Sooooo, What Happens If The Government Shuts Down? OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!

d

Damn! Just when I was set to take a tour of Bill Clinton’s closet too.

Actually, if the government shuts down nothing really earth shattering happens. It just sounds like it’s earth shattering because that’s what politicians want you to think.

It’s not like they shut all the lights in Washington off, put out the cat, and lock the door. Nope. Stuff still happens. Like Social Security checks still go out. Troops will remain at their posts guarding posts, or 2 by 4’s if that’s what they’re made of. Doctors will get their usual checks from Medicare and Medicaid lest they not be able to pay their golf club dues. And the FBI, Border Patrol and the Coast Guard will stay open so that they can all do whatever it is they do on a daily basis.

Which is the FBI….cracking down on terrorist pot users. The Border Patrol….making sure that when you type letters to your Congressmen that your borders are even on your letters. And the Coast Guard….making sure the coast is clear if you’re fooling around with someone elses spouse.

m

As David Copperfield would say, “A slight of the hand trick.”

From The Huffington Post 9/20:

“WASHINGTON — Ignoring the wishes of the White House and the Senate, the House of Representatives passed a stopgap funding bill Friday that will shut down the government unless Democrats agree to defund President Barack Obama’s marquee health care law.

While the House voted 230 to 189 to pass the measure that Democrats have called unacceptable, Republicans insisted their bill does nothing to shutter the federal government.

“It simply keeps the lights on in our government,” says Rep. Hal Rogers R-KY.) Chairman of the House Appropriations Committee.”

Jussst in case a bunch of Girl Scouts come knocking on the government’s door selling cookies.

m

Oops….maybe not

But, the Washington Monument will be closed.

RATS! Um….wait a sec. The Washington Monument would be closed anyhow because they still haven’t repaired it since the earthquake back in 2011. The “other” Washington Monument will remain open however. Just as a reminder of what Congress thinks about us.

m

Cept for this one….which is ALWAYS open

If you’re worried about those transportation security scanning people at airports not being able to feel you up because of a government shutdown. Not to worry. Those perverts would not be affected.

So what is it exactly that this threatened shutdown will mean to us? What is it exactly that actually will be shutdown?

HAH! Museums and National Parks would be shut down. OMG! How the f**k am I gonna survive without my museums and national parks. Now I’m really worried.

m

Um, can I at least have my iPod and iPhone

But, according to the AP news story, there is a far bigger danger. The government could run out of money by late October or early November and be unable to pay all of its bills in full and on time for the first time in history.

This means that their cable TV service would be shut off. No more watching “Dancing With The Stars” or (gasp) seeing the news reports of them shutting down the government on CNN and FOX. No more perks like discount “Twinkies” in the Capital cafeteria. No more “intern” perks such as in the Clinton administration. And nothing in their “Capital One” pre-loaded debit/charge card funded by the taxpayers wallet.

Well, um, maybe interns perks because they either work for free to gain experience on how to shut down the government if they ever run for office, or actually get paid a pittance to see how politicians actually do not do any actual work. BUT….I’m sure if one of them got their clothes soiled, as in the Clinton intern soil scandal, government funds would not be available to take those clothes to the cleaners.

Which means that EVERY congressman would have to be verrrrry careful. If ya catch my drift here.

p

PULL THE TRIGGER!!!  PULL THE TRIGGER!!

Basically what this government shutdown means is that it’s not really a government shutdown but is made to look like a government shutdown so that we peons actually think it’s a government shutdown so that we’ll all panic and think that the world is coming to an end and send money to our congressmen so that they can keep the government running. My thought anyhow.

But the bottom line here is that the Tea Potty and a few ultra conservatives want to shut the government down because they’re all pissed off that Obamacare will take effect on October 1st and are stomping their feet mad.

After all, they’ve already voted 43 or 44 times to repeal Obamacare and are pissed off that they haven’t been able to accomplish that repeal yet so the next best thing to do is shut down the government so that Obamacare can’t be funded…and…..they won’t have to take another useless vote to defund it.

It’s called the Na Na Na Na Na Na ploy. Similar to saying that your mother wears combat boots. Which, when you think about it, with women in the service now, is really a possibility.

M

Alice. Call home immediately. And bring some coffee.

Worst case scenario. If the government actually runs out of cash, which it could do, considering we gave all of this years $3 million dollars in cash to Pakistan, and another $1 million to Egypt and so on and so on, then a default might occur.

So what could happen is that if the impasse continues through November, a lot of payments due of November 1st, including $25 billion in Social Security benefits, would, at the least, be delayed by two weeks.

So people who depend on Social Security would have to either eat bread and water to survive, unlike congressmen who would have to survive on steak and potatoes, or we could call Pakistan or Egypt and ask if we could all borrow a few bucks of the money that we lent them in the first place.

And you know how much Pakistan and Egypt care about us. So I’m quite sure they’ll fork over a few bucks.

m

Hey! At least we’ll all lose a few pounds without Jenny Craig

I’m personally not too concerned about a government shutdown. I have an ace in the hole. A free coffee and donut at my local casino every morning. So TAKE THAT CONGRESS!!! Go ahead, shut down the freakin’ government, see if I give a rats ass.

But if you do, I can’t be responsible for all the others out there who know all of you are a bunch of idiotic a**holes who do not give a rats ass about anyone except yourselves and will let you know how they feel in the next mid-term elections.

It’s either that, or we all move to Pakistan and Egypt where I hear they’re rolling in dough and there’s no sign they will ever have to shut down their governments. Just a few over throwing of their governments here and there, but nothing really to worry about. After all, we’ll still send them money we don’t need.

Thanks to our congressmen in Washington who give $3 million dollars and more to them every year………………………..

So they’d have an excuse to shut down the government and defund Obamacare.

Go figure.

P.S.. Your congressmen STILL get paid during a government shutdown.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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