It’s true. Cinderella is getting a makeover…a biggggg makeover. Like in big boobs. Or, just the fact that she has boobs. Walt Disney where are ya when we need ya?
No sireee, you’d never see boobs on Cinderella if ol Walt were still around. We all know cartoon characters do not have, or, are allowed to have boobs. Um, with the exception of Jessica Rabbit. Maybe Betty Boop too. But, Jessica has it all over Betty as far as boobs go.
Anyhow, a new Disney makeover of Cinderella, starring Lily James as Cinderella, will be hitting the big screen soon, along with her boobs hitting the big screen as well, in this classic remake of the favorite animated character.
Lily James, (no relation to Harry James, Joni James, Rick James or Jesse James) is best known as Lady Rose MacClare on “Downtown Abbey,” and, according to “Movie Talk,” has flowing blonde hair and wears a dress that resembles Cinderella’s ball gown.
Cindy’s, (Cinderella for short) outfit also shows off some, (gasp) CLEAVAGE! Yes! Cleavage, which we all know actually existed back in the days of innocent Walt Disney cartoons but were surpressed, (the boobs) because otherwise there would be sex in cartoons and that would have eventually led to a congressional investigation.
Like why were those seven dwarfs living in the forest with Snow White, obviously being held against her will, and Gawd knows what else was going on.
Me thinkith that there’s going to be boobs aboundith in this new version of Cinderella. Only because her stepmother will be played by Cate Blanchett, who was never a cartoon character, but, who also has boobs, and perhaps even cleavage.
So what’s the storyline here….beside heaving throbbing boobs?
Ella, as they call her, is innocently riding through the woods when a big bad wolf suddenly appears and whips out his…um….no, sorry, that’s another fairy tale. Sorry.
Ella is riding though the forest when she meets a handsome stranger who she believes is employed at the nearby Royal Palace. (formally owned by Donald Trump) As it turns out, he’s really Prince Charming, (which most Prince’s are) played by Richard Madden of “Game of Thrones, (which has nothing to do with bathrooms) and this all puts a different spin on the romance and the story.
The ol mean-spirited stepmother and rotten no goodnick step sisters are in this version and they do still try to prevent her from attending the ball at the Palace, even though she bought tickets earlier through “Ticketmaster.” Which, by the way were non refundable, which obviously adds a little suspense to the story.
Enter the Fairy Godmudder, (Helena Bonham Carter) who initially was an elderly beggar woman, but actually IS the Fairy Godmudder.
(The Fairy Godmudder is related the Godfadder but not involved in Mafia or fairy activities)
Considering only elderly woman can be Fairy Godmudders Cinderella should have had a clue as to who she was dealing with, but, alas, then where would the suspense be. Other than when Cinderella tried to get a refund on those ball tickets.
You’ll have to wait a bit to see the actual remake as the movie is not scheduled for release until March 13, 2015. This I assume is due to the fact that when Cinderella had her breast enhancement procedure they wanted to make sure no scars were visible. My guess anyhow.
This remake also opens the door to other classic fairy tale cleavage.
Little Red Riding Hood dressed in a red leather outfit. Yes, the wolf sporting a bigggggg whip. Meanwhile grandma in a sexy negligee just to make it a bit interesting when the wolf enters her bedroom and the Red Riding Hood comes a knockin’ at her door.
(scene: Red Riding Hood enters granny’s bedroom)
“Granny….what big eyes you have!”
“Oh, sorry dear, but all the better to ogle you with.”
“But granny, what big ears you have!”
“All the better to hear you moan honeeee….um……dear.”
“But granny, you, you……you have four feet sticking out from under the sheets?”
“Ah screw it Red, the gigs up. Me and the wolf, and boy is he reallly bad, heh heh, are gettin’ it on. Sorry honey, just leave the basket and tell your mother to have you call me first before you decide to just pop in.”
(NOTE) Send letter to Disney about a remake of Little Red Riding Hood. Pamela Anderson as Red. Raquel Welch as granny. Fabio as the wolf.
Next remakes. Nursery rhymes.
Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner, eating a pumpkin pie.
He stuck in his thumb, pulled out a plum, and said, “WTF is a plum doing in a pumpkin pie?”
Tie this in with A CSI Investigation program and we’ve got yet another venue for a remake.
Gawd I’m brilliant.
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