Celebrity Endorsements……Subtitled: “Bulls**t

My apologies to all bulls.

Now answer this question seriously. Are you one of those people who see a product advertised on TV by some celebrity and, because that celebrity endorses that product, you actually buy it?

WHAT! Are you some kinda nut?

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Do you have any idea why celebrities endorse products? Because they’re paid to endorse those products. DUH.

NOT because they’d actually go out and buy the product they’re hawking. They might, and then again, they might not.

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Yes, it’s true….Schindler himself had a Nissan on his list because Liam Neeson endorsed it

Lets think about the logic of this for a sec. I’ll single out one ad in particular that kinda makes my point. That would be the ad for Buick that features Shaquille O’Neal. The guy is a gazillion feet tall and gawd knows how much he weighs, so what car is Shaq gonna go out and drive? Yeah…..a freakin’ Buick.

Yep…stylish, comfortable, affordable, classy, and ya look real cool sitting in it. Um….like Shaq does here:

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Yo….look at alllll this room bro

Um…..did I mention I’m in the back seat.

noooo

Actually I’m still in the front seat and my mom is behind me laying on the floor….”Mom …Mom…can ya still breathe?”

So like we’re supposed to believe Shaq is actually comfortable driving his Buick from the back seat? And, if some of us resemble the Jolly Green Giant see this ad, and the comfortable photos of Shaq driving his Buick, we’re gonna run out and buy one too.

Yep, and just in case there’s waaaay too much room in that Buick for me, which may be the case, because my legs may be too short to reach the gas pedal if those cars are big enough for Shaq, there’s always the celebrity endorsement for Fiat by Charlie Sheen.

FIAT! The perfect pitchman. Charlie Sheen.celeb5

I guess Fiat figures that if you like the image that Sheen projects, then driving a Fiat is the car for you. Which I’m assuming Fiat wants to project that if you drive a Fiat you can freely hang out the driver’s window on your Fiat while driving on the Interstate and yell obscenities at other drivers while some hot babe with monstrous cleavage sits on your lap holding a drink. Makes me wanna go out and buy a Fiat.

In fact, why not just go out and buy EVERYTHING any celebrity endorses because, as we all know, if they endorse it, then hell, it’s gotta be good. Um….not because they’re getting paid to do that ad. Nah.

Now Leonardo DiCaprio is hawking “Jim Beam” bourbon in Japan. Note that I said Japan. Not here in the U.S. according to this article in “eurweb.com” “A-list stars typically don’t hawk products in the U.S. It’s almost as if by doing so a big celeb will cheapen his image.”

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Where do I get my good looks from……by drinking Jim Beam

Um…ok. Soooo it’s ok to cheapen your image in other countries then? Guess so if DiCaprio is hawking “Jim Beam” in Japan. Personally, the Japanese should counter by hiring a celebrity to hawk saki in the U.S. Too bad Charlie Sheen is already taken in that Fiat commercial. Then again, stick him behind the wheel of a Toyota holding some saki with that big boobed woman. Ah So….good idea Misfit.

Now I personally buy “Polo” brand cologne because I like the scent and it drives my other half nuts. Um….not really, but I like to think it drives her nuts. I think it’s just my body. Or that fact that at my age I’m still breathing. But, am I gonna run out and change brands because Brad Pitt is hawking “Chanel No. 5?”

Not only that, but “Chanel No. 5” is for women, so obviously Brad is suggesting to all men that if they want a hot woman like Angelina Jolie, (Brads spouse) they should switch brands.

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“I always drink Chanel No. 5 and…um…oops….sorry, wrong commercial.”

So as I just said,”Chanel No. 5″ is a women’s perfume. So what the hell is Brad doing in that ad? Obviously suggesting that “Chanel No. 5” is what his wife Angelina Jolie wears and if ya want snag a hot woman like Angelina you have to buy “Chanel No. 5.” (for us poor folk there may be Chanel No. 1 or 2 available at a much lower price) BUT….you’ll get a much lower type woman too.

Or, that Brad gave her “Chanel No. 5” and that’s why they fell in love. OR, that Angelina was already wearing “Chanel No. 5” and that’s what attracted Brad to her in the first place. OR….the perfume was an excuse because he just wanted her body but told her it was the perfume and she mentioned it to the Chanel people and that’s how Brad got hooked into doing that commercial.

But Brad…..NO…..I’m not gonna go out and buy “Chanel No. 5” because you say I should. Who TF are you to tell me what I should buy. Do ya think if I bought a case of “Chanel No. 5” and gave it to Angelina she might dump your butt and come on over to my place? Yeah, fat chance. Might work for you but it ain’t gonna work for the rest of us slugs.celeb9

Come to think of it…..isn’t “Chanel No. 5” supposed to attract men? Hmmmm. I think I get it now. The ad is supposed to convey to other women that they can get a guy like Brad Pitt if THEY wear “Chanel No. 5.”

Silly me. I always thought a hot body attracted men. All this time it was “Chanel No. 5.”

Kinda like saying to yourself, “DAMN! I COULDA HAD A V-8!”

Finally there’s Snoop Dogg, Psy, the Korean singer, Dennis Rodman, and those two Winklevoss twins pitching pistachios. Pistachios for cripes sake. That’s like having a celebrity with a big nose pitch bananas. Meaning that we really don’t need anyone to tell us to buy pistachios or bananas because most of us buy them anyhow. I mean, is there like a Cadillac of pistachios we should be buying? Or a self opening pistachio nut? I don’t get it.

When it comes to celebrities endorsing products advertisers just don’t get it. Perhaps I can convey my message to them in a subtle manner.

HEY YA DUMB ASS JERKS. WE DON’T CARE WHAT CELEBRITY ENDORSES A PRODUCT. IT AIN’T GONNA MAKE US GO OUT AND BUY IT….YA GOT THAT!!!!!!

Unless demographics actually do show that people buy products if they’re endorsed by celebrities. Usually those people who send fan mail to celebrities like Fred Flintstone, Jessica Rabbit and Sponge Bob Square Pants proposing marriage.

“Hi folks. My name is Misfit. I’m here today to endorse a product that I myself use along with Wilfred Brimly, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, Congressmen in Washington and President Obama.

Trust me. This product works or I “Misfit” would not stand behind it.

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Guaranteed to make you say, “Fukitol.”  (In oral or suppository form.)

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWidom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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