Robot Handjobs!!! OMFG!!! ……Um how much money we talkin’ here?

robot1

Drag out the “3-In 1” oil folks and throw out all your tubes of “KY Jelly.” Might even wanna keep some Quaker State 10W40 oil handy as well. Ah, what the hell, when it comes to lubricating things might as well go full hog and the next time you go to have your car lubed, bring your sex robot along with you too.

Think I’m kidding here? Well read on you doubting Thomases……Dicks and Harrys. (special emphasis on the “Dicks” here)

According to a business website that I stumbled upon today, the future of robots is going to yet another level. SEX! Yes, sex with a robot. Specifically, getting a hand job.

m

Damn! I got the economy model!

Yes, I know this subject is kinda “touchy” if ya catch my drift here, but hey, I didn’t write this story, I’m just expanding on it. So cut me some slack here ya damn perverts. Which by the way, most likely will be the only people who will be paying very close attention to this story.

(for the ol record, the number of people who said they would have sex with a robot was 46.95%.)

For the ol record as well, betcha 40% of those men responding said they were already having sex with a robot…..their spouses.

m

Um….yours or mine?

The greatest invention of all time, (for most married men who dread hearing, “Not tonight dear I have a headache,”) is the “VR Tenga” robot. And it’s a “she” robot.

Um, how you can tell the difference between a he or a she robot is beyond me, unless those brainiacs in the lab have figured out a way to make robots anatomically perfect when it comes to body parts. Although I can’t ever recall seeing a robot with boobs or one that  resembles Anthony Weiner’s woody photos.

m

Then again…………

Sooooo, this VR Tenga robot has a virtual reality headset combined with a self-pleasuring device called a “Tenga” and a robotic gripping arm. According to the article, and this is their quote, not mine, “She gives out handjobs, and she is wonderful at it.”

Hmmmm. Wonder how they know THAT…heh heh.

Now this next part is a bit tacky, but I’m just letting all of you know that “I” am simply quoting from this article and the following description of what this robot does is not my wording. I may be a male slug but I’m NOT into sex with robots yet.

Um….only because I can’t afford a robot and so far my other half has never used that “headache” line on me because I keep our medicine cabinet well stocked with some really good high-end headache relievers. I’m not stupid ya know.

m

Like that famous philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Robots are people too.”

So here’s “their” description: “Apparently, the idea is that a (male) user will insert his penis into the device (which does not sound like a line from a torture porn novel at all) and let it bob up and down while he watches a virtual reality simulation (presumably involving a hot girl) that’s synced with the motion of the VR Tenga.”

Soooo, let me see if I can understand this correctly…..if I were to partake in robot sex that is with this VR Tenga.

I insert my woody into whatever part of this robot there is to insert it in, (gawd only knows but if it has any gears, no way I’m inserting anything into it) and then it bobs up and down while my do dad is inserted into it and I’m supposed to get all fired up by watching a virtual reality video of some hot woman doing whatever hot women do, which is supposed to then get me off because this robot is gyrating with my member stuck into it?

Um, why is it I have visions of something going drastically wrong and then having to call 911 and explain to them that my robot short circuited or froze up and at the moment we are inseparable and can they send over some guy from “Jiffy-Lube” or a tow truck to lift us up and transport us to an emergency room.

Or at the worst, a can opener.

m

Would Viagra help dear?

The article goes on to say that, “What makes her (the robot) more special than any other device on the market is that she incorporates new technology of the virtual reality goggles known as the “Oculus Rift.” They are the crux of the VR Tenga and add to the immersive experience of getting acquainted with your personal self a bit better”

Yeah right! I need to stick my Johnson into a robot to get to know myself better. WTF are they gonna tell me to do next to get to know myself better? Stick my man thing into an ATM machine so that my bank can get to know me better too?

“Ok Mr. Misfit, thank you for inserting your ATM card into our “Bank of America” virtual reality machine. Would you like to withdraw money today or just get a handjob quickie? Please observe the appropriate places to insert your ATM card or your woodster. The slot is for your member card and the lower slot, the round one with padding, would be for your other member. Enjoy, and thanks for banking, and sex, with Bank of America.”

m

Hey…..size doesn’t matter ya know!

I especially enjoyed reading how they explain the need for this self pleasuring robot.

“If nothing else, history had taught us that pornography is necessary to the march of technology. No single medium is fully explored until its potential as a platform for delivering masturbatronic experiences has been fully realized.”

In layman’s terms….for us stoopid people, that basically means, “Hey, if we can get a robot or any other kind of technology to give us a handjob who the f**k needs women around in our lab while we’re working….and getting a handjob.”

m

NOT good for handjobs

Hmmmm. (thinking)

“Dear Bill Gates: I just read about that VR Tenga robot that gives handjobs. I can’t afford one but if you’re presently working on a new Windows 9 computer, could you maybe incorporate a USB port similar to what that robot has. I think I could afford something along those lines. Oh yeah, might want to name it “Windows 9 Microsoftjob.”

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Robot Handjobs!!! OMFG!!! ……Um how much money we talkin’ here?

  1. katydidknot says:

    This is how the robots take over. Make the men dependent upon them and then cut them off (figuratively, I mean there).
    Look at the crap that women can make guys do for sex. Can you imagine if an army of evil robots use that power against humanity?

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Hmmm. I’d better keep a very close eye on my robotic vacuum cleaner…..

         Click here for my daily blog. https://misfit120.wordpress.com

      ________________________________

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