Maybe there’s some truth to that old superstition about “13” being an unlucky number. After all, many hotels do not have a 13th floor. And I myself never leave the house on Friday the 13th. Not that I’m the superstitious kind mind you, but, why push my freakin’ luck.
This week is the time of the year when most major news outlets look back at the year and say to themselves, WTF! With regard to idiotic people and stories that made the news. Yahoo was no exception and they have listed some of the most unlucky events and people who made the news in 2013.
So I took a look at what some of them were and chose a few of my favorite idiotic moments in time starting with my all time favorite, Anthony Weiner, who, by being a complete idiot has not only ruined his political career, but given “Coney Island Hot Wieners” a bad rap. Not to mention, but I will, “Oscar Mayer” wieners as well.
We’ve all heard about the on-line sexploits of Antny, including his new on-line name, “Carlos Danger,” which led to this parody on the web:
“Due to continuing backlash caused by the online sexual exploits of former House Representative Anthony Weiner and former New York City mayoral candidate, processed-meat giant Oscar Mayer has unceremoniously dropped the word wiener, which is spelled differently but pronounced the same, from its products and slogans.
“Thanks to one sleazy politician, the word wiener has been tarnished to the point that we can’t associate with it anymore,” said company spokesperson Beau Lonie. “Now all you hear is ‘Weiner sucks’ or ‘that Weiner is disgusting,’ and that’s not in line with Oscar Mayer products.”
To help prevent small children or juvenile men from giggling at every mention of wiener, the hot dog’s famous jingle has been changed to incorporate the product’s new name:
I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat
That is what I’d truly like to be
‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat
Everyone would be in love with me.
“We feel that Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat is more dignified than the now-maligned wiener name,” added Louie. “We think it’s going to help re-establish our brand as being pro-children and not attached to sexuality.”
Thanks Antny for giving wieners a bad rap. I just hope another idiotic candidate doesn’t come out of the woodwork named Frank. Only because I love “Fenway Franks.” And if he pulls some of the same on-line stuff Antny pulled, perhaps calling his wiener by his first name, Frank, damn, I’d have to switch to another hot dog brand.
Moving forward, or backward to 2013, there was the unfortunate incident involving a TV news anchor, Tori Campbell who reports for Oakland, California station KTVU. Following the crash of Asiana Flight 214 in San Francisco on July 12th, reported the names of the flight crew, which was technically confirmed by the NTSB, but, it turns out the individual providing the confirmation was actually an intern who was taking an online joke that had begun two days before.
So what did Tori say the names of the crew were? “Live and in living color we here at KTUV have the official list of the crew of flight 214. They are, Captain Sum Ting Won, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.”
Oops…..um, I think you’ve been had Tori. Which obviously means they’re were “Foo Ling Yu.”
Then of course there was Toronto Mayor Rob (I’m a complete idiot) Ford who just can’t seem to get out of his own freakin’ way. Drugs, swearing, knocking old ladies over, a DUI arrest, intoxicated at a public event, and resembling an overweight Howdy Doody.
Cripes, has this guy got anything going for him?
WAIT! Maybe he does. A reality show. Why not? Doesn’t every idiotic real life I’m a jerk and don’t have a freakin’ life so watch me have a reality show? Think I’m kidding. Well if a new show that is scheduled to air on TLC next year that features polygamous families can get on the air I thinkith Ford has a chance to get his own reality show as well. Maybe entitled, “Mayor Rob Ford: The Ford Edsel of Toronto.”
For the record:
by Mary Chastain 20 Dec 2013
Brady Williams and his five wives and 24 children, who range in age from 2-20, will star in their own polygamy show on TLC. Their pilot drew decent ratings in September, and now TLC will produce nine one-hour episodes to start airing in March.”
Is it me or does this new TLC reality show gonna make Honey Boo Boo’s parents look like candidates for sainthood.
Finally, an Elvis impersonator, a martial arts instructor, and a struggling actress walk into a mailroom, (I know, sounds like one of those a Greek, Italian and a Jew walk in a bar lead in joke lines) and sent out ricin letters to various political figures along with threatening notes. Eventually all were apprehended and charged with being stupid f**king idiots. Obviously one of the lesser charges. I assume the important charges were the threats they all made along with endangering the lives of people with that ricin.
However, once again Elvis is gonna get a bad name. And the guy’s been dead for decades for cripes sake. Martial arts will also take a hit because one of those idiots was a martial arts instructor. And the third one an actress. Although I don’t think actresses will suffer too much from all this. Only because we all expect actresses to do stupid stuff. Example: Lindsay Lohan. Justin Bieber isn’t an actress but I thought I’d just throw him in for good measure.
For the sake of not writing a novel I have to cut this short. Otherwise this blog will go on forever. But those were some of the outstanding jerkoffs from 2013.
In conclusion, my vote for the biggest idiot, or bunch of idiots of 2013, would be the 113th do nothing Congress. And…..they didn’t EVEN send letters to anyone containing ricin, knock over old ladies, do drugs, swear, have sex with an animal, get their own reality show, impersonate Elvis, demean a wiener, or make fun of an Asian name………………………………….YET!
But…have faith, in your wildest dreams, there’s always 2014.
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