Do I Really Wanna Know This Stuff?

omg

OMG! Fred and Wilma smoking!!!! Um…ok, it’s alright…it was after having sex.

Did you ever have anyone say to you, “Hey, if you knew how they make hot dogs you wouldn’t eat them.” Which is why I never ask anyone how they make hot dogs and beat the crap outta anyone who starts to tell me how hot dogs are made.

So, that said, I tend to avoid reading articles about how hot dogs are made and anything with information on how germs take up 90% of my living space in my house. Along with my 3 cats.

BUT….in a moment of sheer boredom, and curiosity, I watched a video by “Yahoo’s Shine” because of the catchy title. Which was, “25 Extremely Disturbing Facts You Wish You Didn’t Know.”

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Sorry, I’m gonna tell you anyhow

Considering I glanced at it briefly to see if any facts about hot dogs were in there, and I didn’t see any, I decided to watch it. However, after watching this video, I need serious counseling and I’m beginning to seriously freak out.

So, I said to myself, “Misfit…why should I be the only one freaking out. So as a public service, and because I want the rest of you to freak out as well, take a look at this disgusting video. Damn you Yahoo!

So now that you’re totally freaked out, I might mention a few pointers about what was covered in that video. Just a few.

Like the fact that George H. W. Bush survived a plane crash on a remote island during World War II along with 7 other people and HE was the only one who was not eaten by cannibals. Ya know why. Because those cannibals were all Republicans and those other 7 people they ate were Democrats. Hey…how else can ya explain the fact that Bush was the only one that wasn’t eaten. Makes sense to me.

d

You should have had the George H. W. Bush rib roast

Left-handed people die more than right-handed people. Really! And the reason they give is that they die in great numbers because they use stuff made for right-handed people? Like what! Using a right-handed steak knife or something? Or a right-handed gun? Maybe even a right-handed bow and arrow. Seems logical to me.

b

Better call Aflac

I’m really paranoid about this next one. Your chances of dying while on the way to buy a lottery ticket are much greater than winning the lottery. Falls into the same category as your chances of getting hit by lightning are better than hitting the lottery.

But I figure it this way. I can take my chances of dying on the way to buy a lottery ticket or or go outside during a thunderstorm and see if I get hit by lightning, and THEN, if either of those two actually happen, THEN, I can relax a bit and go out and buy a winning lottery ticket. So take that Yahoo Shine. I ain’t stoopid ya know.

m

And getting hit by lightning

This next one doesn’t make me squeamish at all, but it might make you go Euwwwwwwwww! That mention about the layers in toilet tissue. Like poop matter can actually penetrate up to ten layers of toilet paper. Which is why personally I always use one roll of toilet paper per poop trip. I told ya I wasn’t stoopid.

u

HEY! Better than some damn woodpecker pecking at your bark

As long as we’re centering on what the hell disgusting information we can get out of pooping, I might as well end up with this pointer Yahoo gave all of us so that we can no longer walk around feeling safe from germs….or cannibals if we’re in a plane crash on some remote island that does not have a McDonald’s of Burger King on it.

That would be that your desk, kitchen sink, grocery cart, cell phone, ATM and restaurant menu contain more germs and bacteria than your toilet bowl. Not to panic however.

Obviously the simple solution to this problem would be to purchase a spare toilet and use it as a desk. Perhaps buy a second one and use it as your kitchen sink. HEY…it already has water in it so what the hell else do ya want!

Then buy another one, put wheels on it and use it as a grocery cart for all of your shopping needs. No need to worry about grocery things falling out either…it has a lid.

f

Hey! If it’s good enough for Rover to use

As far as the restaurant menu goes, considering germs love food, just bring some toilet water from home, sprinkle it on the menu before touching it, and you’re safe. Manufacturers were already aware of this, which is why they continue to make toilet water which is available in many upscale department stores.

As far as ATM’s and cell phones go. You’re pretty much safe from germs if you sprinkle that same toilet water on the ATM keys before you use it and NEVER let anyone use your cell phone, thereby keeping it germ and bacteria free.

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Oh sure, it’s ALWAYS  those damn cell phone germs that get all the attention. What are we….chopped liver?

Unless you’re still using three to four sheets of toilet paper when you poop and then you use your cell phone.

Then, your basically screwed. Along with anyone who asks to borrow your cell phone.

Geez….was that too much information or what!

And I didn’t even mention those mouse brains.

Have a nice germ free day people.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Do I Really Wanna Know This Stuff?

  1. katydidknot says:

    I was going to pick up some sausages at the store the other day until I saw a sticker that said, “Contains beef, chicken, and pork components.”

    George H.W. Bush is left-handed, so how did he survive the cannibal island, really?

    I haven’t watched the video yet, so I’ll stop there.

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Well, when ya watch the video, don’t day I didn’t warn ya.

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

      ________________________________

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