Meow…..Or F**K Off…Or….Other Things Your Cat Is Trying To Tell You

cats4

Frustrated cat people, today’s blog is just for you. Personally, Ah feel your pain. Because I have 3 cats and can’t figure out half the time what the hell they’re up to, other than driving me outta my ever lovin’ tree.

However, help is on the way. The good folks at Yahoo’s “Shine” and Sarah B. Weir have given us a video by cat person Nicky Trevorrow explaining just what the hell cats are up to when they do certain things.

m

Cat training school: $5,ooo

First, let’s take a look at the video by Nicky who apparently has cats all figured out. (video courtesy of “catsprotectionuk.”)

http://youtu.be/bvsfB7sf4QU

OK…if you watched that video you have obviously figured out what “meow” means and will no longer have any problems communicating with your cat. However…….suppose Nicky is wrong.

For instance, she said that if your cat is walking around with its tail up it’s greeting you. Because, as we all know, cats cannot shake your hand. BUT….suppose a cat who has their tail up is actually experiencing a case of gas. Hey….you know how difficult it is to let one rip while you’re sitting on your butt without leaning off to one side. So why shouldn’t it be any different for cats. Gotta let a cat fart out….simple….lift your tail. Makes sense to me.cats1

Cat rubbing. Yep, we’ve all seen cats rubbing their bodies all over everything and according to the video, they’re marking territory with their scents. Wouldn’t using magic markers make more sense? My theory is that cats do that rubbing stuff because they’re horny. Men do it….so why not cats.cats2

That “slow blink” that Nicky says is responding to you and that you should slow blink them back. Now how the hell does she know that? Suppose the cat has an eyesight problem or something in its eye. Not much credibility in that explanation. Just to be on the safe side however, ya might wanna take your cat to a certified catthalmologist

When cats have a flattened body, excluding getting run over by a semi in the road, it supposedly means they are stressed. Oh sure Nicky. Do ya see me laying flat all over the place because I’M stressed. Of course not. Most likely cats laying in a flattened body position means cats wanna lay flat in flattened body position. It’s either that or just stand around looking stupid.cats11

Ok, so now another theory that when cats slide and slither they want their tummies rubbed. I can actually agree with Nicky on this one. On many occasions while lying in bed at night I tend to slide and slither when I want MY tummy rubbed. Usually all I ever get is a head bump……from the cat.

n

Similar to a three dog night. (Not the rock group)

If a cat is licking their lips it’s supposed to be a sign of stress. Or…..(my theory) they just devoured a tasty mouse and you should NOT let them lick you under any circumstances. This also applies to shortly after you see a cat in the “L” position.” (licking its butt)

This next one is a “no brainer.” Purring means that a cat is content. I agree with this deduction 100%. Unless of course the cat is a mountain lion you come across when you’re on a hiking trip and it appears that it has not had anything to eat for a while. In that case….run like hell.cats9

Now, as some of you may recall, I have on occasion mentioned that I have cats. Three to be exact. So I watched Nicky’s video with interest. Only because, after spending many years with these cats, I still have no freakin’ clue what the hell they’re up to.

Yes, I DO understand certain things. Spencer the tuxedo meows when I open the fridge. Why? Because that’s where the eggs are stored and he knows, open fridge = meow = egg. He absolutely loves raw beaten eggs. Which is why we had to buy him a chicken and teach him to get his own damn eggs.cats5

Cassie, the Calico you just cannot shut up. It’s constant meow, meow, meow, meow regardless of what the hell you’re doing. Talk to her, and she responds with more meows. If she were a human, she’d be on “The View” doing interviews.

u

Cassie annoying the hell outta me

The last of the three, Olivia, is just a plain old Tabby and somewhat of a social butterfly. She loves men and will rub her body all over any male who so much as touches one hair on her body. I’m convinced she’d be a hooker if she were human.

u

Obviously this would be Olivia

All three actually at one point or another do a lot of the stuff in Nicky’s video. Which for the most part I just ignore because that’s what cats do and why should I give a rats ass why they do what they do. Like…duh…I’ve got other things to do other than trying to figure out what the hell a cat is trying to tell me.

Well, at least ME. As for my other half, that’s another story.

v

However in our house…….(see below)

She worries about EVERYTHING that the cats are doing. “OMG, did the cat barf on the rug?” “Hey…is that a bug Olivia’s eating?” ‘Did you leave the toilet seat up, you know they love to play in water.” “Honeee, I’m worried, I didn’t find much cat poop in the litter box today?” “Oh look, Spencer is licking himself, how cute, hope he doesn’t cough up a fur ball.” And my favorite…….”Dear, I haven’t seen any of the cats in over an hour, do ya think we should check on them?” (our cats are indoor cats, do NOT know how to open doors, sleep 18 hours a freakin’ day, and she’s worried that she hasn’t seen a damn cat)cats12

My theory to all of this why cats do what they do is this.

BECAUSE.

If “because” is a good enough reason for a woman to use when a man asks a question then it’s good enough to explain why cats do what they do.

Just sayin.’

o

Oliva

c

Cassie

sp

Spencer

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donatelink:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=JF6KKGVW4PPC4

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

Advertisements

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s