Sex Scandals. HEY! It’s All Women’s Fault For Cripes Sake!

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#*!@^%$#!#! tourists

Look, ya can’t go around blaming men for getting involved in all these sex scandals.

Sure, blame Anthony Weiner for showing his wiener on the Internet and Twittering it all over the place. Blame Bill Clinton for freeing little Willie from its confines and allowing it to have a little fun in a closet. Blame Pee Wee Herman for just wanting to give his woody some fresh air in a dark hot movie theatre during a porno movie. Blame Elliot Spitzer for helping poor prostitutes make a decent days salary. Sure, blame all those guys for the various sex scandals that they became involved in.

b

Hey pee Wee….wanna see MY pee wee

BUT. What about all those women. Yeah…..the women. All those scandals wouldn’t be scandals without WOMEN ya know. Women are the reason for all of these scandals. Men are just innocent pawns sucked up into that evil web that women weave using their bodies as spiders use webs.

IT’S NOT OUR FAULT I’M TELLIN’ YA!!!! WE’RE JUST PAWNS.

Cleavage……the main reason men fall into that sex trap laid down by all women. That and various other body parts that they use later to do us all in. Along with all that body lotion stuff that companies make to make their skin soft. And perfume to entice us. Not to mention makeup. Yes…makeup!scandal 4

How many women are actually dogs that no self-respecting man would look at if it were not for makeup, perfume, body lotion, and…yes….cleavage. Bastards.

And if they don’t use all that stuff to suck us in to their webs, they suck us up in other ways that are too tempting to resist. Like using the “suck up” ploy as in the Monica Lewinsky tactic. It ain’t fair! You know how we men can be sucked up verrrrry easily.

h

HEY! I resemble that remark…

Look at poor old Grover Cleveland, (does anybody name their kids Grover today) New York Governor and Presidential candidate who the media claimed was the father of a child even though he was a bachelor. So, rather than go through weeks and weeks of CNN and Fox news coverage of the story every five minutes (between commercials) he acknowledged the child and provided for its support.

(CNN and Fox News weren’t around during Grover’s time but if they had been I’m sure they would have covered this story 24/7/365…..with commercials)

m

Then again, this could be CNN or FOX in disguise in the early days

So while Grover was running for office, Republicans, (yes….they were around then too) used the campaign slogan to taint Grover, “Ma Ma, Where’s My Pa.”  Grover won the election because, and I’m guessing here, they were a lot smarter than today’s voters and figured, “WTF, we’re like Grover,” or, “I have a dog named Grover, and he too rolls over,” and maybe even, “If it’s good enough for Grover, it’s good enough for me.”

After the election Democrats countered with a saying of their own, “Gone to the White House, ha, ha, ha.”

But scandals have been around since day one. Long before CNN, Fox News and commercials. Thank Gawd.

China’s first Emperor Qin Shi Huang, (I assume pronounced “Hung” which he may or may not have been) had a problem with his mother. Who, I might add, in case you’re having problems following me here, was a WOMAN. His mother had eyes for another man, Lao Ai, who was supposedly a well endowed man who was also alleged to be a eunich. Which doesn’t make any sense to me considering a eunich is supposed to be a castrated man. So how the hell could he have been well endowed? Beats me.

Unless he had one of those battery operated thingys and…um….neverrrr mind…..

o

Only found in “stag” bars

I personally do not think he was a eunich. Considering Quin Shi Huang’s wife, who as I mentioned was screwing around with that Lao Ai guy, bore him children. So, so much for that eunich theory. And the batteries.

Anyhow, Huang’s mother conspired against her own son because she wanted her son, by way of that Lao Ai guy, to become emperor. Well, as the story goes, Huang found out about all that stuff, knocked off all of traitors, (kids too) and had his mother banished. Most likely to Cleveland where a lot of people who are banished reside.

He never trusted any woman again thereby avoiding any more scandals and constantly being followed by the media. Smart guy.

