Don We Now Our Gay Apparel…except at Hallmark

m

Um…..do ya have any apparel that’s not so much fun? I kinda like to keep a low profile.

You’ve all heard by now the story of how Hallmark shot itself while wearing a gay apparel sweater ornament. It went something like this:

Once upon a time there was a card company that everybody loved. Every year at Christmas time they would show all sorts of Hallmark sponsored TV movies and everybody would watch them and become all warm and fuzzy. Yes, it was a gay time of year for everyone.

WAIT! Did I say GAY? OMFG!

WAIT!!! Did Hallmark say the…(gasp) “Gay” word too? OMFG!!!!!

m

Yes….OMFG way!

Which then sent the corporate brains at Hallmark into a tizzy. As tizzys go this time of year when you’re trying to make a buck off of warm and fuzzy feeling shoppers.

Soooo, they got together and decided that the word “gay” must not be associated with the warm and fuzzy Hallmark image. No sireee. Not us here at Hallmark cards and Hallmark ornaments and Hallmark TV movies and Hallmark pure as the driven snow executives. No sireeee.

What to do? What to do! Um…..how about instead of the word gay on our ornaments and stuff we substitute the word “fun.” Yeah that’s it, like, “Don we now our fun apparel fa la la la la la la la la.”

Nobody’s gonna get upset at the word “fun.” Cept maybe those wackos at the Westboro Baptist Church. But who gives a rats ass about them anyhow, those bastards never buy any seasonal cards.

m

Next on their agenda…”Santa Claus is a cross dresser.”

So, Hallmark, in all their infinite wisdom decided that because the word “gay” can be interpreted in many ways, why confuse the f**k outta shoppers who may or may not be “gay” as in happy or may be “gay” as in um….gay.

Soon after, in the land of corporate advertising and money, the executives realized that they screwed up by eliminating the word “gay” on their ornaments and issued this statement.

“”When the lyrics to “Deck the Halls”are converted from Gaelic to English in the 1800’s, the word gay meant festive or merry. Today it has multiple meanings, which we thought could leave our intent open to misinterpretation.”

Yeah Hallmark, like I’m not gonna buy an ornament because it has the word “gay” on it because I might misinterpret what it means. Geez….I might have to actually explain to anyone visiting my house what the hell I’m doing with an ornament with the word gay on it.  You know how visitors like to examine your Christmas tree for defects and the word gay hidden in there somewhere. Not to mention how many Marvin Gaye CD’s you have.

Hey! If you’re visiting someones house this year and it has one of those ornaments from last year that has the word “gay” on it…. follow that old rule…..don’t ask, don’t tell.

m

OMG….PRANCER! I would have guessed Rudolph with that damn gay nose……oops…..sorry Hallmark.

Furthermore and forsooth, Hallmark went on to say, “The trend of wearing festively decorated sweaters to parties is all about fun. (which the word “gay” is no longer a part of) That’s the spirit we intended to play into that, so the planning team, (high paid idiots) decided to say what we meant: “fun” That’s the spirit we intended and the spirit in which we hope the ornament buyers will take it.”

Yes Hallmark….I’m sure that comment was gonna bail your ass out from looking like a bunch of insensitive asswipes who knew exactly what they were doing when they deleted the word “gay” from their Hallmark products and then, realized OMG, we may lose big seasonal bucks here, decided to attempt to explain their actions. Not too well I might add.

Jon Stewart on Comedy central kinda summed it up last week with regard to this controversy when he took on Hallmark and showed a photo of the World War II plane the “Enola Gay” and changed the name to the “Enola Fun.”

Hallmark……did ya see WWII veterans out there trying to get the name of that plane changed because the word gay now has a few different meanings? You dumb asses.

m

Um….maybe they started to paint the name, “Granola Olay” and then the war broke out and the sign painters never finished the wording…..

And why this year?  Why all of a sudden change everything THIS YEAR? I don’t get it. It’s not like gay people and the word gay just made it to the news headlines ya know.

OMG!  There are gay people out there! Holy crap….the word gay means that gay people can own that word. OMG!!!  Um……gay people only surfaced this year Hallmark?

Hey! While we’re at it, lets change the lyrics to the “Flintstones” theme song which has the line, “When you’re with the Flintstones, you’ll have a yabba dabba doo time. You’ll have a gay old time.” OMG…a “gay” old time. WTF was going on in Bedrock? Unless they meant they were just happy because gay meant happy and Hallmark wasn’t around yet to make them all freak out about that word.

m

So Barney ol pal, now I gotta say, “yabba dabba doo, you’ll have a fun old time.” Kinda sucks doesn’t it.

WAIT! What about that line in “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas?” OMFG!!!! You know, the line that says, “Have yourself a merry little Christmas, make the yuletide gay.” Yuletides are gay? Since when? WAIT!….Oh, I see, yuletides are gay in a sense that their happy…….ok Hallmark, relax, this one can get a pass.

WAIT! What about Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers who sang “Why Do Fools Fall In Love?” You know, “Why do fools fall in love, why do birds sing so gay.” Yeah, THAT GAY LINE!” Birds singing gay? WTF is with THAT! Cripes, now the Audubon Society might take the lead from Hallmark and ban birds from singing gay stuff…..along with Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers.

Ya see where I’m going with this stuff folks. Words are words. if you want to take offense at what a word means because it’s meaning has changed over the years…..basically……you’re an idiot.

Yep….plain and simple….you’re an idiot if you let one word, or ANY word corrupt your mind because it has various meanings. It all boils down to two words: “Politically correctiveness.”

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Yes folks…this and other fine politically correct seasonal cards at your local Hallmark store.

In conclusion, I’ll once again defer to the late George Carlin to make my point.

George once said, “Why is it ok to say that you pricked your finger, but not ok to say you fingered your prick?”

Same word, different meaning….so, in the long run….who gives a rats ass. Except the people Hallmark.

Hope ya had a really “gay” time reading today’s blog.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Don We Now Our Gay Apparel…except at Hallmark

  1. katydidknot says:

    I don’t see where that is going to help them at all. After all, the very same people who are offended by the concept of gay/homosexual also tend to be offended by the concept of “fun.”

    Don we now our queer apparel…

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Exactly my point Katy. If anything, they will lose some shoppers this season. At least those wearing “gay apparel.”

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

      ________________________________

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