Dogs….Here Comes The Mailman….and He Has A Surprise For You.


Because he read today’s blog and knows what the postman has for him

Thar’s money to be made in them thar hills podner. If you can figure out a way to sell stuff to dogs. Well, um, not to dogs, because, as we know, dogs do not carry wallets.

BUT…..their owners do…and that’s where the bigggg bucks come in.

First take a look at this sales pitch for this:


Oh Joy! For meeeeee!

“So you got a dog and you’re completely obsessed with your new best friend. Your Facebook and Instagram are loaded with photos of your dog: you and the dog at the park; you and the dog on vacation; the dog in the hallway alone, looking forlorn and wearing a stupid sweater. You’re considering throwing the dog its own birthday party. You sit on the couch in the dark with the dog on your lap, watching Homeward Bound on a loop.

That’s why a BarkBox subscription (starting at $19 a month) is the perfect thing for you, and any other pet obsessive you know. Fully customizable to the type of dog you have, each month, a box of treats and toys will arrive on your doorstep. You’ll probably be more excited about this than the dog will be, but that might be the point.”

Goleee Festus, just $19 dollars a month and I can make butt sniffing Rover happy as a dog in a room full of macho German Shepherds. Considering that’s what most dogs do when they meet other dogs. No paw shaking, just butt sniffing.dog25

But, do ya think they have any simulated dog balls in that “Bark Box?” Because that’s what Fido really would be contented with receiving in a box each month. HEY! If I were a damn dog I’d be contented.


On the other hand, this would work just as well

Amanda Waas wrote this story for “Parade,” and as you can see apparently is all excited that Snoopy can now get as excited as her when that box arrives each moth full of treats and toys. If such box actually arrives at your front doorstep before Rex attacks the mailman delivering it out on your front lawn.


But dad….he was delivering that “Bark Box!”

“Oh look honey, how cute. Buster’s box of goodies has arrived and he can hardly wait to sink his teeth into all those goodies. Look, even Mr. Fernster the mailman is getting into the act playing with Buster as he opens his box…….soooo cute.”

“Um honey, I don’t think the mailman is playing with Buster.”

“You don’t. Why dear?”

“Frankly because the mailman is screaming his fool head off, his clothes are shredded and he’s kinda bloody crawling to get to his mail truck. My guess anyhow.”


Damn,,,and I forgot to wear my protective cup

So I’m thinking that if you’re one of the millions of dog owners that are completely obsessed with your dog that you’d spend $19 dollars a month buying this “Bark Box” you really need to get a life. Unless….um…..unless you’re subscribing to the “Meals-on Wheels” program and feel guilty when you get food delivered to your door and Lassie does not.


Cats already subscribe to the Meals on Wheels program

Look….if you’re THAT into your dog you obviously do not have a serious relationship with anyone of the opposite sex….other than your dog, and you should seek help immediately.

Now think about this for a minute. You’re gonna fork out $19 a month for a box of toys and treat for a stinkin’ dog that may or may not be your best friend. Um….if it IS your best friend, again, you should seek help immediately.

Sooooooo, $19 dollars a month times 12 months comes out to $$228 a year! You’re gonna spend $228 dollars a year to make your dog happy?  What are ya freakin’ nuts!

Why not spend $228 dollars on yourself and make YOU happy for cripes sake!


Unless of course you think $228 dollars a year is worth keeping your relationship secure with your dog

I can off-hand think of a lot of stuff I could make myself happy with on $228 dollars a year. FOOD for one. Gas, grocery shopping, damn toys, (battery operated ones) and goodies. (goodies being the women that part of that $228 dollars would pay for, which kinda goes along with that battery operated toy)

HEY! Screw the damn dog. Let him get his own freakin’ jollies for nothing when he’s out sniffing other dog butts…..for FREE!

Unless he’s a really smart dog and you think he’s worth it.


The ultimate test to determine if you have a smart dog

Do ya see me spending $19 bucks a month trying to make my three cats happy? NO! Other than the food they’re making me bankrupt with. I buy them a damn stuffed mechanical mouse and they play with it for 10 minutes and then its complete boredom. But the mouse only cost me $5.

Cripes, I can buy my cats a bag of catnip for $3 bucks, get them completely stoned out on that stuff, and they could care less about getting any more toys. So you’re lookin’ at a total of maybe $15 to $20 bucks I spend on my freeloading cats for the entire year. Minus the $1,000 on cat food that is.

So am I gonna spend more money making my cats happy with a “”Meow Box” if it were available? I thinkith not. But you know that’s comin’ down the pike if this “Bark Box” concept takes off.


Then there’s this option

The bottom line here is, as I said earlier. If you’re seriously considering buying this for Cujo, you better get your head examined.

$228 dollars a year equals a really good time with some bimbo in a bar on New Years Eve night.

So what’s it gonna be to making someone happy? You or the dog?

Wouldn’t it just be a lot cheaper to pocket the $228 a year and simply let the dog out of the house when the mailman arrives. After all, chewing up mailmen is every dogs fantasy. Makes em happy and their perfectly content after mauling him.

Works for me.

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to Dogs….Here Comes The Mailman….and He Has A Surprise For You.

  1. Katy says:

    I’m not a dog person, but dogs always seem like they’d be just as happy chewing an empty paper towel roll than something fancy and expensive.

    I have spiders. Big spiders.

    The only expense, really, is crickets, which are about 8 cents a piece. But it’s sort of like having pet rocks.

    Pet rocks that eat crickets.

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      Spiders…..crickets….you’re really beginning to worry me Katy.

      Click here for my daily blog.


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