of the day I’d be in pig heaven.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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