“Golleee Festus, whaddya wanna do fer fun today?”
“Um, geez Cletus, I dunno. Whaddya say we drive out to Utah and knock over a two hundred million year old rock just fer the hell of it. Hey, we’re Boy Scout leaders and knockin’ over a bigggggg rock could save some lives ya know.”
“Damn straight Festus. Ya never know when a two hundred million year old rock is gonna fall on top of someone. We better get our butts out there fast buddy.”
Sooooo. That’s what two idiot Boy Scout leaders actually did at Utah’s “Goblin Valley State Park.” Along with a third Boy Scout leader who videotaped the other two jackasses knocking over an innocent boulder that, as I said, had been just sitting around minding its own business for over two hundred million years.
AND……no one, an animal, an ant, or an actual live person ever had any of those rocks threaten them by falling on top of them. Go figure.
YET…these two bozos took it upon themselves to protect mankind from that dastardly rock. Not only that, but proceeded to look like the actual idiots they were by acting like a couple of two-year olds jumping around like a bunch of monkeys who had way too many bananas. Watch this video:
Indiana Jones and “Raiders of The Lost Ark” these two are not.
More like, Utah Jerkoffs and Raiders of the Lost Rock.
But ya know what’s idiotic about this whole rock molestation thing? Besides the fact that the rock was over two hundred million years old dating back to Jurassic era times and they ruined it. They went on TV and attempted to justify their actions and came off looking like Goober and Gomer. Or better yet, Larry, Daryl and Daryl.
“Well, heh heh, we were trying to save lives. I mean, there we were, surrounded by this huge threatening rock, so I sez to Cletus, “Cletus, we needs to push that thar rock off of where it’s been sitting for two hundred million years before it falls on some poor little kid.”
“Yep, I said to Festus. Little kiddies like to play with rocks so we needs to save some little kids life by pushin’ that rock over there on safer ground. Looks kinda wobbly to me.”
“So the two of us valiantly approached that threatening rock and gave it a big shove and over it went. Golleeeee, it was so thrilling for the two of us that we peed our Boy Scout pants laughin’ so hard. Ah think Goober, who was videotapin’ us pooped his pants too.”
“Damn straight again Cletus. And, for the record when we make it on national TV for saving lives, tell em’ what we said after our heroic feat.”
“Oh yeah, git this. We sez for the record, “One giant rock for mankind, one small step backwards for the Boy Scouts of America.” Meaning of course that we got rid of that giant rock and had to step back so we didn’t get crushed when we rolled it over.”
Yes folks, millions, if not gazillions of innocent people’s lives have been saved from this geological artifact which was just sitting there waiting for its next victim. Or, perhaps its first victim considering in over 200 million years it hadn’t killed anyone yet.
Damn….missed its chance on those two bozos.
Have ya seen that new commercial on TV for “Direct TV” where this guy is being held hostage by a bunch of nasty teeth bad breath backwoods hillbillies? Kinda like the same guys Ned Beatty had sex with in “Deliverance.” Well when I saw those two asswipes jumping around on that rock after they destroyed the other rock, that was my first image of them.
AND…..THEY’RE FREAKIN’ BOY SCOUT LEADERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which is one of the many reasons I never joined the boy scouts. I mean, come on, who the hell wants to walk around as a young kid or teenager wearing shorts with all kinds of weird patches all over your clothes. Like, a patch for knocking over a big freakin’ rock. Oh sure, the chicks are gonna think I’M real cool. Well, maybe a Girl scout.
Um…on second thought….maybe not.
Any girls I ever scouted during my girl scout trolling years was never into rocks. Unless they were the kind of rocks they wore on their finger or had in their Vodka Collins at a bar. Which might explain why these guys are Boy Scout leaders screwing around with ancient rocks instead of scoring women with other types of rocks. Because they’re freakin’ idiots.
Another point. Look at the way those rockheads are dressed to go out in public. Would YOU dress that way? Maybe if I were freakin’ dead, laid out, and my other half wanted a good laugh at my wake.
So Boy Scouts of America, national TV, and “YouTube,”congratulations for saving millions of lives by showing all of us that video. No, not because those two nerds knocked over that biggggggggggg rock.
Because no woman in their right mind is EVER gonna date those guys after THAT story, thereby saving all of us from any one of them EVER getting married and reproducing offspring.
Thereby saving us, and all other 200 million-year-old geological artifacts in Utah and other national parks from ever worrying about having someone, (their offspring) push you over……after 200 million years.
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