WTF Is Going On In Norway? Or….am I just “knit-picking?”

Norwegians preparing

Norwegians preparing for the great Norway “Knit Off.”

Folks, I gotta tell ya, I laughed when they came out with an all news channel. (CNN)

I laughed again when they came out with “The Weather Channel.” And even “The Travel Channel.” I mean, how much news, weather and travel can ya watch sitting in front of the tube at any given time.

Unless they combine all three and you have someone murdered at CNN during a Nor’easter storm while travelling. THEN it might be worth watching. BUT….NOT on a 24 hour basis as far as I’m concerned.

n

Brought to you by the makers of “No-Doze.

Now I’m beginning to wonder about those people in Norway. Because once again I’m laughing my butt off at their latest TV venture. And on top of that, I’m hoping and praying that American television executives don’t think that this new TV venture the Nords have is worth putting on American television.

So what is this new exciting channel the Norwegians have come up with?

I’ll tell ya….(yawn)

It’s called “Norway Television Is So Boring We’re Gonna Give You A Five Hour Documentary On How The Wool Off Of A Sheep’s Back Turns Into A Sweater.'”

It’s not really called that, but that’s basically the premise of the five-hour documentary. If you can stay awake longer than 5 minutes to watch the entire show. Sheep included.

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Hah! Pulled the wool over your eyes didn’t they!

So why are they doing this, other than to drive all Norwegians to the brink of throwing themselves into a fjord. (fjords are what we English-speaking people call steep cliffs made from glaciers) Why Norwegians don’t call them cliffs is beyond me. Possibly just to piss us Americans off by trying to spell that word or to lure tourists to their country so they can experience a fjord moment. My guess anyhow.

They’re doing this in an attempt to break the knitting world record. Which most, if not all of us, were just waiting to appear on television.

a

Gawd….the excitement of it all

So, knitting fans, for five hours you can sit in front of a TV and watch a bunch of people furiously knit their hearts out, possibly with some great knitting dialogue like, “Son-of- a-bitch, I missed a damn stitch.”  Really thrilling.

m

Where the Four Seasons got their idea for their hit song

The “NRK” network says the November 1st broadcast will be preceded by a four-hour documentary on that getting wool off of a sheep’s back process. My theory is, if it takes four hours to get wool off of a sheep’s back and four hours to patiently watch it on a documentary AND you’re actually gonna watch it……you need to get yourself a freakin’ life pal.

w

The salesman at the yarn store knew there was a sucker born every minute

Now if you think Norwegians are the only ones into sheep wool shearing stuff and knitting, consider that in Australia they have set a record of 4 hours and 50 minutes of knitting and wooling and messing around with sheep.

(NOTE) When visiting Norway and Australia bring an ample supply of “No-Doze” medication and lots of action DVD movies from home)

So you’re saying to yourself, ” But Misfit, I’m into knitting and this sounds really exciting to me. Are there any other such thrilling programs in Norway too.”

Why yes, I’m glad you asked that question. Start packing your bags before you miss this years edition of Norway’s live coverage of the minute-by-minute salmon fishing event. Yep, five days of live TV from a cruise ship and several hours of watching a fire burn itself out and perhaps even catching a glimpse of an actual salmon. Oh joy.

m

S**T Maxine….It’s S**T for cripes sake!

Now if this kind of television programming takes off and sponsors, those people who give us those wonderful entertaining commercials that we all just love, see that there are big bucks to be made in knitting and salmon watching programs, I think we’re basically screwed.

Because I see other events on the horizon here in America. Remember…..all it took was one single reality TV show to get the ball rolling and look what we wound up with…..”Honey Freakin’ Boo Boo.”  Just to name one.

Don’t laugh. If it’s going to bring in a buck, sponsors will jump at the opportunity to hawk their products if viewers are enticed into watching inane television.

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Is there a jock strap part?

“The Funeral Channel.” Yes folks, watch three exciting hours of mourners filing pass the casket of the deceased with touching comments from those paying their respects.

“Oh my Harold, look at Marvin, he looks so natural.”

“NATURAL!!! Gladys….for cripes sakes, he’s dead!”  At which point the crowd of mourners gasps and the TV camera zooms in on Marvin’s widow checking her husbands bank account on her iPad.

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Sponsored by the Diggem & Burryman Mortuary

“The Bathroom Channel.” Hours on end of hidden cameras in public bathrooms catching those intimate moments of heartbreak with such classic lines as that famous one, “There I sat broken-hearted, I tried to poop but only farted.” (audience applauds when an actual poop occurs)

Yes, you knew I was going to touch on this one. “The Viagra Channel.” Presently there are a number of advertisements for reptile dysfunction…um….sorry, that’s “erectile dysfunction,” medications, so why not have a complete reality show which will highlight the trials and tribulations of getting it up.

“George….did you take your erectile dysfunction medication so we can be ready by the time the TV crew gets here?”

“Yes dear, any second now I should be able to utter that famous line from the Frankenstein movie.”

“What line dear?”

“IT’S ALIVEEEEE……..IT’S ALIVE I TELL YOU!”

m

So much for cozy yarn sex

So ya see, it’s time to really be concerned that those Norwegians are possibly starting something that eventually is going to effect all of us TV viewers here in America.

And there’s possibly nothing we can do to stop it.

We’re doomed I tell ya….doomed!!!!

Unless……unless…..we can all band together and hire some sheep hit man named Lars or Sven to kidnap all of the sheep in Norway prior to that program and hold them all hostage until they meet our demands. Which would be to scrap the knitting program stuff and give us some top-notch programming. Or the sheep get it.

Baa….baa….Norway. Take that and stick it down your fjords.

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Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

(NOTE) No sheep were harmed in the filming of this documentary.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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4 Responses to WTF Is Going On In Norway? Or….am I just “knit-picking?”

  1. I’m surprised you don’t know what a fjord is. 😛 In any case, I might check this thing out. I’m a big fan of slow tv. 🙂

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