Like I always say, if you’re going to adhere to being politically correct you might as well go off the freakin’ wall and make a complete idiot out of yourself. Which is what officials in Seattle, Washington apparently are trying to achieve.
For that, I’ve awarded the city of Seattle, Washington and New York the most prestigious honor of all. The Misfit Wisdom “Flying Fickle Finger Feather Award.”
Oh geez….how I wish for the days when I could use the word “gay” freely and not have a bunch of guys propose marriage to me. Or, use the term, “ball” and not have some woman accuse me of sexual harassment.
Now in Seattle it’s been determined that the term, “brown bag” is offensive. YES….brown freakin’ bag!
I can no longer pack a lunch in a brown paper bag and not feel that I’ve apparently offended someone. Specifically, according to Seattle’s “Office of Civil Rights,” “brown bag” has been historically used as a way to judge skin color.
WHAT! Or, as I said to myself…….WHAT! Then….WTF!
Soooo. If I carry a “white bag” I’m being offensive to people with white skin. Cripes, what if I carry a beige bag. Is that also offensive to people who fall between the brown and white bag categories. OMG! Now what the hell am I gonna pack a lunch in so that I don’t offend anyone.
Looks like my options are to either scrap those various colored bags or start ripping off those plastic bags at grocery stores to pack my lunch in.
WAIT! Most of those bags are white. OMG! Now what?
Um, perhaps just scrapping my bags altogether and opting to wrap my lunch in “Saran Wrap”or “Reynolds Wrap” and wearing loose-fitting pants that hang below my butt and shove my sandwiches in there.
Which might give new meaning to that old term, “Eat me.”
“Sure pal, hold on whilst I drop my jeans and whip out a sandwich or two.”
KOMO-TV reports that the city’s “Office of Civil Rights” wrote in an internal memo that city workers have been instructed to avoid using the word “brown bag” because some may find them offensive. Along with another despicable word, “citizen.” YES….”citizen” too.
Why “citizen.” Um, possibly because a lot of people are not citizens……my guess. You know how offensive it is if someone calls you a citizen and you’re not one. Bastards.
I was close. Elliott Bronstein, from that Office of Civil Rights says that using the word “citizen,” should be avoided because many people who live in Seattle are residents, and NOT citizens.
He went on to explain, (if this idiot makes any sense to you) that, “They are legal residents of the United States and they are residents of Seattle. They pay taxes and if we use a term like citizens in common use, then it doesn’t include a lot of folks.”
Who, I assume, he means some who are NOT citizens. Which, again I assume, means that if they are not citizens and live in Seattle, then it’s an offensive term. This is soooooo confusing.
Sooooo. Let me see if I can comprehend this. If you’re not a citizen and someone calls you a citizen, you’re basically discriminating against that person and you’re not being sensitive to that persons status as a non citizen which falls into the politically incorrect category.
Furthermore, if you use the term “brown bag,” (white or beige bag, soon to come down the politically correct pike) then you’re being insensitive to people’s skin color. Next it will be animals. Like, none of those “green” recyclable grocery store bags because if may offend lizards or geckos.
Scuse me a sec while I bang my politically correct head against a politically correct tree. (color of tree omitted for sensitivity purposes so as not to offend anyone’s skin color)
So what are they gonna call a “brown bag” in Seattle? Simple…..it will now be referred to as a “lunch-and-learn” bag or “sack lunch.”
“Soooo Marvin, are ya lunch-and-learnin’ today or is that bulge in yer butt your ham and cheese sandwich?”
“Aw knock it off Ralph, you know damn well when my Mrs. packs my lunch in my butt-crack jeans she likes to call it a “sack lunch.”
Now you probably think there are only idiots in Seattle. Not so. In New York, the city’s “Department of Education,” according to the “New York Post,” is avoiding using references to “dinosaurs,” “birthdays,” “Halloween,” and dozens of other topics on city-issued tests because they could evoke “unpleasant emotions” among students.
Dinosaurs for example, according to the Post, may conjure up the topic of evolution, which could rile fundamentalists. (people who have a different opinion about how life began than you but want you to be politically correct and only believe what they preach)
Dinosaurs…OMG!!! OMG!!! Blasphmey…..dinosaurs did not evolve into humans. Only into other dinosaurs. Um…..should we cut them some slack on that point? Only because we haven’t been able to question an actual dinosaur and find out exactly what the hell went on back then.
Birthdays? Well, the theory here is that birthdays are not celebrated by groups like “Jehovah’s Witnesses.” Which is why Jehovah’s Witnesses” never age.
And Halloween. Well, Halloween suggests an affiliation to Paganism. (loosely meaning that you are an idol worshiper if you were to dress up on Halloween as say, Billy Idol)
So let’s have a bigggggg hand for the winners of this month’s “Flying Fickle Finger Feather” award. The City of Seattle, Washington and the New York “Department of Education”
Furthering the politically correct cause in the name of all mankind. Womankind as well.
Be afraid. Be verrrrry afraid my fine feathered fickle friends. Other potential offensive words are comin’ down the old politically correct highway.
“Jiffy Lube” will be banned from using that term because of its sexual overtones.
“Taco Bell,” because it may appear offensive to those who may think its a slur against Mexican telephone companies.
“Piecework,” because it can be taken out of context when people who work in factories doing those assembly jobs might be mistaken for hookers.
“Erector Sets,” those neat toys you build things with could be mistaken for a set of directions on how to get an erection.
And my last one, which I HAD to sneak in here because it’s sooooo politically incorrect and should be banned. “Boobs.”
Why? Because as we all know, at one point or another, some of us have been called a boob, when in fact, that term, used many times by my other half, means “You’re and idiot,” but when used in another context, means a soft cuddly man toy.
Now THAT one I totally agree with.
Either specifically define “boob,” or “boobs,” as a soft set of cuddly man toys, OR, as a guy who’s a complete idiot.
Let’s get with the politically correct program Seattle and New York.
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