It’s been a mother lode of useless information at “Time Magazine” this week. An eight page article on why we should all move to Texas. Other than to hunt down Ted Cruz and slap him silly. A story on women in politics, because, as we all know, they’re the only ones in D.C. with brains.
A story on Israeli and Palestinians and why they can’t agree on peace. Hey….if they haven’t figured it out by now, they’re never gonna.
Then a story about Benedict Cumberbatch, (who?) with a really nice photo of him which suspiciously looks like he’s giving us the finger. And the other usual stuff “Time” stuffs into their magazine every week. Advertisements for one.
(Benedict Cumberbatch is a British Actor who I’ve never heard of. But, considering he’s probably never heard of me either, I think that makes us even)
But what caught my eye this week, besides that “advertisement” for Texas was their one page spread on tattoos. Who gets them, along with some celebrities who have them, and a brief history of tattoos.
Which got me to thinking. What happens when everyone who got a weird tattoo when they were young has to explain to their grandchildren and great-grandchildren why they have a stupid tattoo of a sheep in woman’s clothes tattooed on their chest. Along with some really other strange tattoos.
I mean, think about it for a sec. Little Red Riding Hood walks into granny’s house and instead of those old lines like, “Granny, what big teeth you have or what big eyes you have,” she looks at granny and says, “Granny! What a big tattoo of a wolf you have on your chest.”
At which granny replies, “Yes dear, the jig’s up…we’re lovers.”
For instance: Why would you spend money on an expensive tattoo such as the one below when all ya have to do is pay somebody to shoot you. Or, just walk around at night in a high crime neighborhood. Seems logical to me.
Being a tattoo artist does have its perks. Literally!
Again, wouldn’t it be easier and a bit less expensive to just find a bigggg spider in your house, spray it with polyurethane and then paste it on your body?
Yep, just what I always wanted on my body. The wicked witch from “The Wizard of Oz.” Why just the other day I sent a letter to Hugh Hefner asking if he could highlight her in a centerfold in Playboy Magazine. Really hot don’t ya think.
Then for those moments when you wish you had eyes in the back of your head. Jusssst in case you have a spouse that wants to sneak up on you and kill you.
Or for those moments when you’re watching a really scary horror movie on TV, don’t wanna watch the bloody axe decapitation scene, but, you’re still tempted…………
For cat lovers, the ideal tattoo.
Yep, you’re up there on the roof adding on an addition when you forgot to bring the measuring stick. Damn! What to do? Obvious….just carry one around with you all of the time. Great for determining your dates boob size too as you wrap your arm around her inconspicuously.
Are ya lonely guys? Don’t have much in the way of female companionship? Or are you just plain butt ugly? The solution. Feel yourself up.
And finally, my absolute favorite when it comes to asking a woman, “Hey….can I see your tattoo.”
So there ya have it. Some unusual tattoos that, in years to come, are gonna take some real explaining to do when you’re sitting in that rocking chair in a rest home and your grandchildren come to visit you.
Unless…….you have one of these………
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