Exclusive: Squirrels Shop At “Dollar General” Stores.


Reading this story about a squirrel, TV personalities Rocky and Bullwinkle mull over legal action against Tennessee authorities

If you really wanna get a good deal on merchandise, obviously you shop around or look through your daily newspaper circulars to see which store is offering the greatest deals.

OR….keep track of where squirrels are shopping. Only because, as we all know, squirrels tend to squirrel away stuff for the long winter ahead and always look for the best deals.

I know you think this is “nuts” but considering squirrels collect “nuts,” which are basically free, AND if “nuts” are free, obviously any respectable squirrel is not gonna want to fork out any of their “nuts” in a “Dollar General” store unless he or she can get a really great deal. Otherwise that would be “nuts.”

Which may have been the case in a “Dollar General” store in Mountain City, Tennessee this past week when a squirrel innocently walked into that store with a bunch of nuts, I assume, ready to make a deal on whatever it is squirrels make deals on. Maybe little baggies or Tupperware to keep their nuts stored in. Who knows.


Most squirrels already know about the hazards of shopping at a Dollar General store

Anyhow, this one squirrel on a normal shopping trip to that Dollar General store was just minding his own business when a police officer entered, saw the squirrel, and whipped out his gun and shot it. Unfortunately, for the police officer, but lucky for the squirrel, the officer missed.


I’ll show you my Visa and MasterCard just to prove I’m only shopping!

So, the cop then whipped out his handy-dandy can of pepper spray and sprayed the bejesus outta the squirrel, while horrified customers, and perhaps the squirrels kids looked on.


Obviously the most logical way to catch a squirrel

Officer Jody Putnam is no longer officer Jody Putnam but just regular average citizen Jody Putnam after the city fathers determined that he used excessive force to contain that squirrel. Possibly before questioning the squirrel and determining if it had proper ID to be shopping in a Dollar General store.

Actually, the officer was dismissed because he refused to fill out a report on the incident. Which is quite understandable.

I mean, suppose you’re a police officer with high expectations of some day getting the hell outta Tennessee and perhaps making it to the big time by becoming a FBI or NARC agent. How the hell are you gonna explain that you killed a squirrel in a Dollar General store in the line of duty and not look like a complete idiot?

Yes….sadly the squirrel died.


Squirrels sometimes do have attitudes, which may have contributed to the demise of that squirrel at the Dollar general store

An autopsy report on the squirrel has not been released as to the cause of death, but my guess would be it died from a heart attack. Not to mention, but I will, that shoppers in that Dollar General store could have had heart attacks as well with some bozo cop whipping out his gun and shooting at a squirrel.

Do you have any idea how small those Dollar General stores are? And the skinny tight aisles. Where the hell can ya hide from bullets flying everywhere? Along with a crazed squirrel trying to avoid getting shot as well.

Why is it I’m having images of Barney Fife?


Yessir….shot that little bastard right between the nuts

So, a word of caution here folks. If you’re ever in the Mountain City, Tennessee area and have the inclination to do some shopping at a Dollar General store and just happen to see a squirrel or two doing some shopping, just go about your business and continue your normal shopping routine.

Do not panic and dial 911 and report a squirrel shopping. This is NOT an emergency situation. An emergency situation is if the squirrel is grabbing YOUR nuts anywhere including at a Dollar General store!


My point exactly…….

It’s beyond me why that officer would think about pulling out his gun and shooting at a squirrel. WTF was he thinking?

Unless he somehow passed his police officer eye exam when in fact he really had terrible eye sight and mistook the squirrel for a very short perp in a gray hoodie.

OR…..that cop was just plain NUTS!

OR…..had a really big set of nuts and THAT’s what the squirrel wanted.

Just sayin.’


WTF you lookin’ at….ain’t you ever seen a squirrel with a big set of nuts

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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