Now You Can Buy Your Own Cockroaches….Um…..But Why?

m

For the aspiring Dr. Frankenstein in your family

Yep, just what I had on my Christmas list this year. My own cockroach. And it will only cost me $99. AND….it’s remote-controlled!

The perfect gift for anyone that’s hard to buy for at Christmas time. AND…it actually has a purpose. Besides scaring the bejesus outta your other half.

Next month, according to an article in the “Huffington Post,” “Backyard Brains,” (not a drive-in restaurant for Zombies) which is a Michigan based company, will unveil its latest creation: remote controlled cockroaches.

Hey! If you already have one of those remote controlled vacuum cleaners, why not complement it with a remote-controlled cockroach. My thinking anyhow.

m

Um…..mixed marriages between consenting cockroaches?

Here’s how it works, just in case you’re into remote-controlled cockroaches.

Co-founders Greg Gage and Tim Marzullo developed a circuit backpack that can be placed on a cockroach surgically by inserting a small wire into the cockroach’s antennae which then allows the backpack to communicate directly to the neurons through small electrical impulses.

Kinda simple don’t ya think.

I guess this is along the same line of getting zapped by a Taser gun, but less painful, if painful at all, to the cockroach that is.

m

Soon to be on “Dancing With The Stars.”

So basically what you can do is control the cockroach’s movements. Why you would want to do that is beyond me. I mean, what purpose does a cockroach serve anyhow? Other than, what I said earlier, to scare the bejesus outta your other half, and the rest of us as well.

OMG!!!!  COCKROACH!! RUN!!! RUN!!!

o

Or as that famous philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Cockroaches are people too.”

But, the creators say there is a useful function to having a remote controlled cockroach. Probably so that you can steer it away from you.

Actually it can teach students as young as 13 years of age about how electrical signals affect the brain. Kinda like in those Frankenstein movies.

Marzullo says, “RoboRoach” is the first experiment that actually has a cockroach walking around, and manipulating its behavior by stimulating nerves. It allows users to learn about neurons in the brain and even micro-circuitry by studying the device itself.”

Which, I assume was the reason they messed around with cockroaches instead of humans. Mainly because if the cockroach dies during the process, who gives a rats ass.

However, cockroaches, being very intelligent, which they have to be, considering they’ve survived on Earth longer than we have, and will be here long after we’ve departed, can eventually outsmart the device implanted on their little cockroach bodies. Usually after about 20 minutes the cockroaches say, “Screw you, I got this figured out so f**k off.”

At which point those guys who developed the device have to retire the cockroaches. And they collect disability insurance.roach 7

Of course there are some people who aren’t too happy with inflicting pain, if a cockroach can actually feel pain, on those insects. They have been receiving e-mails from people in defense of the cockroaches and they, (the developers and not the cockroaches) have been called psychopaths and say that they are encouraging the harm of animals.

m

Obviously the work of a demented psychopath

Marzullo responds, “If we had invented the bridle to steer the horse, some people would think that’s harmful controlling of animals. It goes to show how little most people know about how neurons function because they never experimented with this in high school. It’s a fear of the unknown.”

g

Where Gloria Gaynor got her idea for her hit song

All this makes me think back to Science class in high school when Mr. Flockster gave us assignments to dissect frogs. I got out of the class by barfing, but those other poor suckers in class had to cut up poor little dead frogs. Where the hell were the frog defenders then? Bastards…….ruined a good lunch.

“Backyard Brains,” (no actual brains are involved) will put their newest version of this invention on the market next month, allowing anyone to purchase a box of cockroaches and a circuit backpack from their website for a mere $99.

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Hey….where else can ya get such a deal for $99 bucks

Happy Meal cockroaches in a box are somewhat cheaper.

My thinking is that you might be able to cut down on that initial price if you mange to trap your own cockroaches, thereby just paying for the backpack. Just a guess folks.

HEY! If ya got a bunch of cockroaches presently running around your house, (the un human kind) why not give it a shot. Can’t hurt.

Or, if you’re not into actually buying this package, why not offer them your cockroaches at a discounted price. Start your own cockroach farm. “Cockroaches-R-Us.”

Look for it soon to be listed on the N.Y. Stock exchange.

Listed under: “If you’re so nucking futs to buy a cockroach with a backpack, we don’t really care pal. We’ll still take your money.”

m

Cockroaches DO have some self respect

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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