You might not want to take a, “Midnight Train To Georgia,” on one of those “Rainy Nights In Georgia,” because you had, “Sweet Georgia Brown,” (or the Harlem Globetrotters) on your mind, or because, “The Devil Went Down To Georgia,” so you’d thought you’d give it a shot, until you read that story about, ‘The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia,” and realized that it was due to a bunch of tiny South American “crazy ants.”
Yes, I know that some people still pronounce “aunt” as “ant” but this has nothing to do with “aunts” but more to do with ants. Unless you have one of those tiny ant farms in your apartment to keep you company and you’ve given them all names as well as feeling kind of family connected to all of them.
So what’s the problem down there in Georgia? (Up there if you’re in Florida)
Well it seems that these tiny South American crazy ants, commonly known as “Nylanderia Fulva,” to South Americans I guess, because we here in the states just call them freakin’ ants, have invaded parts of Georgia and causing a lot of problems.
Besides getting them in your pants when you’re out lying on the grass sunning yourself somewhere.
They seem to like electrical outlets, electronic devices and the innards of computers, which I have long suspected due to the number of times my computer freezes when I’m eating anything with sugar on it.
James Morgan, (no relation to Rex Morgan M.D.) who is an agricultural extension expert with the University of Georgia, says, “When they’re in the house they can get into wall sockets and short-circuit things.”
Most likely because they, as the story indicated, “are crazy” little mother*****rs and have no common sense. Or, they’re just stupid. Or, they’re into electronics and that’s where the next alien threat is coming from.
(NOTE) Send a letter off to Homeland Security as soon as I finish writing today’s blog and warn them of this impending alien threat.
These terrorist ants were first discovered in the United States in Texas back in 2002. Since then, they appear to have been moving eastward across the south. You may have spotted a bunch of tiny moving vans if you were travelling in that area between 2002 and today.
Morgan went on to say that they got their name, “crazy ants” from listening to Neil Young and his backup group, “Crazy Horse” while sitting around a campfire many years ago while in Texas. You know how that Neil Young music makes ya wanna do crazy stuff. Not necessarily with horses.
Um….no, that’s not actually true, but it WAS one of my theories. Actually they got their name “crazy ants” because they “sort of crawl around erratically” according to Morgan. Which is never a good thing if you’re an ant and get stopped for driving while intoxicated.
Of course you could always hire an ant exterminatior.
But, if it’s any consolation, Joe MacGown, research technician for the Mississippi Entomology Museum, (entomology is the scientific study of insects usually done by people who really don’t have any life to speak of or any social skills at all) says that crazy ants aren’t as bad as those stinkin’ red fire roasted ants….um….sorry, that’s “red fire ants” that build large mounds, (not Almond Joy) and can inflict painful stings. The crazy ant does not do any of that stuff.
It’s just freakin’ crazy and most likely doesn’t know how to build large ant mounds. Which could be the reason they sort of crawl around erratically. Similar to a drunk who can’t find his way home.
HEY! If you’re drunk and can’t find your way home, or crazy and can’t even build a damn mound, no wonder they call ya “crazy ants.” Along with crazy drunks. Who most likely after getting completely stoned on Jack Daniels wind up in some Georgia alley somewhere passed out with a bunch of crazy ants crawling all over him searching for a home.
Makes sense to me. Especially if that drunk has an iPhone. They DO love electronics.
MacGown went on to point out that these ants have super high numbers, as in super high colonies. Meaning that “Holy Crap…look at all them freakin’ ants Martha!”
“They call them super ant colonies.” (as distinguished by the “S” on their little chests) “You’re talking about massive populations, (similar to retirement colonies in Florida) and they can affect other wildlife, even small birds and lizards. They just eat everything.”
Um, WAIT! not to panic. These ants right now are just in Georgia and that’s where they’re having that problem. So I wouldn’t be too much concerned if you live anywhere else.
Unless you ARE in Georgia and you’re just reading this blog and finding out about those ants and you’ve been hearing crunching sounds coming from your HDTV and iPad and vibrator.
Then my suggestion to you would be……………….
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