There aren’t too many jobs I’d consider doing these days considering I’m just about tapped out when it comes to actually working. Enough of getting up at 6am, commuting off to work, doing some inane job that requires the intelligence of a snail, and then having to put up with idiotic bosses who are only in that position because they’re suck ups or just plain a**holes and the company doesn’t know what else to do with them.
However, there IS a job that anyone with half a brain could qualify for and make $10,000 doing it. Even a**holes who are bosses.
NASA, according to “Yahoo’s Shine,” and reporter Elise Sole, reports that the space agency is looking for a**hole bosses to man a space capsule that will launch from Cape Kennedy for a one way trip to Uranus.
Actually, that’s not true, but it sounded good to me. Having worked for a number of those types of bosses.
What NASA is actually looking for is people to volunteer to sleep in bed for two months at NASA’s “Johnson Space Center” in Houston, Texas. The study will determine the effects of “microgravity” on the human body.
Microgravity is a very small force of gravity that makes astronauts bounce around weightless in space. It’s also the state of the body when it’s in free fall. And since astronauts spend months at a time in space, scientists are continually studying how microgravity affects the human body.
Like how do you actually poop in outer space? My thought anyhow.
There was no mention in this story as to the possibility of couples volunteering for this program. Which I think should be included. If only to determine the effects of having sex in outer space. Such as, how do you insert part A into part B if you’re both floating around all over the place?
“Oooooooo baybee. We’ve been up her in space for two days now. What say we get it on considering all of our experiments are done for the day.”
“Alright dear…..come on over and let’s get in on.”
“Um, where the hell are ya?”
“Up here honeeee. On the ceiling.”
“Oh…you devil you….hold on, I’m floating up to you. Ok….now turn a bit to the left, yeah, about 20 degrees, yeah that’s it.”
“Oops, sorry honey, wait a sec, ok, how’s this.”
“Nope, that ain’t gonna work. I just stuck my doo dad into one of those oxygen tank hoses….damn! Ok…ok…..hold on to that light socket up there a sec and I’ll float right on up to ya.”
“Ohhhhh dear, are you alright honey?”
“Um…..yeah, but I think we’d better forget about sex for now.
So ya see, it might not be that easy to have sex in a weightless environment, which NASA really should be conducting research on. After all, if some day we’re all gonna be able to make regular trips into space and during those long space nights decide to monkey around, they damn well better perfect THAT experiment.
But, for now, they just want you to sleep. Which is great for slugs like myself who never get enough sleep. I could do that with no problem. BUT…..I might not be willing to give up having sex for two months.
Hmmmmm. But, $10,000 is a lot of cash to pass up on that deal.
What to do?
Well, I could volunteer my other half for that experiment. She sure as hell can go two months without sex.
Um….Wait! That would mean either way I’d go without sex too. Damn!
Guess that’s not an option for me.
But, if any of you don’t give a rats ass about having sex and love to sleep, then WTF….go for it.
Now the experiment is twofold. First participants, (guinea pigs) are screened for health, you must be between the ages of 24 and 55 and can’t smoke, take medications, use hormones, or be pregnant or menopausal……um……..
Cripes….no wonder its hard to get people to volunteer for that experiment. Who doesn’t smoke after sex? Or is on some kinda hormone, is pregnant or on some kinda medication. With the exception of being pregnant, that’s my entire life!
So after you’re screened you’re moved to the Johnson Space Center, (named after former President Lyndon B. Johnson who had a lot of space) for two weeks where you will carry out daily activities so that those wacko scientists can observe your body in normal conditions.
Then they most likely post naked photos of you on Facebook. You know how weird some scientists are. After all, who knows what drugs they’ve been into.
Then they move you to NASA’s Flight Analogs Research Unit at the University of Texas Medical Branch in Galveston, Texas where you will then lie in bed for 70 freakin’ days with your body positioned so that it’s tilted down, (head lower than feet) which mimics the physiological effects of microgravity.
Then if that wasn’t enough, comes the recovery period. For two-weeks they watch you as you move around the facility and resume normal activity. If you’re not nuts by then.
So, if this sounds like your kinda thing, you can sign up and sleep your hours and days away.
Um, just one more thing. I think I should mention that during this quite simple test there are some minor things you should know. Nothing really to worry about. Um, just that there are some, again, “minor” things.
Like due to the lack of gravity, distributing fluids throughout your body may cause bloating. Some people may tend to grow slightly taller because their spines are no longer compressed by gravity, which is great if you’re a short person. And bones lose density and may become brittle from lack of use.
Not good if you get a boner in space.
So basically you’re gonna look bloated, but be a lot taller, but be relegated to crawling on the floor because your bones are either compressed or broken. BUT….you do get $10,000 if you’re sill alive after all that.
So, if you’re interested you might want to give NASA a call and get on board.
Especially if you already have a bloating problem, (farting a lot could be a clue) you tend to break your bones anyhow by doing simple ordinary things, and you’re really short and are tired of looking up at tall people.
Otherwise, if you’re a healthy person you might wanna ask yourself if going through all that is worth $10,000 if you’re going to be a piece of spaghetti by the time those scientists are done with you.
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