Tattoos: Subtitled: “But Grandma What Big Tats You Have”

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Ok…Ok…ya wanna pet him instead?

It’s been a mother lode of useless information at “Time Magazine” this week. An eight page article on why we should all move to Texas. Other than to hunt down Ted Cruz and slap him silly. A story on women in politics, because, as we all know, they’re the only ones in D.C. with brains.

A story on Israeli and Palestinians and why they can’t agree on peace. Hey….if they haven’t figured it out by now, they’re never gonna.

Then a story about Benedict Cumberbatch, (who?) with a really nice photo of him which suspiciously looks like he’s giving us the finger. And the other usual stuff “Time” stuffs into their magazine every week. Advertisements for one.

(Benedict Cumberbatch is a British Actor who I’ve never heard of. But, considering he’s probably never heard of me either, I think that makes us even)

But what caught my eye this week, besides that “advertisement” for Texas was their one page spread on tattoos. Who gets them, along with some celebrities who have them, and a brief history of tattoos.

Which got me to thinking. What happens when everyone who got a weird tattoo when they were young has to explain to their grandchildren and great-grandchildren why they have a stupid tattoo of a sheep in woman’s clothes tattooed on their chest. Along with some really other strange tattoos.

d

Gawd I miss you Thelma

I mean, think about it for a sec. Little Red Riding Hood walks into granny’s house and instead of those old lines like, “Granny, what big teeth you have or what big eyes you have,” she looks at granny and says, “Granny! What a big tattoo of a wolf you have on your chest.”

At which granny replies, “Yes dear, the jig’s up…we’re lovers.”

Soooo, when all of you young people years from now have grandchildren and they spot that tattoo on your body, how ya gonna respond?tattoo6

For instance: Why would you spend money on an expensive tattoo such as the one below when all ya have to do is pay somebody to shoot you. Or, just walk around at night in a high crime neighborhood. Seems logical to me.

Hmmmm

Hey…I figured if they thought I was already shot, they wouldn’t shoot me.

Being a tattoo artist does have its perks. Literally!

I bet....what about the other boob

Um….can I see if the other boob agrees?

Again, wouldn’t it be easier and a bit less expensive to just find a bigggg spider in your house, spray it with polyurethane and then paste it on your body?

Aghhhh....get it off ...get it off....

Aghhhhhh….get it off……get it off!!!!

Yep, just what I always wanted on my body. The wicked witch from “The Wizard of Oz.” Why just the other day I sent a letter to Hugh Hefner asking if he could highlight her in a centerfold in Playboy Magazine. Really hot don’t ya think.

Never date any girl named Dorothy

If you have this one on your body never date a girl named Dorothy who has a dog named Toto and lives in Kansas

Then for those moments when you wish you had eyes in the back of your head. Jusssst in case you have a spouse that wants to sneak up on you and kill you.

Rear view vision

Rear view vision. OR…objects may appear closer than they appear

Or for those moments when you’re watching a really scary horror movie on TV, don’t wanna watch the bloody axe decapitation scene, but, you’re still tempted…………

I can still see you

I can still see it….damn!

For cat lovers, the ideal tattoo.

Cripes...save a few bucks on a tat and get a damn cat

Cripes…save a few bucks and buy a freakin’ cat you idiot

Yep, you’re up there on the roof adding on an addition when you forgot to bring the measuring stick. Damn! What to do? Obvious….just carry one around with you all of the time. Great for determining your dates boob size too as you wrap your arm around her inconspicuously.

great for carpenters

Comere’ baby and give me a biggggg hug

Are ya lonely guys? Don’t have much in the way of female companionship? Or are you just plain butt ugly? The solution. Feel yourself up.

If you're lonely for female companionship...or you're real ugly

Ummm…..was it good for you too honey?

And finally, my absolute favorite when it comes to asking a woman, “Hey….can I see your tattoo.”

Gives new meaning to stop and smell the roses

Gives new meaning to the saying, “Stop and smell the roses.”

So there ya have it. Some unusual tattoos that, in years to come, are gonna take some real explaining to do when you’re sitting in that rocking chair in a rest home and your grandchildren come to visit you.

Unless…….you have one of these………

b

Cause every little kid just loves little kitties

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to Tattoos: Subtitled: “But Grandma What Big Tats You Have”

  1. swedenole13 says:

    I’m not sure what’s worse, tats or piercings! Ouchies! LOL

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