If you have a Facebook account you really need to friend Kimberley A. Johnson. She’ll either piss you off, make you fall in love with her, or, show you some neat things, like these new Christmas toys that you could only wish Santa Claus would bring you.
Personally, if Kimberley is into these toys, which she posted the link to on her Facebook page, I think we may have been separated at birth. Obviously she got the “looks” while I got..um…….Damn! I didn’t get nothin.’
So thanks to Kim for posting this link which is from “Distractify” and originally entitled, “25 Horrifying Toys To Traumatize Small Children.”
I guess if you’re in the “big children” category, these toys are just fine. Or have a demented sense of humor such as yours truly.
So, here, out of the 25, are my favorites. Might wanna make a note on your, “What to get Misfit for Christmas list.” Hint, hint.
Um, no, I really don’t want a Adolf Hitler doll. For one, I don’t understand German and besides that, I’m into the giant inflatable ones……..female ones without moustaches.
Now if you just happen to have someone on your Christmas list named Dora……………………
YES! Of course that toy above is innocent. What the hell was I thinking. Sorry.
WAIT! What the freak is THIS! A damn finger? Oh yeah….a biggggggg E.T. finger. For those moments when ya wanna flip the bird to drivers obviously from other planets who cut you off on the highway.
Now this next toy I really don’t understand why it would traumatize any child. What’s wrong with having a doll that looks just like you? Unless you’re House Speaker John Boehner and the look-alike doll you get constantly sheds tears. One damn Boehner is enough don’t ya think.
Ah yes, the ultimate man toy. HEY! I’m talkin’ about the robot you damn perverts. Well, um, the biggggggggggg rocket is nice too.
Now THIS one definitely would freak out a small child. Actually, it even freaks me out. Not to mention, but I will, what it does to the stork’s reputation.
You can either think of sheer pain or sheer pleasure when it comes to eating these. Think I’ll pass on these however. I’d feel kinda embarrassed eating them. And a bit perverted.
For us guys this is really a great toy to have if you can’t afford actually going to a strip club. Plus you can stuff Monopoly money into her dress instead of real cash. AND….she won’t mind at all.
Yes….this is another toy you do not wanna give to little Dick or Jane. It would definitely cause trauma to any little kid with just the thought of the Easter Bunny pooping Easter Eggs. As if we adults didn’t already know that’s where Easter Eggs come from. Which is why we adults are smart enough to only eat chocolate bunnies.
And finally, the ultimate Christmas gift if you follow this blog. The MisfitWisdom dirty old naked man doll. Sadly it not only will traumatize little kids, but adults as well.
Sorry, but when your my age there’s not much you can do to look attractive when yer naked.
So there ya have it. A few of the toys guaranteed to send your tiny tot to the shrink. And I can definitely vouch for that.
Only because when I was a mere child and my cousin Elmer and I watched little Elvira, the girl next door, open up her Ken and Barbie Christmas doll set, we were shocked when we made her strip down the dolls and discovered they had no genitals.
Took us weeks and weeks of counseling before we could get over that. And a few sneak peeks at the local convenience store of Playboy magazine centerfolds.
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