Ok, I’m always looking for the fastest way to get from point A to point B. Which is why I usually take the Interstate so that I can do 65 MPH when I go to the store to buy a loaf of bread. 10 minutes tops. Hey! Why should I waste time driving on those back roads doing 25 MPH and dodging old ladies with canes out for a walk and stupid slow school busses that stop every 3 feet.
Nope, give me the fastest way to get from one place to another and I’m a happy camper. Especially if it’s gonna be faster and saves me a few bucks on gas.
Which is why I was kind of excited to read about this next innovative mode of transportation envisioned by billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk. (yes, I know his name sounds like a new cologne for men, but that’s really his name)
So, Mr. Musk has this really great idea on how to cut down travel time between Los Angeles and San Francisco, a 400-mile trip, to just a half hour. YES! Travel 400 miles in just a half an hour! Holy Batman! How freakin’ neat is that!
Soooooo. Um, how does he plan to accomplish this?
Well, it’s like this. You know those pneumatic tubes that are used to send stuff through in? Yeah, like the ones they still use at bank drive through windows. Yep…those kind. Almost similar to the concept below:
Well, Mr. Musk figured that if it works that great for stuff you shove into those tubes and it gets to where it’s going in one piece and in seconds flat, hey, why not make a bigger tube and put people in it and send them on their way as well. Say like from Los Angeles to San Francisco in just a half hour.
So I’m thinking to myself, hmmmm……what exactly does this involve?
Well, according to the article on this capsule thingy, it would float on a thin cushion of air and draw on magnetic attraction and solar power to zoom through a nearly air-free tube. And because there would be so little wind resistance, they could top 700 mph and make the 400-mile trip in a half hour.
Now the key words here as far as I’m concerned is “zoom” and “air free.”
Do I really wanna be shoved into a capsule doing 700 mph that’s gonna zoom me to San Francisco in an air free container?
Which may give new meaning to Tony Bennett’s old song of, “I Left Some Of My Body Parts In San Francisco.”
Cripes. Airlines have barf bags for people who can’t handle flying as it is. What the hell are they gonna hand out to people in those capsules going 700 mph? Body bags perhaps.
So far there’s been no lack of enthusiasm for Musk’s plan.
“Yeah Elon, ahm all excited about yer plan to strap me into a claustrophobic capsule, shoot my butt down some long tube at 700 mph and see if I make it there in one whole piece…..sure sounds exciting to me!”
But maybe not for a lot of us who have fear of flying phobias as it is, and have to be severely drugged before we get on to a plane. Me for one.
I have problems with trying to understand the concept of a gazillion tons of metal flying at 30,000 feet. I have problems enough worrying about elevators, let alone why metal should be floating at 30,000 feet. So how do ya think I’m gonna feel about being strapped into a freakin’ capsule doing 700 mph from one place to another.
No way Jose……or San Jose.
AND…..I’m assuming because it’s an air-free environment that you must have to wear oxygen masks or something, and be strapped into your seat, otherwise you’ll be splattered against a wall or something, or worse, find yourself on someone elses lap in an uncompromising position.
Worse…..suppose you have to go to the bathroom. Then what? Is poop going to be travelling with you in that capsule at 700 mph too? Maybe along with a few ham sandwiches and some iPhones.
Anybody got a “Glade” air freshener?
Right now this is all in the planning stages. And Musk is presently working on something more viable at this point in time. Which is a luxury electric car. Which I assume does not do 700 mph and requires you to be strapped into a tube.
I, myself, have been experimenting with my own innovative transportation system. (pictured below) Once perfected I see me making millions on this idea as well as solving the homeless cat problem.
As far as I’m concerned I don’t think I’d ever have the need to travel 700 mph to get anywhere. Unless……I really had to go to the bathroom. Which happens on occasion.
I think, rather than offering the option to strap yourself into a pneumatic tube doing 700 mph just to get from Los Angles to San Francisco, Mr. Mush, (which is what his name should be because that’s what this idea is and what your brain would be doing 700 mph) would be better off concentrating his effort on how to get to a restroom quickly on the Interstate when nature calls.
THEN….I’d seriously consider doing 700 mph to get there rather than poop in my pants.
I think we’ve all been there haven’t we.
Which also raises the question: Why is it Detroit hasn’t developed a potty seat in automobiles?
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