Even I, Misfit, Go Nuts On Occasion.


Oh, and hide any sharp objects too

I’m usually a very calm laid back guy. Nothing really gets to me. After all, when you’ve been divorced twice, worked a gazillion different jobs, dealt with idiotic bosses and a few unnamed off the wall coworkers, what the hell else can get to you if you’ve survived all that? Other than an IRS audit.

But, on occasion, one of those mind-blowing days comes along that makes you want to take a line from that old movie, “Network” and stand on top of some bridge somewhere and scream, “I’m Mad Has Hell And I Ain’t Gonna Take it Anymore!!!!”

Which I would do, but I’m extremely terrified of heights, and even if I did stand on a bridge and yell that out nobody would give a rats ass anyhow. So what’s the use.


Ohhhh Misfit…calm down. It’s your fairy Godmother and two little furry kitties. Seeeee….the calming effect they have. “Hey…f**k off you old bat and the cats too!!!”

So, I thought I’d give you some insight as to what drove me nutso yesterday. Perhaps you can relate to all this and it will give you some comfort that you’re not alone. Or, give you some incentive to try the bridge thing.

The day started out quite normally. Went to a Wal-Mart to do some shopping and headed over to the place where they keep those carriages. Grabbed one and the SOB motherf***ing basket wouldn’t come out. Short of not having a stick of dynamite handy, I tugged and tugged but it still wouldn’t free itself. Soooo, my other half tried. Yeah right!

You know where that went. Then, some big strapping 250 pound guy comes over and says, “Hey, got a problem there pal?” And HE tries to free the cart. Meanwhile a crowd gathers and finally breaks into a round of applause when all three of us free that damn carriage.

Sheepishly we slither away wondering if this will make it on “You Tube.”


Which further proves that grocery carts are all out to get us and drive us insane

THEN, after receiving a brand new DVD player in the mail that I ordered, I attempted to hook it up. Noooooo problem. How hard can that be. I simply disconnect the old one and plug in the six million connections to the new one.

Does it work? Of course not.

Soooooo, I call Comcast and get some guy from lower Slovenia who attempts to walk me thru the same connections I just attempted. Even though I just explained to him I did the same exact thing…..several times!  Had I been able to reach into the phone line and strangle the SOB I would have.

It ended with him admitting that he was completely baffled and that I should call the Toshiba company which made the DVD player….which I did. Wrong move.


How about press 4 if I’m about to shove this phone up your butt

Now you all know what happens when you call ANY company. Yep….several prompts until you get to the one that kinda resembles the one you’re looking for. Which is close to what you’re looking for, but not quite. They never have a prompt that says something like, “Press 2 if you’re an idiot and can’t figure out how to connect your new DVD player to your TV.”

So, picking the closest prompt I could find, I finally got to the one that said, “Press 95 for a rep.” At which point my other half yelled out, as all women do when you’re on the phone, “What the f**k is going on.”

I of course, a bit irritated that I had to go thru 95 phone prompts, yelled out to her calmly, “f**k,” at which point the phone automated voice said to me, “Sorry, we do not recognize that response…goodbye.” (click)

Is it me or do all women ask you a question from the other room while you’re listening to phone prompts?


Ever wonder if CSI investigators are able to determine why someone committed suicide if they found them with phones in their cold dead hands

It was at this point that the cats took refuge, my other half headed for the basement, and I had smoke coming out of my ears. So, in all of her infinite wisdom, thinking that I was a complete idiot and obviously was doing something wrong when it came to calling Toshiba, decided to try her luck at those phone prompts.

“Honestly dear, you simply have no patience….gimmie the damn phone.”

Me, I headed off to the bathroom for some solace and other bathroom intimate stuff.

From my confines in the bathroom I could her yell out, f**k!  Much to my glee knowing that she was most likely on prompt number 95 and got cut off as well. This is quite soothing for any man who knows women think all men are wrong and will ultimately take over and solve the problem that men can’t.

So what does she do. Stomps over to the computer and bangs off a hate e-mail to Toshiba. I guess that brought her some sort of comfort. What did she get in response to that e-mail.

“Hi, this is an automated response to your hate e-mail. Do not reply to this as no one here at Toshiba actually cares or has the time to read what the “f**k you have to say. However, in two or three months we may get back to you to see how you enjoy your new Toshiba product. Goodbye and thanks for contacting us.”


My other half calmly e-mailing Toshiba

By that time after all of these events took place it was already 6PM. Toooo late to do anything about the days events, other than pop a few Tylenol’s, forget about the carriage incident and hope it didn’t pop up on “You-Tube,” and just sit back, relax and try to zone out by catching something relaxing on the tube…..minus the inoperative f**king DVD player.

Ah….PBS has “John Sebastian and some folk music remembrances from the 60’s. Great! That’ll take the edge off of my day. So we settle in to watch it and WTF! It was scratched in lieu of something else. “Mating Patterns of the South American Fruit Fly” or something like that.



I envisioned myself getting to this point

At that point I concluded that this day was a total waste and I simply should have stuck to my original plan and all this could have been avoided.

Which was send my other half to Wal-Mart by herself and let HER wrestle with those damn carriages while I stayed home and watched porn on some old videotapes on my VCR which STILL works perfectly.



Considering the GOP is always invoking the memory of Ronald Reagan, I found it fitting that Ronny should have the honor of flipping the bird to Toshiba

I’ll be fine by tomorrow folks.

Unless Toshiba actually does respond to that hate e-mail and I have to tell them to stick it where the sun don’t shine. And I’m NOT talkin’ about those long Winter nights where the sun don’t shine in Alaska.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Even I, Misfit, Go Nuts On Occasion.

  1. katydidknot says:

    My cable and internet went out three weeks in a row recently, so I’ve spent a lot of time on those customer service lines. Fortunately, I am completely even-tempered and so it took at least 20 minutes for me to lose it.

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Hmmm….only 20 minutes before you lose it Katy. Takes me the first instant I hear some guy from India answer the phone. Ahlllo…..how can eyes assist youse today?

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com


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