I was once again toiling my mind, as toiling goes, as to what subject I’d take apart and destroy on today’s MisfitWisdom blog. Nothing struck me as humorous enough to spend any time on.
So, to let my feeble mind dwell on what to write about, I jumped into my truck and went to a local store just to kill time. On the way back I happened to notice about 12 to 20 blackbirds in a pie. Um…no….actually it was 12 to 20 Canadian Geese doing whatever Canadian Geese do alongside the highway. Eating stuff I guess.
Which then kick started my brain. “Hah! Canadian geese! Canada! Ted Cruz! Tom Cruise! Birthers!” Although Tom Cruise has nothing to do with Canadian Geese, Canada or birthers. But, ya can’t think of Ted Cruz without thinking of Tom Cruise. That’s how my brain works.
It’s like this if you’ve been following the news. Senator Ted Cruz (R) Texas discovered that, “Holy crap, I was born in Canada and if I was born in Canada does that mean I can’t legitimately run for the office of the President of the Yew-nited States?” OMG!
What to do?
Um…..how about I renounce my Canadian citizenship? Yeah, that’s it, I’ll renounce my Canadian citizenship and just keep my U.S. citizenship and that will make it all go away and I can run for President in 2016. Screw my allegiance to those damn Canadian Geese. All they do is crap all over your lawn anyhow. Bastards.
Soooo. I’m thinking to myself, as I do on many occasions because no one else who knows me will spend any amount of time talking to me, except my other half, and only for a few minutes at a time, I said to myself, “Hey Mousefeet, what’s the difference between Cruz being born in Canada and Obama being born in Hawaii?”
And I went a step further and said to myself, “Um, does this mean the birthers will now take Cruz over the coals?” Most likely not because Cruz was born in Canada while Obama was born in Hawaii and there’s a biggggg difference there.
For one, Hawaii is waaaaaay out there in the Pacific ocean while Canada is actually attached to the United States. So, technically because Cruz was born in Canada and all he had to do was drive to the U.S. and grow up here, that’s ok.
Obama on the other hand had to fly from Hawaii to the U.S. and in the time it took to fly from there to here he may not have actually been a U.S. citizen considering the amount of time it takes to fly from Hawaii to the U.S. thereby negating his citizenship status. After all, it might have only taken Cruz an hour or so, maybe less, to go from Canada to the U.S. Bigggggg difference.
AND…..he stepped right up and released his birth certificate which clearly shows that he was born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in 1970. Which also shows that his mother, an American citizen, was born in Delaware and his father in Cuba. So take that Obama!
Um WAIT! Obama’s mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, (don’t ask, I have no idea why her first name is Stanley) was born in Wichita, Kansas, (near where Dorothy and Toto lived) and his father, Barack Obama Sr. was born in Nyangoma Kogelo, Kenya. President Obama himself was born at Kapiolani Maternity and Gynecological Hospital in Hawaii.
So. Biggggg difference there between Cruz being born in Canada and Obama being born in Hawaii.
For one, Obama did not produce his birth certificate immediately as Cruz has done. Only because nobody, other than birthers gave a rats ass where Obama was born because most of us with a freaking’ brain knew he was born in Hawaii.
BUT….sure made for good comedy reading and made us aware of WTF a birther was.
Secondly, as I said earlier, Canada is attached to the U.S. So WTF does it matter that Cruz was born in Canada? It’s almost a part of the U.S. So what’s the big deal? Isn’t that enough for ya.
The Constitution, (that long piece of legal paper written ages ago by some feeble old guys that most politicians do not pay any attention to unless it serves their purposes) says that in order to run for President of the Yew-nited states you must be, “born in the United States…um….or any piece of land closely attached to the United States, like, say, Canada…..maybe even Mexico.”
No….sorry, that’s not actually what it says. Works for Cruz though. And birthers.
Here’s what it actually says according to a 2011 Congressional Research Service report:
The Constitution does not define the phrase natural-born citizen, and various opinions have been offered over time regarding its precise meaning. A 2011 Congressional Research Service report stated that
The weight of legal and historical authority indicates that the term “natural born” citizen would mean a person who is entitled to U.S. citizenship “by birth” or “at birth”, either by being born “in” the United States and under its jurisdiction, even those born to alien parents; by being born abroad to U.S. citizen-parents; or by being born in other situations meeting legal requirements for U.S. citizenship “at birth”. Such term, however, would not include a person who was not a U.S. citizen by birth or at birth, and who was thus born an “alien” required to go through the legal process of “naturalization” to become a U.S. citizen.“
So that should clear it up for all of you.
Basically if you’re an alien from another planet, BUT, your mother who was a bona fide U.S. Citizen had sex with that alien AND that act took place, say, like in outer space or something, you, the child, would be considered a U.S. Citizen because technically you were born abroad, (outer space I guess….which is REALLY abroad) and therefore and forsooth could be eligible to run for the Presidency.
Might be a minor glitch there depending if your mother immediately returned from outer space and where she chose to live once she returned. Also, who actually issued that birth certificate. Don’t know if birth certificates from other planets count.
So, basically Cruz can run for President. And won’t have to worry about a bunch of crazed birthers demanding to see his birth certificate. Which is the main reason he produced it immediately. And, renounced his Canadian citizenship. And refuses to have any photographs taken of him associating with any Canadian Geese.
Cruz, when asked about all this said, “You know, I think there’s been a lot of silliness on this issue. When this story broke and a lot of these outlets, (news media) ran with it, I joked that it must have been a very, very slow news day.”
As it’s been for the eight years that Obama’s been in office.
Oops….that’s different…….Obama was born in Hawaii.
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