Taxi! Taxi!………How Fast Can Ya Get me To Uranus?

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It’s all downhill from here folks

Yes, I know, you think that heading on today’s blog is reallllly funny. Heh, heh, heh….Uranus…heh heh heh. BUT….apparently the folks at NASA, if they were to read today’s blog, wouldn’t even chuckle.

WHY! Because those nerds are seriously thinking about implementing a taxi service to other planets that’s why. Yep, taxi service into outer space. In fact, NASA is so serious about this plan they have put out a call for commercial space taxis, or, taxis that can go waaaaay out there.

And, considering, if you’ve ever been in a taxi, that a lot of cab rivers are waaaaay out there, NASA shouldn’t have any problem recruiting drivers and their taxis to travel into space. Most of them are already out there if ya catch my drift.

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Then there’s the negative side…..

The reason for all this is that NASA has been without its own taxi system since 2011 when they retired their three-ship shuttle fleet due to high operating costs and safety questions. Unlike taxis who don’t have to worry about high operating costs because we all know most taxis are running on a wing and a prayer as it is and who the hell worries about safety problems.

“Hey pal, ya worried about safety. Noooo problem. If dis here cab has a safety problem before we gets to our destination, nooo problem. Look at it dis way. If somethin’ happens how far do ya have to fall? What….a foot or less before ya hit the ground.”

Which would also apply to space travel. Something happens, noooo problem. Ya just float around in space for an eternity. BUT…..you’re then not responsible for the taxi fare.

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Recent photo taken of a passenger ejected from a space taxi

What NASA really wants is private enterprise to develop and maintain their own taxis so that NASA doesn’t have to foot the bill. Kinda like Richard Branson of Virgin Atlantic Airlines who is planning to launch his own space taxi shuttle service. I assume the stewardess will all be virgins. Sorry…..couldn’t help myself there.

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Richard Branson

Branson’s entry into the space program presently is for tourists to go up into space just beyond the atmosphere and then coast back to Earth. Barf bags provided at no cost.

NASA wants more than that. They want space taxis to go to the space station and perhaps beyond at some point. Like Uranus. Which will be the butt, (pardon the pun) of many space jokes.

There is presently one company that is providing space taxi service for NASA. The New York City taxi cab fleet. Because those guys are reallllly out there and have been for quite some time.

Sorry, only kidding. The company now providing service is “Space-X,” (not a medication that removes age spots or warts) and they have made one test flight and two cargo runs to the space station already.

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Barf bags free

In case you’re interested, the meter on that space taxi only ran up to $3.5 million dollars. And only because halfway to the space station someone had to get out and go to the bathroom so the meter kept ticking.

There was no mention in this story as to if space taxis have to be the same putrid yellow color that most taxis are presently here on earth. Or if you will be allowed to have advertisements on the roof of your space taxi. I guess that’s something you have to work out with NASA.

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Up to date photo showing the standard color of most taxis. Which obviously means space taxis will have to be the same color so that you can spot them easier in outer space if you have to flag one down. You know how dark it is up there.

And those of us who have first hand knowledge of riding in a taxi know that when we’re riding in one our attention is always focused on that dreaded taxi meter that racks up those dollars like there’s no tomorrow. You get into a taxi and when the driver throws the meter on, Shazam! you already owe him between two and four dollars on what they refer to as “the drop.” What the hell is “the drop” gonna be on a space taxi? Most likely $50,000.

“Hey driver, what’s with the $50,000? We haven’t even blasted off from the pad yet?”

“Look buddy, the longer the countdown takes, the less time I have to make it to the moon and back and get more passengers. I got a family to feed ya know.”

Russia is also getting into the act. In fact, they already have their own space taxis in operation. “Putin Taxi Service.” And if ya think it’s cheap, listen to this. Well, um….no, not listen, but read this….it costs $60 million dollars per person just to transport space station crew members to the space station. $60 MILLION FREAKIN’ DOLLARS!!! Or rubles. Not sure.

Damn! For $60 million dollars they better have a good selection of condiments. Ya think?

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Some things never change

So, if you’re presently a cab driver look for some new adventure and perhaps some well-paying passengers, here’s your opportunity to make it to the big time and get in on the ground floor of this new business venture. Considering this IS space we’re talkin’ about I guess there really isn’t a “ground floor,” but what the hell, go for it.

If this NASA space taxi program takes off, (literally) I see a new TV program on the horizon. A new 21st century version of “TAXI.” I hear Danny DeVito, (Louie) Judd Hirsch, (Alex) Marilu Henner, (Elaine) Tony Danza, (Tony) could reprise their roles, AND….rumor has it that Andy Kaufman, (Latka)  may still be alive.taxi7

I can see it all now:

(Louie) “Hey Latka…..how come it took yo so long to go from Times Square to the moon and back?”

(Latka) “Vell, ds vittb ooba di, heh heh, glaccka da midkka ver boomer, ha ha ha ha.”

(Louie) “Ha, ha ha, no kidding, and then what did she do after her implants floated out of her bra way up there in space?”

(Latka) “Badda boobs uma  go, zippiddy and uppiddity and gronikka go, OMG! OMG! OMG! and gradinka fer snokenferdik.”

(Louie) “Ha ha ha ha ha, no kiddin’ Lataka….that’s funny as hell. Especially the “gradinka fer snokenferdik” part. Ha ha ha ha, wait till I tell Elaine about that one. She’s planning a trip to Venus and ya know what’s gonna happen if SHE starts bustin’ out…ha ha ha  ha ha.”

I can hardly wait.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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