“Eye Candy” usually refers to a hot babe that you ogle over. Example: You know those female NFL cheerleaders dressed in skimpy outfits, or, as one sports announcer put it recently when referring to “Boston Red Sox” color reporter, Jenny Dell, “she’s eye candy,” meaning, of course, if women were candy, damn! we’d be eating them.
I know what you’re thinking you damn perverts…….FORGET IT……THIS is about CANDY for cripes sake.
Because, as we all know, men are basically perverts and any chance we get to associate sex with something we jump at.
Which brings us to a new candy store which not only will give you oodles of candy, over 8,000 varieties, but, eye-catching candy with a resemblance to “Victoria’s Secret” models as well as some well know celebrities. YUM!
The new store is called “IT’SUGAR” and according to this news report by “ABC News Nightline,” would warm the cockles of New York Mayor Bloomberg’s calorie conscious heart. Perhaps yet another crusade for the Mayor to take on to protect us from the evils of eating calorie stuffed candy thus preventing us from becoming a bunch of fat but happy slugs.
I say, “Bring on the candy and stuff it in my mouth now cause I don’t give a “f**k how freakin’ overweight I am. I NEED DAMN CHOCOLATE!!!!”
Ok, ok, I’m a chocolate addict. I freely admit it. And I would go absolutely nutso in that new store. Ya might have to drag me out bodily as I lunge at a cutout of Katie Perry adorned with gummy bears or M&M’s. (you can image what part of Katie’s M&M adorned body I’d lunge at first)
Each “IT’SUGAR” store contains over 8,000 different edibles, (excluding the mannequins) for sale in each store, ranging from the old-fashioned standbys to random Japanese fruit candy to 26 super sized versions of those all-time favorite sweets such as “Nerds.” Which would absolutely make Mayor Bloomberg go ballistic due to the fact that “Nerds” (the candy and not an actual nerd) contain 3,120 calories.
Which, is the equivalent of eating six Big Macs. Or hanging out with a bunch of nerds who would actually eat six Big Macs.
The brainchild of “IT’SUGAR,” Jeff Rubin, says that, “There are two ways to play it. You could just disguise it, or it’s what it is….it’sugar.”
And we all know what chocolate and sugar say to us………
But Rubin says that, “I don’t believe that “IT’SUGAR” stands for giving huge amounts of sugar to children.” With regard to First Lady Michelle Obama’s fight against obesity.
“But if that child wants to have a few gummy bears or wants to have something while he watches a movie, he can have a little box or Raisinets, then he should be entitled to that and have fun. There’s nothing wrong with candy. It’s not a bad word.”
Exactly! Candy is NOT a bad word. F**k IS a bad word. And ya don’t eat that do ya. Well, um….only because f**k is NOT a candy. BUT….if it were, we’d probably eat it. So….WTF!
Even celebrities are jumping aboard the candy bandwagon with tennis player Maria Sharapova having her own line of tennis balls. Um, no, sorry, that’s not right….but it sure sounds tasty doesn’t it.
Her actual candy line is called, “Sugarpova Gumballs,” which I was almost correct on, just a ball or two off. And then there’s the possibility that Katie Perry might be also pitching the “IT’SUGAR” candy line. Possibly something like, “Katie Perry Chocolate Covered Pointy Boob Balls.” Kinda catchy don’t ya think.
Damn….I’d be scarfing those things down…..two at a time.
I couldn’t quite nail down where the latest “IT’SUGAR” is opening in two days, but I’m assuming it’s in New York City. They expect to have 60 stores up and running by the end of this year and over 100 by the end of next year. My guess would simply be to keep your eyes open for a bunch of really overweight people exiting a store in your neighborhood with chocolate all over their faces.
Or guys wearing heavy overcoats and sunglasses who figure that they will not only get their candy fix but jollies as well ogling the mannequins dressed up in various skimpy candy outfits as well. Kinda like a two for one ogle.
Yes….the, once again, “Eat Me” line comes to mind. But…..it’s nothing new when you think about it. After all, wasn’t that line also seen in “Alice In Wonderland” too.
Yep, all us kids in the movie theater were laughing our butts off when Alice picked up that pice of candy that said, “Eat Me.”
Some things never get old.
Like that line.
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