Old MacDonald Has A Dating Service…Eee-yi-eee-yi-oh

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Oops….sorry…..wrote this blog before this happened.

As I recall that Old MacDonald tune, it went something like this:

“Old MacDonald had a farm, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
And on this farm he had a cow, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
With a moo moo here and a moo moo there
Here a moo, there a moo, everywhere a moo moo
Old MacDonald had a farm, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh”

Old MacDonald had a farm like pigs!

Old MacDonald had a farm, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
And on this farm he had a pig, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
With an oink, oink here and an oink, oink there
Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink, oink
Old MacDonald had a farm, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh”farm11

Now, after many a morning of slopping with those pigs and getting cow eyed looks, from the cows, Old MacDonald has just about had it with those freakin’ animals.

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Not to mention the lame jokes MacDonald had to endure every night after feeding time

You just can’t spend all of your time with animals and expect to have a meaningful relationship with anyone. So….what to do?

Other than get verrrrry cozy with a sheep.

Hark!  Help is on the barn horizon. A dating service for farmers. YES!header_logo

Yep, I think we all knew it was just a matter of time  before we stated to see dating services for just about anyone. There’s “eHarmony” for people who have a hard time harmonizing. “Christian Mingle” for Christians who want to mingle.

And now “FarmersOnly.com” for farmers who are tired of spending a lot of their lonely nights with animals. Maybe even a pig or two.

The motto of this site is, “City Folks Just Don’t Get it.”  “It,” which we city folks likely don’t get, would be the aroma of fresh manure and chicken poop when ya date a farmer. My guess anyhow.

If you go to “FarmersOnly.com” and register, I’m not quite sure if you have to be a bona fide farmer. Like maybe having to send in photos of you milking a cow, shearing a sheep, or spending time with a pig.

Maybe just a photo of yourself standing in front of a barn or silo in your farmer’s overalls might suffice. Or holding a pitchfork like this lovely couple who I’m sure met on line.

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Sharon and Ozzie MacDonald

But exactly how do you come up with a catchy profile so that other farmers searching for that perfect companion will notice you. (I’m assuming that “other” farmers are of the female sex) Then again…um…..who the hell knows what goes on behind closed barn doors.

n

Farmers in need of female companionship…..other than female cows that is

Let’s see. How about:

“Chicken farmer in Kentucky ready to feather his nest with the right woman. Cock-a-doodle-do and you too will give me new meaning to laying….other than eggs. Very familiar with chicken breasts, legs and thighs and prefer a plump sort of woman. Respond to F. Perdue via FarmersOnly.com.”

Or, “Potato farmer in Idaho has eyes out for a perfect French fry. Meaning my preferences are for a French woman who can spend all of her time with me as her one and only spud…um….stud. Contact Ralph O. Ida.”

“Udderly lonesome farmer from Maine, milk drinker, willing to mooooove to wherever you are to carry on a long and lasting relationship just cud-ling on the sofa. Have an ample supply of grass for those nights when we want to get a bit high and frisky. Send reply to Harry Bossie.”

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One of the many drawbacks of dating a farmer

Ya gotta admit those are catchy ads. Surely to attract all sorts of animals..um….female respondents of the human kind.

n

So far the only dating responses he got from his ad were from animals on his farm

Of course farmers placing ads would have to be verrrry careful to sort out the good responses from the bad responses. Can’t be too cautious ya know.

I for one, if I were a farmer, would be very cautious if receiving a reply from a pig farmer. You know the reputation pigs have.

Yes, I know, pigs do get a bad rap. And there are a lot of reformed pigs out there.

Now for the most part, when you think of farmers, you tend to think of them as being males. But there are women farmers as well. So the “FarmersOnly” dating site is open to both sexes. That stereotype of “male only” farmers comes from “Old MacDonald” because he was really the only famous farmer due to his many years of performing that “eee-yi-eee-yi-oh” song in concert’s across America.

Word has it that with this new dating service for farmers taking to the air waves with all sorts of TV advertising, he may come out of retirement and do that, “eee-yi-eee-yi-oh” tune in their new TV commercial. Perhaps you can pick it up on your iPod or Smartphone.

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The iPod/Smartphone app was a failure in Switzerland however

Those ads may go something like: like:

“Old MacDonald had a farm, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
And on this farm he had a woman, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh
With an oooo oooo here and an oooo oooo there
Here an oooo, there an OMG! everywhere an OMG!  OMG!
Old MacDonald had a woman, eee-yi-eee-yi-oh”

“Yes friends, you too can have the woman of your dreams by simply joining “FarmersOnly.com” and you’ll be screaming “oooo oooo here, oooo oooo there,” too with a few OMG’s thrown in as well.”

(DISCLAIMER) No animals were abused or forced into participating simulated relationships with regard to this commercial.

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The original Old MacDonald who might have been the inspiration for this new dating site.

Tune in tomorrow folks when we’ll look into the possibility of yet another dating service.

The, “I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Dating Service.com.”

The dating service for people who don’t need a dating service because they all have enough brains to know that if ya can’t score a date without a dating service chances are ya might be a freakin’ loser.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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