We all know about Tommy Jefferson and his affair with slave Sally Hemmings. According to Fox News….um…no, sorry, not Fox News.  According to Colonial News, which I assume was the news channel back then, Jefferson had several children in his relationship with Hemmings. Did ya see the New York Times, The New York Post, or any other media calling for him to resign from whatever position he held back then?

Of course not. Most likely because the New York Times and the New York Post were not around back then. My guess anyhow.

o

Oops…..my bad

Finally, the sordid story of Marc Antony, (spelled Anthony, or Antny) and Cleopatra. We all know what those two were up to behind the palace walls. They were making asps out of…um….sorry, that should read, “they were making asses out of themselves by fooling around with each other while more important things needed to be attended to. Like why were there so many asps on the loose.

Cleo was soooo incensed that her lover Marc married some other woman named Octavia that she had a tizzy fit when the messengers came to her place and told her the news. (this is where the old saying, “never kill the messenger” came from)

Messengers, being of sound mind and body, and also knowing they’d better calm this bitch down or get beheaded, said to Cleo, “Fear not my Queen, Octavia is very short, low browed, round faced, has bad hair and no boobs.”  That’s a true fact, except for the boob part. I just guessed on that one considering if I were a messenger in fear of my life I’d throw that one in to guarantee my safe exit out of the palace)cleo

So ya see, its women who bring down men. Excluding Monica Lewinsky, who Bill Clinton brought “down.” Literally.

So we should cut men, especially men in pubic…um…sorry, public service some heavy slack here. Before thy condemns men for sexual indiscretions, first look in one’s closet to see if thy has sexual indiscretion skeletons lurking in thy’s closet.

If you do….then shut the f**k up about anyone in the public eye who is currently having a sexual indiscretion which he will later insert into his own closet until such time as CNN and Fox news, along with the New York Times, the New York Post and every other media source reveal it.

Back me up here on the skeleton’s in closet warning Grover, Tommy, Shi Huang and Cleo. And um…..Newt.

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It’s true! It’s true…..listen to Misfit!

In conclusion, just to make a point on how easy it is to get sucked into that woman sex trap, one of my favorite stories:

This guy walks into a bar, sits down, and eyes the various women sitting there.

None of them seem very appealing to him.

A few drinks down the road they seem to be much more appealing, but still not worth hitting on.

Several drinks under his belt a woman approaches him, and, feeling quite good, but not having much ability to distinguish between a dog and a good-looking women, he buys her a drink.

She suggests that they go to her place and relax.

Once at her place she tells him to sit on the sofa and get comfortable while she goes into the bedroom and gets comfortable herself.

As he sits on the sofa and removes his shoes, he notices the bedroom door ajar and can see the woman getting undressed. He notices that she’s unscrewing her left arm and placing it on the bureau.

Thinking to himself, “Ah, what the hell, I can deal with that.”

Then he notices that she’s unscrewing her left leg.

Again, thinking to himself, “Ah, poor woman, maybe she just needs a little lovin’….I can deal with that too.”

Then as he’s removing his pants, notices that she’s unscrewing her boobs and placing them on the bureau too.

Then she emerges from the bedroom, approaches the guy and says, “Here I am sweetie, I’m all yours!”

At which point the guy grabs his clothes, and heads for the door.

And she says to him: “Hey, where ya going honeeeeee?”

His reply: “Sorry honey, I gotta go, I left my prick in my other pants.”

Are ya screamin’?

omg

Soooooo. If it wasn’t for women…..there would be no sex scandals.

But life would be very dull wouldn’t it. Especially watching CNN, Fox News, and reading the New York Times, the New York Post, and every other scandal loving media source.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to Sex Scandals. HEY! It’s All Women’s Fault For Cripes Sake!

  1. swedenole13 says:

    Laughing out loud!
    Charles

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      I’m assuming you’re laughing in a diabolical manner.

      Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com/

      ________________________________

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