An Open letter To Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig*

*Subtitled: WTF!ump1

Yep, another one of my “WTF was the umpire doing scratching his balls when Daniel Nava slid into home plate and he was called out” blogs. (we all know he was safe…..except for umpire Jerry Meals)

First, let’s go back in time for this wonderful call by an umpire and baseball Commissioner Bud Selig’s final ruling:


Galarraga pitches a perfect game but, oops, umpire Jim Joyce made a bad call, thereby voiding that perfect game, then apologizes for making a bad call, then BB Commissioner Selig refuses to overrule the ump and give Galarraga his perfect game.

I’m sure we all remember that episode of WTFintitius.

So, Monday night with the standing in the American League East neck and neck between the Boston Red Sox and the Tampon…um. Tampa Bay Rays, a crucial play was made at home plate when Daniel Nava slid in and was obviously safe as verified by the replays. BUT…umpire Jerry Meals, obviously lacking in meals, which may have caused his brain to not function properly, called Nava out.

Had he been called safe, the game would have been tied giving the Sox a chance to win the game. But, alas, they lost at a final score of 2 to 1. Thank you oh so much Jerry Meals.


Psssst…Rover…..was he safe or out?

So, back to my open letter to Bud Selig. Which begins…..

Dear Commissioner Selig: WTF!

You’ve been sitting around in your office for a few years now after that Galarraga blown call with your head up your butt and making no moves to implement replays on calls that may determine the outcome of a game.

WTF! Do you need a giant cattle prod shoved up your rear end to get off of your brain, which obviously is located where your butt is, and finally make a move to have instant replays in close call games? Or would a baseball bat covered in pine tar be more appealing to you.


Thinking of Selig

WTF! It doesn’t take a freakin’ rocket scientist to figure out that instant replays are needed….and have been needed for quite some time. NO… will NOT delay the game as critics have claimed that it would.baseball1

Because those critics have no damn brains either. They think that the game would be held up for minutes because the umpires would have to stop the game in a disputed call, (home runs only) as they do now, all go into the clubhouse, sit down and light up, take a swig of whatever, pee, adjust their jock straps, pat each other on the back for doing a great job, then view the video of the disputed call, look at each other with a dumb look, and try to agree who should take the fall for making the bad call, then, which one gets the privilege of going back out onto the field and waving his finger over his head indicating that the disputed ball was indeed a home run.

(fans of the opposing team who did not get the call in their favor also wave their fingers)


#!&^%!!#$! Umpires

Total elapsed time 10 to 12 minutes.

WTF! Commissioner, here’s where my rocket scientist training comes in. And listen to me here because it cost me a gazillion dollars in student loans to go to rocket scientist school.

Here’s the plan. Each blind umpire, (after lasik surgery) has an ear piece in, (commonly referred to as an ear bud)  yep, you guessed it, in his ear. (ya have to explain this clearly otherwise Selig may not get this concept) Then, waaaaaaaay up in a booth overlooking the field sits another umpire with one of those ear thingys in his ear so that he can communicate with those other blind umpires down on the field.


Ear buds would obviously resemble the umpires

Are ya following me here Mr. Selig. BUD!  BUD! Pay attention here for cripes sake!

Soooo. A disputed play is in question. Say like a ball is hit to the first baseman, but, he doesn’t catch it in his glove, and instead it lodges in his crotch imbedded in his jock strap. Does that constitute an out at first base because he didn’t catch it in his glove, but, he actually caught it in his crotch? As long, of course, as he still has one of his feet on the bag.

So, you replay that on those TV’s in the booth where the umpire is and in 5.3 seconds you can make the call, radio down to the first base umpire, (providing he’s not deaf as well as blind) and the game continues. (perhaps a minor delay as they replace the first baseman who is still writhing in pain on the ground)


Writhing in pain example

The key word here is “instantaneous.”  Hard to imagine that concept Mr. Selig, but it actually works. No need for umpires to leave the field, unless they have to go to the bathroom. No need for Big Papi to commit telephone homicide in the dugout. (video below) No need for managers to stomp out to home plate and threaten to rip out the umpires balls and shove them down his throat. No need for the players to shove bats up umpires butts.

And surely no need for stopping the game for more than 5.3 seconds until that voice from above, (not God) makes a call on the disputed play. How simple is that!

Then again……maybe the only way to EVER have an umpire make a correct call is to have him connected via a headset to God.


11th commandment

Unless, God is a baseball fan and screws around with umpire calls.

In the meantime, the good news…..

Bud Selig is scheduled to retire at the end of this baseball season.

The bad news……

Umpires have a free rein to f**k up calls until then.

But the really good news is replays ARE going to be implemented next year…….

But the really bad news…..

They probably haven’t got the freakin’ brains to give umpires ear buds and place another one in the booth so it will only take seconds to make a judgement on a call.

Which obviously would mean that God is really a football fan and could give a rats ass about baseball.


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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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